Post # 1
For anyone that’s read my posts before your know I have had many many a problem with dramas throughout the wedding process..
Well it’s all gotten worse over night… I spoke to my parents about their added guest list and explained that I was not going to be inviting my cousins boyfriend as I didn’t know he. Even existed let alone his name and as we’re having a smaller than the norm wedding (72 guests inc bridal party) we didn’t want someone we had never met to have to take the place of one of our close friends.
But apparenly this was a “not negotiable” with my parents. And they caused a huge arguement because apparently were unreasonable in this and heaven forbid we make our wedding about us & the people that are close to us!!!
So after this and us letting out our frustration (we finally told my parents it’s our wedding not theirs and they need to back off!!) my parents have pulled out the money they were putting towards the wedding, so now 10 weeks out where all suppliers had been booked and all details finalized we are having to some how find another $12,000 🙁
Hat a great wedding surprise.
Post # 3
Oh and to explain the WHOLE arguement started because of us refusing to invite the boyfriend which is the rule for everyone at the wedding!
Post # 4
How awful! I do hope they calm down and reconsider 🙁
Post # 5
I feel sorry for you! I hope they reconsider after a cool down period!
Post # 6
i am sorry. Is it possible to invite the one bf and one friend?
I know its tough, but your relationship with your parents, as unfair as it may seem to you, is something that will last beyond the wedding and you want to do your best to keep it in tact through the wedding process.
To a large extent, if they are paying they do get to have influence in who gets invited. Have they pressured you into lots of other items you dont want to do? If so, maybe its better to not have their money and you figure it out. If this is only one of a few smaller items, it may be worth the compromise.
Your parents are just as proud of the wedding as you are. They want to share how well you are doing with their friends and family and because they are paying for, I am guessing, a large portion, they are under familial politics and pressure to do what is expected of them. It may be your wedding, but it is their money and some people may feel slighted by your parents if they dont do certain things.
Post # 7
Wow, that is a lot of money to come up with in 10 weeks. Have you talked to them? Maybe they reconsider it after realizing that their daughter may have to cancel the wedding over something so silly as a cousin’s boyfriend being there or not.
Post # 8
Why are your cousin’s feelings more important to them than yours?
Post # 9
WOW. That’s intense. Are they open to further discussion? Like, could you just cave and invite the guy at this point or is it too late?
I wouldn’t go into debt over this. If they are truly backing out 10 weeks before your wedding, I’d cancel it and have something extremely small. I’m sure they’d rather spare the embarrassment of having to tell all their friends the wedding is cancelled and why….?
Sorry, I just realized that it sounds like I think you should blackmail them, haha. I don’t! But I do think you should let them know that going ahead with the current wedding plans without their financial support is not an option for you two.
Post # 10
this is probably not what you want to hear….
but since they were/are paying, you should have given in on that. that’s the not-so-hidden cost of having someone else pay for your wedding. they make decisions too.
Post # 11
@rosworms: I would agree if they hadn’t already influenced 1/3 of the guest list
Post # 12
Influenced is the wrong word.. Demanded is best
Post # 13
I guess this is just a vent, because it seems like you can a) talk to them and try and change their minds, or b) invite the boyfriend or c) find the money yourself.
I do think you should ask them if there’s a specific reason to invite this boyfriend all of a sudden. Like if the couple just got engaged or something, because then I think it changes things a little if this person is going to be a member of the family forward.
And if it were me, and someone else was hosting, I’d let them invite whoever they wanted (unless there was a very specific reason not to have that person there, like Uncle Charlie the child molester or something.)
(That said, I also think this idea that weddings are date night, and everyone should bring a guest/date is stupid. But lots of people seem to think that’s the case, so…)
Post # 14
(I don’t actually think it’s unreasonable that the people paying for the wedding get to choose 1/3 of the guests.)
Post # 15
If they’re paying at least 1/3 of the cost, then they should have had at least 1/3 of the gues list.
Personally, I find it distasteful to invite people without their signifigant others. Plus ones for single guests isn’t necessary, but not inviting a boyfriend/fiance/husband isn’t really okay in my book.
Either have it at a venue where you can afford to invite (or fit) your people as well as their signifigant others, or cut the list so as not to be rude. I’m sure that’s not what you want to hear.
If you want it to be about you, you should have a small wedding or elopement that you can afford to pay for.
Post # 16
i agree with @Elvis: since they are paying a contribution (not sure if it’s a 1/3 of your budget) they should be able to have a say in at least 1/3 of the guest list, depending on the contribution relative to the budget.
since it isn’t just a random date i would invite the boyfriend