Honeymoon registry. I feel so rude!

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
450 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Lauren267:  I sympathise because we are also doing a honeymoon registry and I also feel awkward about it. Its clear on the bee that whats acceptable in terms of registrys / gifts varys by location and here in the UK asking for cash is common, 3 of the last 4 weddings we’ve been to have done it and my FI wanted to but I still couldn’t bring myself t it. A honeymoon registry was our compromise. After much agonising (and avoiding cutesy poems) this is the wording I came up with;

“We are so happy that you will celebrate with us on our special day, whether in person or from afar. The greatest gifts we could possibly receive are the memories we look forward to making with you all.

We understand that some of our guests may wish to help us celebrate in other ways and so, as we are lucky to have most of the essentials for our home already, we have set up an alternative registry. Here, if you are moved to do so, you can contribute to our honeymoon and know you will be in our thoughts as we make the first of many amazing memories together. 

We are registered at xxxx”

Hope this helps

Post # 3
Member
2330 posts
Buzzing bee

Lauren267:  I’m not sure how helpful this is, but I ran into the same problem. DH and I already lived together and had all we really needed as far as household stuff went. What we really wanted was money for the honeymoon, and if there was any leftover…score. Since his family is an east coast italian family, we didn’t have to spell anything out, they all came with checks in hand. My family is from the midwest, so basically, if you didn’t register for a crock pot you best believe you’re still going to get one (I love my crock pot btw). Because I didn’t want to offend anyone who didn’t like the idea of giving cash, I ended up just doing a very limited registry for items that we didn’t have that would actually be useful. My midwest family members went off that registry, everyone else gave cash. We ended up putting all of that towards the honeymoon, and it worked out just fine. If you think that’s too subtle and you’ll end up with random gifts, then I’d try doing the honeyfund honeymoon registry. A few friends of mine have done that, and I didn’t feel weird at all just giving them money.

P.S. The only place I mentioneda registry was on our wedding website where I posted a link. I would treat the honeymoon fund the same as any other registry. Let people find out about it word of mouth and post it on your website if you have one. As long as it’s not on the invitation you’re fine.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  whitums.
Post # 4
Member
450 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

BTW the registry we’re using is set out like a standard gift registry and allows guest to ‘buy’ things for the honeymoon i.e. a candlelit dinner or a spa treatment. I know its essentially the same thing but I felt slightly better with that than a straight cash registry.

Post # 5
Member
450 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

whitums:  Honeyfund is the one I’m using too

Post # 6
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

“Can anyone suggest a tactful way to say:’We don’t expect anything but here’s our registry details anyway’?”

You can do the usual.  Don’t include registry information with the invites.  If people ask, you say “website.com, but we’re just so grateful you’re traveling to Bali you don’t need to bring a gift”.  I’m sure your friends/family aren’t so silly as to bring big boxes to a destination wedding.      

Post # 7
Member
802 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015 - Backyard Forest

We are doing a Honeymoon fund through Honeyfund. We also are doing a smaller registry to a department store mainly for my bridal shower.

People always ask about your registry, and I certainly understand where you’re coming from feeling awkward, but it’s just what people do when you get married. You get gifts just as you happily give gifts to every wedding you go to. 

For our wedding website I didn’t feel right having a tab specifically for our registries, so I have a FAQ section, and have it in there…

 

Where are you registered?

Please know that your attendance at our wedding is a gift in itself. There is certainly no expectation for you to bring a gift as a guest at our wedding.

For those of you wondering about our registries, did you know we have never been on an official vacation together? Well, we’d really like to take a honeymoon. We’ve both been dreaming of California for quite some time, so we are going on a road trip down the Western United States. We are flying to Seattle a few days after the wedding and making our way down to San Diego.

We have registered athttp://www.honeyfund.com, where there are lots of ways you could contribute to our dream honeymoon!

We have also made a smaller registry with The Bay to make some upgrades around our home (have you seen our towels?).

Post # 8
Member
8071 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I think you feel awkward/rude about it because it is awkward/rude. I would just not register and people will get the hint, I don’t think requesting money no matter how it’s jazzed up is ever appropriate- especially for a destination wedding.

Post # 9
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

We have no registry at all! We put a really small message in our additional info saying we live together and have everything we need, however if you would like to gift us anything a donation towards our buying a first house would be welcome.

I would see no issue in being asked for cash, or for contributions to a honeymoon registry (many of my friends have had honeymoon registries!). I would much rather give money towards something the couple would really love, than to buy a gift from a registry just because that is how things ‘should be done’ when the couple don’t really want physical gifts.

Post # 10
Member
227 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I agree with Mrs. BuesleBee. I am attending my cousin’s destination wedding and she also sent me the information for a honeymoon registry I would feel insulted. I think you feel awkward/rude about because you know it is awkward/rude.  Son’t include any registry information since your guest are traveling so far to be there for you and are also probably scrimping and saving to do so. If they can gift you with money, then be thankful, but don’t ask for more than they are already giving. 

Post # 11
Hostess
8680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

We did a tradtional registry and a honeymoon registry. Honestly, the only gifts bought so far have been from the honeymoon registry.. I just think it’s more convienant for guests. We didn’t register for room and board or anything, just extra experiances and attractions, as well as special dinners and packages.

Post # 12
Member
2428 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

MrsBuesleBee:  agreed.

OP, people will get the hint if you don’t have a registry. We made one through Honeyfund for the people who asked, but only put a couple things on it like an excursion and fancy dinner. We didn’t include hotel stay or means to get there because we were still taking a honeymoon regardless of gifts. We also didn’t put it on invites, it was just word of mouth through our family.

Post # 13
Member
4641 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

It feels awkward/ rude because it is.

Guests shouldn’t feel like they have to give you anything. They’re already paying more than they would gift to attend the wedding and should not have to feel obligated to give anymore.

I’m of firm belief that if you want a to take a trip, no one else should pay for it but you.. No matter how cutesy its worded.

Post # 14
Member
1386 posts
Bumble bee

asking for money, no matter how you phrase it, is tacky.  And most people take offense to it. {and people DO judge}

Post # 15
Member
1609 posts
Bumble bee

Registering for anything implies that you expect gifts. Isn’t it nicer when someone is generous and gives you something simply because they wanted to show how much you mean to them, not because they read off your list of acceptable things to bring to your wedding? Sigh. Maybe I’m just old fashioned :-/

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