Post # 1
FI and I have lived together for years now, and while the thought of going crazy with a scan gun excites both of us, the simple fact is that we don’t need (or have much room for) anything!
We’re considering doing a honeymoon registry, but don’t know any couples who have ever done one, so the whole concept is a little foreign to us.
Does anyone have recommendations of which site to use?
Is it polite to have a small registry for people who just don’t want to contribute to our honeymoon?
What are your experiences, positive or negative?
We have to make a decision prior to giving our wedding website info out, so it’s crunch time! What do you ladies think?
Post # 2
When my best friend got married she had a honeymoon registry and I thought it was a really cool idea and I was excited to get her a gift from it. So when we got engaged, we decided to have one, since everyone knows how much we love to travel.
We decided to also hve a BBB registry for those that didn’t want to gift from the registry, though most people preferred to use the honeyoon registry. I wrote a thread about it, if you want to read:
Post # 3
I think people generally give those things the stink eye. That’s just my take, but I’ve never known someone who had a honeymoon registry.
Post # 4
We had lived together about 4 years when we got married, and there wasn’t much stuff we needed either. We made a small registry to appease my MIL, who insisted on throwing a shower. She also insisted that we write “cash gift preferred” on our invitations, but I can’t bring myself to request money from people in any form. And that includes through a honeymoon registry. I’ve never heard of anyone having one in “real life” and I would never do it. Most of your guests will give you cash anyway, especially if you don’t have a large registry. Honeymoon registries are tacky cash-grabs to me, and if I was a guest at your wedding, I’d either give you cash or a gift off your registry. I refuse to succumb to blatant cash-grabs.
Post # 5
We created a traditional registry with items we actually needed, and we made a honeymoon registry for additional addons for our honeymoon, but our honeymoon did not include things like hotel stays or rental cars – strictly “extas” and experiances.
Post # 6
@jengirl Your registry looks awesome! What an incredible honeymoon! Haha I wasn’t aware that this was such a touchy subject.. your disclaimer made me say ‘yikes!!’.
To clarify, we both come from mostly non-traditional families and think that it would be really well received in our circle. We also have the funds to pay for our honeymoon (definitely all of the boring stuff, like plane rides and car rentals!). We’re just looking at our options at this point! Truly, I think it’s less polite to ask for a ton of stuff that we really don’t need. We’ve considered skipping the registry altogether, but I think that would leave people confused.
Post # 7
aqporteous: Very common, in my circles. My daughter’s friend had one set-up, in time for their shower and she gifted them a boat trip. My other daughter set-up a Honeyfund. There were no fees – she didn’t attach it to a Paypal or Visa account, or anything. Guests chose the honeymoon activity, or meal, or hotel night – whatever they wanted to give, and then gave a check, for the gift they selected. Everyone loved the idea, so I say go for it!
Post # 8
I did both a honeymoon registry and a traditional registry. I thought it worked out well because people could choose a traditional gift if they for some reason didn’t approve of the honeymoon registry. I used Wanderable, and I noticed that many guests bought gifts very close to the wedding- even the day of. It might be a good option for a guest that doesn’t have cash on them but would still like to contribute.
Post # 9
I’ve had friends use honeymoon registries in addition to a traditional registry (never seen anyone just do a honeymoon registry), and I thought it was really neat! I hadn’t heard of it before, but I didn’t side-eye it or anything. I know some people find them rude, but maybe it’s generational? I’ve never encountered anyone who was anything but enthusiastic about the idea; in fact, I’ve had several family members suggest the idea to me, so I think they’re beoming pretty mainstream.
Post # 10
I’d rather give money to a fun experience for the couple than another set of bed linens they don’t need or want.
Post # 11
I’m one of the bees around here who gives them the side-eye (and I am reflective of my circle at large–they are seen as another way of asking for cash, which is not to be done). The why is not really all that important; I only mention my view to let you know that there are people, even people under the age of 75, who are not comfortable gifting via these types of registries, so, to speak to your second question, if you are concerned about offering gifting options that all your guests are mostly likely to be comfortable with, then I think it would be wise to have options other than (or in addition to, I guess) a honeymoon registry.
Post # 12
I would always rather give money for an experience like a honeymoon then another fancy set of plates the couple will never use! In my area lately everyone does honeymoon funds. We are doing one too! Our apartment is a tiny one-bed and couldn’t fit anything else in if we tried! We need to buy a house but can’t really ask people for money for that as its wayy too expensive. But we LOVE to travel so this is perfect for us. Most people we live by have just asked for cheques for the honeymoon or money, but a honeyfund is a great way for people to pick certain experiences to pay for.
I dont understand why some people are so against them. Either way you are asking for a gift- why not make it one you actually want. Its not as if you will keep those bed linens your aunt gave you forever anyway… Infact gift registries themself were created by department stores to get you to spend more money in their store- prior to that people used to get you a gift they chose or usually … give money! Gift registries are really not all that traditional.
Post # 13
KateA17: You know, if I were buying an actual experience in most cases, I wouldn’t be as dead-set against programs like honeyfund as I am (and I know that some resorts have options that allow you to buy actual experiences, and I could see myself using those, but that’s not what most people mean when they talk about honeymoon registries). With honeyfund and the like I’m using the service as a middle-man for funneling cash. A child can put a check in a card, and as a functioning adult I’m even more capable of placing a check in the card and writing a thoughtful note expressing my hopes that the couple use the money for a nice dinner or special tour while on their honeymoon. And, when I do that, there’s no potential processing fee involved! Why do I need some faceless company to be like, “MTMW has bought you a dinner (except not really), because she wants you to have a special honeymoon!!111”
I am capable of giving cash. In the cities I know well, I’m capable of arranging a fun experience on my own for the couple. I’m happy to do both for a couple that prefers to travel. I am not unique in possessing these capabilities. Why is this middle-man service needed? These services provide no travel assistance like concierge or other agent who can actually arrange the experience, no protection, no insurance, no reviews: just a check, again, sometimes with an associated fee. I don’t get what real service these companies provide.
Post # 14
MarriedToMyWork: I actually agree with you there! I think the whole process would be easier without a middle man and much more personal. But I think for that to happen people need to become more used to the idea of giving cash itself. I think the reason that registries exist are for people who have a hard time giving cash and feel they need to see online exactly where their money is going (like a gift registry). I do think that the ones where you register with the hotel for certain experiences are good and its nice to know that they will do something specific with the money (especially because the hotel can actually control that). Also I think any registry that takes a sum of the money you are given is awful especially as they dont give you a service! I agree it would be much easier if people just gave money with a nice card though. The stigma against giving money is dying slowly but may take another generation until people are comfortable with it completely.
Post # 15
KateA17: But I think for that to happen people need to become more used to the idea of giving cash itself.<br /><br />? I’m pretty sure cash is a super popular wedding gift. There’s no stigma agaisnt giving cash, but there is a stigma against requesting cash. Some people don’t like giving it, but they usually aren’t in the majority (exception might be in the South where I’ve heard boxed gifts are the norm?). I don’t think HM registries are so the guests feel comfortable giving cash, I think it’s so the couple feels comfortable requesting it – and HM registries are really just a veiled request for cash.
But I do agree with you that the middle man is dumb – especially when the middle man takes a 10% cut of the gift.
OP, I’m one of the ones who side-eye HM registries and I know a lot of people in my circle do as well. My main reason being that if I buy something off your HM registry, I don’t actually buy you anything, I just give you money that you are, hopefully, going to use on whatever I picked. However, I do like giving experiences over physical gifts. So if you have a travel agent or going to stay at a resort, maybe you could find a registry through one of them. Then if I buy you a Swimming with the Sharks excursion, I’m actually buying you a voucher for a trip to swim with sharks and not just contributuing to a pot of money.
Whatever you do though, don’t use a site that charges you or takes a cut of your money (unless it’s actually booking something in which case you’re paying a booking fee and not a money-collecting fee). It’s just dumb and pointless. It’s free to write a check or stick cash in a card.