Honor attendant wedding date conflict: Need to vent!

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

It’s disappointing that they would pick the same date but they have the right to pick whichever date they want and thankfully he has given you some warning so you can have a backup attendant or just go on without him.  Five months is really a short engagement and after discussing it with their families and/or checking out vneues, they may not even be able to book that date.

Post # 3
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

ophelia69:  No, you are not insane. Your best man is being ridiculous and inconsiderate. It’s one thing to decide that you just HAVE to have your wedding on some specific day because it’s “special” for whatever reason (which is a trend that I find stupid in and of itself), but it’s another thing entirely to decide that you HAVE to have your wedding on some specific “special” day that is ALREADY THE DAY YOU AGREED TO BE THE BEST MAN IN YOUR FRIEND’S WEDDING.

I mean, really. You can’t make this shit up.

I am sorry your friend is a jerk. Yes, you are right that you can’t tell him not to get married on your wedding day, but I would probably reconsider your friendship. Obviously it doesn’t mean that much to him. 🙁

Post # 4
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

If I were you, I would quietly start making backup plans now; you have a bit of time, and having backup plans makes everything smoother (emcee, speeches, etc).

After that, I would just wait until after they get engaged and you hear more about their plans; unless they’ve been planning before the engagement or will be having a pretty informal affair, its unlikely that they will want to try to pull off planning a wedding in such short time, and maybe they’ll wait until next year? Thinking abstractly, “getting married on the anniversary of our meeting!” sounds romantic, but the reality of planning and logistics and booking vendors will soon set in (unless they’re really really determined to get married on that date, and push ahead regardless).

But unless and until you hear otherwise, plan the logistics of how your wedding will proceed with or without your best man.

I’m sorry, this totally sucks and I would be pretty cheesed! 

Post # 5
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

what a selfish prick. Yeah we all know it’s not your day only and they can have it when they want but man, if my best friend did that to me I’d be beyond pissed. He already gave his obligation to you and you even said no matter what he would be there. I’m sorry no best friend renigs on being 2 MAJOR parts of someone’s wedding like that. I’d have to rethink my friendship with someone that does that. Inconsiderate doesn’t even touch it. Wow. I’m so sorry he told you that. 

On the other hand. He has a lot of things to prioritize first and i highly doubt once they start looking at venues and costs that they will be able to pull it off that quickly. 

If I were you, I would definitely express your extreme disappointment of his incosideracy to him and that you thought you were better friends than that. Let him do his thing, have a back up plan. I bet he will end up being there in the long run though, once he gets things in motion.

((((((  BIG HUG ))))  He sucks!

Post # 6
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Is it possible he meant it as an april fools joke?

Post # 7
774 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Dalhousie Castle

ophelia69:  Nope, your not insane. That was a shitty thing of him to do. I’d kick him out of the wedding party for that even if he doesn’t end up having that date. He’s clearly insanely selfish and rude. 

This might be a be harsh, but I’ve had a terrible day. 

Post # 8
7055 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Assuming it’s not an April Fool’s joke like Celliaanne:  suggests: you can’t stop him marrying on the same date, but that means he can’t be best man. Your wedding is almost 5 months away so there’s time to get a new Best Man. Also get your invitations out early so mutual friends are invited to yours first.

But hopefully the April Fools’ theory is correct, because it’s just a crazy and inconsiderate thing to do.

Post # 9
6457 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I don’t have much to say because I think you are doing the right thing by just asking him to let you know for sure. I would be disappointed and slightly hurt as well so vent away! I would personally send out STDs or early invites to ensure that mutual friends make it to your wedding.

Post # 10
10748 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

WTF is he thinking? If you guys are that close, wouldn’t he want to attend your wedding and vice versa? I don’t get it. 

Post # 11
1049 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Sorry, but the whole “you can’t tell other people not to get married on your date” goes out of the window when they are in your wedding party IMO.  He is being selfish and a jerk, why couldn’t he wait until the year after if it was that important to him?  I mean it would probably be better for him to have that time.  

I would drop him, regardless of what the outcome was.  Bros before hoes! (no offence to the girl, I’m sure she’s lovely)

Post # 12
45 posts

I just read this post to my boyfriend and all he had to say was “what a d*** move!”. 

Let’s just hope some of these other ladies are right and that it’s just an April Fool’s joke. If not,  I’m sorry you have to deal with this 🙁 

Post # 14
941 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

ophelia69:  I think you should wait (a reasonable period of time) to release him until after he tells you firm plans. If you release him now and they don’t plan for the same day, you will likely both feel terrible about the whole thing. Couldn’t hurt to wait a few weeks. 

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