(Closed) Honoring a Deceased Parent

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I can’t speak from experience because I’ve not had to deal with losing a parent (so sorry for FI’s loss, I can’t even imagine). But I can say that, as a guest, a mother-son dance with… no mother… would be a little awkward. Even if he had a stand-in, like a sister or grandmother, I can just imagine shifting uncomfortably in my seat and being like… well this is weird.

I want to honor my grandmother and my great-aunt at my wedding, because they have both passed away – and I was thinking of having a candle lit with each of their pictures near it, or something like that. It is a small and unobtrusive reminder of their memory and when guests see it they will understand, but it doesn’t take a ton of time out of the celebration of our new lives.

I think subtlety is the way to go with this.

Post # 4
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m going through the same problem. My dad past away last year and I wan’t my fi to dance with his mother but I find it kinda weird dancing with my step dad.  I was going see to skip it all together but that wouldn’t be fair to my MIL. 

I am though having a charm from etsy of a pic of my dad on my bouquet. You can do a pic of his mom on there. That might help.  

Post # 5
Member
1288 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I’m not sure about the dance, but if i was your FI it probably would make me very sad if i did the mother/son dance with someone else. I couldn’t be happy during that dance and i would rather skip it than being sad on my wedding day.

I didn’t watch the video to that song, but if you like it so much you could give your FI a handwritten card or letter with the text from that song the morning of the wedding day or the day before. Maybe that is a nice gesture to show him that you care.

I had a photo of my DH’s father and a necklace pendant from my grandmother on my bouqet to honor them

 

Post # 7
Member
903 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

My husband’s dad passed away the winter before we got married. We had a special seat set aside for him during the ceremony (with a photo of him and a sign saying that it was in memory of him). Near the beginning of the ceremony, right after I walked up the aisle and my parents “gave the bride away”, we went together to lay a bouquet of flowers on the chair and had a moment of silence.

Post # 8
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I am getting married in October (five years after my Mom’s death). I am wearing my Mother’s wedding band (even though her and my Dad were divorced) and having a large bouquet as the alter decoration in her honor (with her fave flowers).  I will hold a small picture of her. 

Post # 9
Member
152 posts
Blushing bee

I would say have flowers on the alter for her, and at the reception instead of doing a mother/son dance, I would create a slideshow of pictures of your FI and his mom, with the song as the music, then display it with a projector.

Post # 10
Member
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@MaybeeBecca: reading what you did made me cry. My father passed away in September from lung cancer right, and I’m getting married in July 2012. I’ve been reading all these posts about honoring a deceased parent but yours made me realize exactly what I need want to do. Thank you so much.

I’m so sorry to any other bee’s out there who will not be celebrating with a loved one by their side as well.

Post # 11
Member
1446 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@dfontaine07: My father passed away from lung cancer in January. It’s really inspiring reading about what other Bees did to honor their loved ones.

Post # 12
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Although it was for my brother not a parent I did something similar to MaybeeBecca,  We kept a seat at the front for him and as I walked up the aisle I lay a flower on the seat.  I also wore one of his flight tag pinned on the inside of my dress.  I also got an extra bouquet made and have laid it on his headstone.

Post # 13
Member
2947 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@Usuki: We’re skipping the dance too. It was actually my FMIL’s idea because she was afraid I’d be down about it. 

Post # 14
Member
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My FH lost his mother a year and a half ago and he’s planning to dance with his sister. I’d like to get him cufflinks with his mothers picture or initials on them and have found a pair on redenvelope.com but am still searching. Still thinking of other ways to incorporate her. 

Post # 15
Member
1370 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I did a bouquet charm and also a poem in the wedding program.

Post # 15
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2014

MaybeeBecca:  This one made me ball my eyes out. I absolutely adore the sentiment in this. I lost my dad just a few short moths ago. It was very sudden and unexpected. I still don’t know how on Earth I am going to make it through our special day without losing my shirt. I don’t want to cry out of sadness and spoil an otherwise beautiful event. Thanks for your suggestion. It is really lovely.

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