Honoring Mom without making event sad?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
4760 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MoonlitMagnolia:  I think that’s fine not too much.  I wold think about the empty chair thing though, depending on your venue it may look quite sad.  Especially for dad if he’s sitting next to an empty chair.  I was thinking about doing this too but glad I didn’t.  I had dad carry a white rose and hold it.  It looked really nice, I thought.

Post # 4
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think it is the perfect amount. It isn’t like you are pointing all this stuff out. The only thing people will take notice of is the chair with the rose, and I think that is a wonderful sentiment.

I’m sorry about your mom’s passing.

Post # 5
Member
1662 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Waldorf Astoria, Chicago

I think that’s perfect!  My FI’s mom passed when he was younger, I’m surprising him wtih an “In Memory of” Chair at the ceremony, it will have a frame with her picture and a flower arrangement that matches his step mom and my mom’s corsage.  It will be in the front row so he will see it while he’s waiting for me to come down the aisle and I’m also having one of her pearl necklaces wrapped around my bouquet. 

Post # 6
Member
6960 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@MoonlitMagnolia:  Personally, I think the memorial chair thing is too much. My mom passed away and I wouldn’t want my dad sitting next to an empty chair. 

I plan to have a table with pictures of all our loved one who have passed on set up near the guest book table.

Post # 7
Member
1662 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Waldorf Astoria, Chicago

That’s interesting that a few people think the chair idea would be sad, I never even thought about that.  I thought it was a nice way to include them, or their memory without being over the top…now I might have to re-think this, especially since my chair idea was to be a surprise for my FI…hmmmm

Post # 8
Member
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

My mom also passed earlier this year as well and she was my best friend in the entire world. So, first and foremost, I’m so sorry that you’ve gone through the same pain.

I am also in the boat of not doing an empty chair (if your goal is to not have a sad type of feeling, which, it is…). While I think it is a nice gesture, it definitely doesn’t give an air of celebration, if you know what I mean.

I’m having her picture (in a tiny frame) around my bouquet, as well as wearing her pearl jewelry. That’s more of a personal, private nod from me to her. Then, I am featuring a drink that she and I bonded over in Italy as our signature drink and am naming it after her.

Post # 9
Member
1175 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@MoonlitMagnolia:  I really like what you are thinking.  I will be honoring my mother too.  I am doing everything you have listed, and dad will be wearing her favorite flower in his boutioneer (sp?).

Sorry you lost your mom.  It is so hard to plan without mom.  Hugs!

Post # 10
Member
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@MoonlitMagnolia:  I am sorry about your mother. Mine past when I was 16. I plan on having a picture of her(along with my aunt, grandfather, and my FI great grandmother) on my bouquet. I am also wearing her veil/head piece.

Post # 11
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I wil ltell you a few years ago I went to a wedding with an entire part devoted to those who were lost. It was really sad. My mom is not dead, but has terminal cancer. I put her military rank pink and a flag pin from her native country on my bouquet.

I think what you’ve selected it perfect. Personal and touching.

Post # 12
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2014

everytime I see a butterfly, I think of my mom, so on the  back of every placecard I put a small butterfly.  The “something blue” was a pretty blue snowflake pin that I attached to the ribbon on my bouquet.  IMO the empty chair would be a sad reminder. So sorry your mom will miss this, it’s very tough. 

Post # 13
Member
395 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

first of all, Hugs to you.

I lost my dad not long before my wedding, and it was hard to figure out what to do to keep him with me without making everyone start a cry fest.

I think your ideas are great. But I do agree with the visible reminders perhaps being a little too sad.

I tended to go the other way. I made sure there was room for my brothers kids to sit with my mom so that she wasn’t all alone. I had my brother walk me down the aisle because we realized it would make people more sad if I walked alone.

The touches of my dad I chose were to have his pocket watch in my bouquet, and to hand out gold dollars at the ceremony to be put in the poor box as an offering (my father always did this, and always gave gold dollars to small children so people remembered them fondly).

My mother surprised me with one of my dad’s handkerchiefs embroided with “Angel Face” (his pet name for me). I liked that I had something of his in my pocket with me, but that it wasn’t displayed so that people would feel sorry for me.

Post # 14
Member
4760 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@kellynn323:  plase don’t “surprise” your FI with any memory thribute to his mom.  Talk to him and ask what he’d prefer to do.  Everyone grieves differently and what you do may upset him.  Surpises are ment to be for good things in life, not death.  I think it is in very poor taste.

Post # 15
Member
866 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@kellynn323:  I have to agree with @Atalanta:  on this one. Not something to do as surprise. I suggest you ask him what he would prefer. He doesn’t want to be thrown into something he wasn’t expecting on your wedding day. 

 

@MoonlitMagnolia:  I think these ideas are great. If you end up agreeing with some of the other bees about the empty chair being too sad, you could try what we did. We had an outdoor wedding and hung flower arrangements in bottles off of shepherd’s hooks by each pew. We left the hook by his family pew empty and when he escorted his mother up the aisle, he Carried a beautiful lantern with a candle inside. He then hung it on the empty hook. After we began the ceremony, the minister took a moment to explain that the lantern was in memory of DH’s father. There were a few quick tears but it wasn’t anything overwhelming. After the ceremony, our wedding coordinator put the lantern at our places at the head table. Just a thought. 

 

Post # 16
Member
1662 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Waldorf Astoria, Chicago

@Atalanta:  thanks for your input. I honestly wasn’t doing it for the surprise factor but was thinking he would notice it and be honored that I tried to include his mom even though she couldn’t be there…guess I have been lucky enough not to lose someone that close to me so I didn’t realize it could be in poor taste, or make him upset.  I spoke with his sister about the idea and she loved it, but guess I should talk to the FI first…I also thought since his dad is remarried it would be nice to have his mom’s presence at the ceremony, might need to rethink this!

@MrsM914:  thank you. Glad to have some input, bc I honestly never realized this could potentially make him upset 🙂

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