Post # 1
My fiance’s mom passed away a little over a year ago and I want to do things to honor her at our wedding. We are making a donation to the Multiple Myeloma Foundation in her name for each wedding guest instead of giving out favors, but I want to do more. We have thought of doing a unity candle at our ceremony and having my fiance’s aunt light one side in honor of Randy’s mom. My question is….do I need to talk to my FFIL about this before we do it? He is now remarried and I never really know exactly how to go about things like this. I want to honor my fiance’s mother without excluding my FMIL. What do I do?
Post # 3
What a tough situation! I think that yes, you’d need to talk to FFIL before proceeding with anything. Is your FI on board with you doing something?
I’m going to have some “In Memory Of” candles at my reception, is that something you’d be into?
Post # 4
MUST TALK TO FFIL!! I like the “in memory of” candle idea. Another simple bbut heartfelt way is to mention her in the program, or ask a family member to say a few words on her behalf. But regardless wof what you do, you need to talk to FI and FFIL.
Post # 5
- Wedding: August 2009 - St. Thomas of Villanova Church & the F.U.E.L. House
Maybe you could somehow include FFIL and FMIL in the candle lighting? Even if it’s just having them stand up there with FAIL (um…that’s future aunt in law, hehe).
Post # 6
I would definitely talk to the FFIL first to make sure you don’t step on any toes!
I have seen the weddings where the groom walks down the aisle with a single flower and places it on an empty chair at the front in honour of his mother! I thought it was absolutely beautiful!
Post # 7
I like the idea Mrs Martin gave…I’ve seen that at a wedding myself where the groom placed a rose in the first seat on the groom side, where the mother would be seating
Post # 8
My fiance’s mother died nearly 15 years ago. We’re going to place a small bouquet of daffodils (would-be MIL’s fav flower), and my mom is going to put together a candle holder for the guest book table.
At my sister’s wedding, she put framed wedding pictures of our grandparents that passed away. It was beautiful!
Post # 9
Were they together when she died? I only ask, since he’s already remarried. If not, I wouldn’t worry about asking, because it would be more for your FI and any family of hers that would be there. If they were together at the time of her death, I would definitely ask. I like the idea of a candle but I also like the idea of something subtle as well, maybe dancing to a favorite song of hers or including her favorite flower in your FI’s bout?
Post # 10
Definitely do the memory candle. I just got mine the other day and it turned out really nice! We’re also having a flower on 4 chairs to represent my parents, my brother, and my FH’s brother. I have some small pretty picture frames that I was going to put up as well with pictures of them, if nothing else, so everyone can see who is missing from the wedding. Your FH’s stepmother shouldn’t take offense, and neither should your FFIL. She was your FH’s mother, after all. I’m going to be a stepmother soon and if that were the case, I would probably be the one suggesting that my stepdaughter honor her mother in some way.
Post # 11
Talk to FFIL — maybe he has an idea or two. However, you definitely want to make sure he’s okay with it all.
Also, Ms. Martin’s idea sounds really beautiful and elegant.
Post # 12
This is a tough one. I’m actually in the same boat with you! The funny thing is, my fiances name is Randy also….smalkll world. I think that you have already done alot to honor your late MIL by making donations to the Multiple Myeloma Foundation in her name for each wedding guest. My late MIL passed away just 3 weeks ago ( 5weeks before our wedding) from non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. It would have been a good idea to make a charetable donation. Instead and in her honor..we will be leaving a seat open for her at the reception,having our emcee hold a moment of silence in her honor at the reception and I would go ahead and purchase a in loving memory unity candle but my Randy 🙂 said that he didnt really like that idea. In all of this, I have been carefull and extreemly considerate of my finace’s wishes for his mom on our day….