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Honoring the people I never wanted to take off my guest list

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
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    1.
    Member
    685 posts
    Busy bee
    thecolorteale    June 5, 2010 ...yeah we changed it a 3rd & final time.   Chattanooga, TN

    So starting in either June or July of last year, my best friend/MOH's grandfather died. Her family lived with him and adored him and took care of him. Her father died when she was a baby so her grandfather was a father figure to her, her sister, and her brother.
    A couple weeks later my uncle died. Barely 40 years old. With two little girls at home. He was working in Iraq for one of the private contracting companies, they were having a company race for fun and he had a heart attack. It was really awful.
    Then a month or two later after that, my neighbor across the street of 15 years dies leaving his wife behind.

    So by then you can imagine I was sick of funerals. But a couple weeks after Christmas my grandmother gets really really sick, and goes into the hospital in North Carolina, I couldn't go see her because of work but everyone else went up and saw her. She seemed to get better, they let her out of the hospital and started her on Physical Therapy but very shortly after she went into cardiac arrest and died. Absolutely devastating. It's very hard to try to avoid thinking how she didn't even make it to see me engaged, let alone the fact that she won't be at my wedding. She was an amazing woman. But moving on before I get thoroughly depressed.

    I learned later that while I was in NC for the funeral that a guy who had been in my church group when we were younger had died in a rock climbing accident. I saw him occasionally at his job but wasn't that close with him anymore but it was awful having another person pass on.

    And then a few weeks later when I couldn't take another death, another funeral. I'm told that a very good family friend of ours, and an old boss of mine, her husband took his own life. I went to their wedding, I painted them this really nice big platter when I managed a pottery painting studio with their names and wedding date, I even went to school with his son. There was more to the story that made it more devastating for her and his kids but I'll leave that out.

    But in a matter of 6-7 months I experienced all this. And it was really depressing to go over my guest list and have to delete those people off of it.

    But to make a very long story short...I'd like to honor these people. But I don't know how because I don't want to make everyone depressed during my wedding. So something simple would be nice, something touching but not heart breaking. Because my cousins are going to be my flower girls so I don't want them to be upset over their dad, and my family over my grandmother.

    The only idea I have is a song called "Hear You Me" by Jimmy Eat World. But I don't know where I would fit that in.

    Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.

     
    2.
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    Bee
    1,381 posts
    Bumble bee
    beagle    October 24, 2009  

    Wow, so sorry you've had to go through so much saddness.  Maybe you could light a candle for each person?  You could just include something in your programs about the purpose of doing this.

     
    3.
    Member
    625 posts
    Busy bee
    kara    September 26, 2009   Northern VA/Cincinnati OH

    I'm so sorry you have had so much loss in such a short period of time.  I cannot even imagine how you're dealing.  I like Beagle's idea.  Or maybe if you don't want to light the candles, you could put all their names at the bottom of the program and say something about how they are with you in spirit, or you are thinking of them?

     
    4.
    Hostess
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    Bee Keeper
    His Barista    September 4, 2010   Spokane, WA

    That's aweful you have gone through all this in such a short time! I like the candle lighting idea. Could you play the song while you do that? Or maybe have pictures of them by the alter or something?

     
    5.
    Member
    1,376 posts
    Bumble bee
    thisismeAXiD    April 2013   NE Wisconsin

    i really like taking time out of the ceremony and lighting a candle in honor of the people who are there in spirit. maybe play a song whild doing so and have the length of the song be a time to reflect on those who have gone before you.

    i was just at a wedding yesterday where they did this, it was very touching and in the program they listed the names of everyone and how the couple knew them.

    p.s. i'm SO sorry to hear of all your losses in such a short amount of time.

     
    6.
    Member
    685 posts
    Busy bee
    thecolorteale    June 5, 2010 ...yeah we changed it a 3rd & final time.   Chattanooga, TN

    Thank you guys so much for the ideas. Sometimes the ideas are there in pieces you just need some others to piece them together for you. I had the song, and I had seen the candles and stuff but I just couldn't think of what to do with them. Thank you guys. :)

     
    7.
    448 posts
    Helper bee
    mlkeysock    September 1, 2007   near Philadelphia, PA

    Wow, so sorry to hear of everything that's happened in the 6-7 months all at once! Another idea might be to make a donation in lieu of favors in the names of all of those you have lost. You can put it on a little card to place at everyone's seat to explain the favor.

     
    8.
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    3,105 posts
    Sugar bee
    slicey19      

    Are you having a church wedding? Usually there is a point in a Catholic wedding ceremony when the priest says let us pray for and you can pick the intentions, this could be a good time to pray for the people you have lost either individually or as a whole (so as to not make anyone depressed). You could also mention something in the program about how you would like to remember those who are here in spirit (or however you want to phrase it) and list their names. It is hard to balance such somber passings with a joyous occasion.

     

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