Hope after a failed engagement?

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
2726 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Bpethtel:  I think you dodged a bullet. What a psycho family. I don’t think you need to worry about finding love again after 23, there is really no time limit on it. People fall in love at all different ages and your next SO will be an adult, not a teenager still controlled by mommy.

Post # 3
Member
432 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Omgosh OP, I think its best to let this one go. In fact, run far, far away. Is this really the kind of family you want to marry into? He not only dissapointed you once, but twice! And the second time was supported by his family, meaning he had no intention of standing up to his mom, for your sake. He is clearly not ready to be a husband. I’m sorry OP, but a true man will stand up for the woman he loves. And to let his family ransack your home and leave you with nothing? That just screams “drama” to me. You WILL Find love again, but he is not the one. You deserve sooo much better!

Post # 4
Member
6749 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I just wanted to say that you are young, see that that was a toxic relationship and the whole world is ahead of you! find someone who is worthy of you!

Post # 5
Member
9 posts
Newbee

Bpethtel:  First I want to say how sorry I am that this happened to you.  As I was reading it I never expected it to take the turn that it did. I know you probably deeply love your ex-fiancée, and that betrayal must have been terrible. The fact that he showed up at work with flowers while his family destroyed your home is an indicator of the lack of trust how much he actually cares about your feelings. The most important aspect of a spouse is to know without a doubt that they will always have your back and be your rock in the hard times, you need to know that there is trust there and he doesn’t deserve your trust any more. I always like to say that life is a journey not a destination, so as hard as this patch seems to be right now, just know that you’ll get through it and you’ll meet someone who appreciates you and cares for you the way you should be. I know it may be hard to let go of someone else you love, because I know losing your mother must have been the worst experience of your life and I am sorry for that,  but just know your mom is probably looking down on you and telling you to be strong and have hope for the future. Everyone deserves to find their person, they are never 100% perfect, but you’ll always know they’ll be 100% perfect for you. Keep your head up! You have gotten through some very difficult situations already and I am sure you’ll find your happiness, but from your story I can almost 100% strongly argue that your happiness does not lie with your ex and his family. Take care! 

Post # 6
Member
1500 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Holy shit! what the FUCK is wrong with your ex and his family!?

Let him go and let them keep him, they deserve each other.<br /><br />To be honest, im horrified someone who says he “loves” you would do such a thing…

Hun, don’t worry, you WILL find love again, you’re young. Mourn if you need to, talk with your friend (by the phone or skype or facebook) talk with your dad, get it out of your system. Try to get new friends (i know it’s easier said than done).

You deserve SO MUCH BETTER! Good luck, im sending you hugs.

 

Post # 7
Member
4909 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Of course you will find love again, you’re very young.  But, that shouldn’t be your priority now.  It will take you some time to heal from a betrayal this massive.  

Fwiw, I’ve gotten financially entangled with a bf before & the outcome was disastrous.  Family & his best “friend” manipulated him as well.  I was left penniless & without a car after putting my late model, PAID FOR car as a down payment.  It took a few years for me to rebound from that one.

nycsa is right.  You dodged a large caliber bullet.  

Post # 8
Member
3552 posts
Sugar bee

Bpethtel:  Please for your sake, leave him.  DO NOT STAY WITH HIM.  I have nothing against momma’s boys but his family destroyed your home!  Took your cat, took your items, some of the items you just mentioned were actually yours and not his.  Like a pp said, you dodged a bullet.  Please don’t stay with him.  He’s not the guy you want or need in your life. I know it will be hard, but you can;t stay with a man who will disrepect you in such a way and not stand up to his family.

You will find love agian, while mine wasn’t so serious (where his family destroyed my house), he did cheat and break my heart.  At the time, I thought I wouldn’t find anyone as good as him.  he was my first love, and the only person I knew at the time who took the time to be with me and show me what love was (we had a good relationship until about 2.5 years in).  We finally split in 2012 when I got my head on straight and realized this wasn’t for me.  Lo and behold, I met my husband in Feb. 2013.  I applied to the job he worked at, worked there for 9 months before quitting.  But in the time we worked together, we fell in love, planned out our future, got pregnant (whoops) and got married this year.  I thought I wouldn’t meet anyone after my ex, but I did, and I met him when I wasn’t expecting it and was just living my life.

Remember, right now, it may seem hard, but tomorrow is a brand new day, focus on you right now.  What you want to do, live your life, and everything else will fall in place.  Right now is the time to mend friendships, focus on your goals, wants, parents and your family.  Ignore this douchebag, delete his emails, phone number, anythnig of him, he doesn’t deserve you, and you certainly don’t deserve his crap.

Post # 9
Member
8914 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

No no no! This POS doesn’t deserve to ever speak to you again! Block his number and all social media and never talk to this stupid psycho again. The quicker you do that, the faster you’ll be able to move on. You are only 23, you have a whole life of happiness ahead of you! Also, if you think he’s really messed with your head, therapy could be really helpful. 

Post # 10
Member
592 posts
Busy bee

You can’t really be considering getting back together with this man. He brought you flowers and a picnic so his family could rob you, destroy your property and completely humiliate you. That’s twisted and sociopathic. 

60% of engagements in the US fail. You aren’t alone and you aren’t the first. You will find a way to move on. It doesn’t feel like it now, but a few years down the road, all this will feel like a terrible nightmare long past or former life. 

Post # 11
Member
870 posts
Busy bee

What a fucking pyscho. You should have reported the theft and damage. 

Post # 12
Member
1383 posts
Bumble bee

You totally dodged a huge bullet.  You are 23–you have so much to do and learn and someday soon you will look back on this experience and laugh about what a jackass he is.  The man you are supposed to be with is out there waiting for you to find him!

{pargraphs would mke your post easier to read}

Post # 13
Member
42522 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

There is more than one person out there for each of us to love and be loved. As painful as this is for you now, thnk God this loser didn’t wait until after you were married. Cease any communication with him that does not have to do with any financial arrangements. Do not listen to his promises to create boundaries with his mother. He had a chance to do that and instead, chose to treat you like dirt.

Post # 14
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee

Wow I’m so sorry he and his psychotic family put you through all that!! Be happy all this happened before actually walkin down the aisle. 

Some ppl (and apparently entire families?!?) create a whole new level of crazy!! I can’t believe they did that to you. You are so strong and will be even more strong at the end of all this mess they created. You have your family that care about you and be happy for that. 

Deal with what you must deal with that guy (your financial stuff) and just stay away. maybe Ren move in the end so he can’t come over to talk to you once the dust has settled like he did the first time. 

my heart was just clutched when I ready what they did, and I am really so sorry! There are plenty of other GOOD guys out there and please don’t let this experiance tarnish your feelings on relationships and love. My SO and I started sharing our finances after a few years also with joint accounts, etc and we still aren’t married and prbly won’t be for a few yrs.

So again, please don’t let him ruin your outlook on relationships an love. And next time, trust your gut. If you have strong feelings he’s cheating he more than likely is (that’s what a lots of Bees have said on here anyways). 

Lots of luck in the future!!

Post # 15
Member
1303 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2015 - Chapel on Base

I am sorry you are going through this.  Love isn’t fair.  When it is fair that’s when you hold on.   You will find your “one”.  You may be older (hopefully not as old as me, I’m 46) but you will find that mature love is very different from what you just went through.  Mature love isn’t based on age.  Mature love is based on respect,  consideration,  and admiration.   Take some time to heal and get back out there.   

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