(Closed) Hope after failed engagement?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
23 posts
  • Wedding: May 2014

You’re not alone. I’m 27 and got engaged in 2012 to the guy I had been seeing since for eight years. He took me to the spot where we first met and gave me the most beautiful ring in the entire world. Six months before the wedding the day after Thanksgiving 2013, I found out he was sexting another girl he had met on an online affair website. It was as if my entire world had collapsed. I had my dress, the venue, caterers, sent my save the dates…all of it, suddenly swept away. I found myself living in the house I’d spent my life savings to buy for us, and it was the most empty haunting experience. 

Needless to say, Christmas this past year wasn’t a very cheerful experience. I remember a woman I didn’t know at a family party sitting next to me and then proceeding to show me pictures of her daughter getting engaged, the dresses she was trying, and talking all about what a wonderful time it is in life to be engaged. I have to thank my dad for recognizing the agony this woman was putting me in, and asking me to get a drink with him before I completely lost it. 

Weddings and engagements were everywhere, and everywhere I went, I’d run into someone asking to see my ring or to find out how wedding planning was going. It was like pouring salt on an open wound every single time.

There were days when I would come home, collapse on the stairs in tears, and pray for the pain to stop. I knew deep down in my heart that this was for the best, but I didn’t think I would ever be able to find someone who could love me.

I went out on New Year’s Eve with my girlfriends, toasting to a new start and a better 2014. I met a guy, and we exchanged numbers. Just like that, I was back in the dating pool. It was fun and exciting, since I hadn’t been on a first date since the days of passing notes during class. Tried dating a couple of different guys. A couple I ended, a couple broke up with me. Be warned you’ll probably take those breakups more personally, because rejection isn’t easy when you haven’t experienced it in awhile, and you’re already struggling with the broken engagement.

A few months ago, one of my coworkers decided to set me up with another coworker. I couldn’t believe how much we had in common. I was hesitant about getting involved with someone I’d see everyday. I’ve always been the type to play it safe, in life and in love…and yet I realized you can crash and burn even when you do everything right. He was worth taking a chance on, and he felt the exact same way.

We’ve only been together a few months, but we’re head over heels in love. He’s met my parents, I’ve met his, both our families hang out together, we’ve moved in together, spend nearly every second together. He’s brought out the best in me, I’ve never been happier, and we’re already talking about getting married. We joke about how fast we fell in love, but neither of us can imagine a life without each other. 

I sit here telling you that happy every after is still out there for you. It may not be the next person you meet, but it’s out there. Someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it didn’t work out with anyone else. He’s the best thing to ever happen to me, and if I ever saw my ex-fiance, I’d thank him for giving me the chance to find something so much better, the true love that I deserve.

It’s not easy.  It’s going to hurt, and it may take time, but it’s going to get better. In the meantime, I’m sending you love, strength, and support. You’re not alone, and you are going to be happy again soon! 





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(Closed) Hope after failed engagement?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
7 posts
  • Wedding: October 2012

I broke off an engagement at 18 (very young I know and I was honestly soooo relieved after), but the hardest thing for me was a relationship that ended after 5 years in my 20’s.  I seriously felt like my life was over, that I would never ever even date again–he cheated on me and lied repeatedly.  I just felt like I would never be able to trust someone again.  The more I dug the more lies I found, and I just felt so stupid!  After awhile I realized that he is the one that was dumb, and I started dating again.  Lots of miserable failures but they all made good stories :). I live in the South and all of my friends were married/engaged and starting families, I felt like the only single person ever!  I felt like love would never happen for me, but I was weirdly ok with it.  I made plans, had tons of fun, travelled, and really enjoyed myself.  And of course when I least expected it, my now fiance came in and swept me off my feet!  He is so much better, as a person and for me than any other guy I’ve ever dated. Everything seems to have happened exactly the way it was supposed to, and my heart sometimes feels like it’s going to explode I’m so happy with him.  Super cheesy, but I am so so glad that my previous relationships failed, they led me to this place in my life, and I am the happiest I’ve ever been! Don’t feel like a failure, and I hope hope hope in a few years you are telling a similar story to someone (like us) who is going through an awful breakup and feels like thiings are never going to go her way. 

Post # 4
2889 posts
Sugar bee

There have been a couple of Blogger Bees who wrote about a broken engagement or a divorce early on. Off the top of my head, I recall Mrs. Candy Corn who wrote about her second engagement after a marriage and divorce. There is another Bee who just came back to write about her second engagement after breaking off the first engagement before the wedding (she was blogging during her first engagement). As well, Mrs. Sand Dollar wrote at least one post about her past relationship and moving on.

Post # 5
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I was 30 when I broke off my engagement.  He was abusive and he cheated on me.  The hardest part for me was that he truly loved my son and was completely and utterly wonderful to him.  And I can tell you that I was in for the biggest surprise of my life. 

I reconnected with an old friend J because he was going through the same thing.  It was nice to have someone who truly understood.  Almost 2 years later and J and I have an amazing relationship, we live together, we are completely head over heals for each other and he and my son are such a great team.

I promise you, everyday it gets a little easier.  Some days will be a little tougher than most, but the bottom line is you’ve already made it 3 months.  I’d be willing to bet that you’re not hurting as much as you were 3 months ago.  No one expects you to just stop feeling.  It’s very hard to just shut off the love that you felt for someone.  But in a couple months from now or a year from now, you’ll look back and see how far you’ve come and how much better you feel about yourself.

If you need to vent at all, of need someone to listen, please feel free to PM me.


Post # 6
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I dated a guy before my husband for 4 years. I really thought we would get married though we were never enaged. He was quite a few years older than me so I thought he was ready to settle down and we were headed in that direction. He broke up with me labor day weekend a few years ago. At the time it was kind of out of the blue, i was not expecting it at all and I was devestated. (looking back, i probably should have seen it coming) I struggled with it for sure but as luck would have it i met my husband shortly after. the timing was incredible. Had i stayed any longer in that relationship i probably would have missed my chance with him.

Just remember  you broke it off for a reason – Looking back on my relationship with the ex I thank god i never married him but it took a lot of relfecting to realize that. he was a great guy but him and I together were just not good. Also – in my experience you will find the person you are supposed to be with when you least expect it and when you arent looking for him. When its right, you will know without a doubt. you are still so young!

Thinking of you, its hard but time will make it easier.


Post # 7
2742 posts
Sugar bee

@slicey19:  I think it was Ms. Snapdragon. It was bad but I think she got through it and she is so happy now. Check it out here and this is Ms. SD’s story. Even in real life, you see it all the time. It WILL get better. You are not going to be alone for the rest of your life. Not to be flippant but at 27, I was still single. It helped that I was in NYC so a lot of my friends were single BUT you will meet someone and when you least expect it too and you shall come back here and we shall all celebrate with you!

Post # 8
29 posts
  • Wedding: July 2012

I promise things will get better!  

I was engaged (the first time) four and a half years ago.  He was still in school, and I was working full time, so I was paying for everything for the wedding.  I spent everything I had on deposits, buying a dress, everything, only to have him be in school for two weeks and we broke off our engagement.  

I went out with two other people before I found my FH.  It’s been tough, but in the end, he is more than I could have asked for.  What it came down to for me was really looking at myself as an individual, the things I wanted for myself, and the things I had to offer to someone else.  I learned to stand my ground and not accept less than what I wanted in a partner.  

Remember that you have a lot of support, your friends, family, other Bees… we’re here for you!  If you need anything, feel free to PM me.


Post # 10
1572 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I wasn’t engaged, but I went through a divorce. When I was separated, adn knowing I was going to divorce my then-husband, I felt awful. I was broken hearted. I never thought I’d find love again (part of this was b/c my then husband brainwashed me and told me this). I figured sure, I’d date. I may even have relationships. But, I felt like I’d never find love again and surely never get married again. Then I met my partner. Also worth noting that HE never thought he’d be in love again (he got divorced over 6 years ago now). My partner and I sometimes wonder what if would have met before I met my ex, or if I would have left him when I got engaged – would we have worked out? Who knows. I do wish I would have left my ex husband before we got married. But yeah, there is totally hope. I was 26/27 when I left my ex husband (divorce took forever) and dealing with chronic health issues. I figured no one would want me. I went on several dates with a guy (for about a month) and thougth I was hitting it off, and then he told me he could never see him self long term w/ someone who was divorced. OUCH. The guy and I are still friends, but it’s not glaringly obvious to me that we would never work out for a multitude of reasons. 

It sucked when I left my ex. It hurt for a good long time. But it does get better. It sounds weird, but my divorce brought my mom and I closer than we ever were. There were so many nights that I cried at her house, or even on the phone. I learned who my true friends are,and leaned on a lot of them. It gets better, and it doesn’t hurt forever. Gradually, it hurt less and less each day. Then one day… it didn’t hurt. I still feel bad about having a failed marriage some days. But life is so much better than i ever thougth possible. it sounds crazy and weird to say that, but it’s so true. i’m so much happier than I ever have been before.