(Closed) hope this doesn’t sound selfish…

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2018

I figure people will just ask around. You might want to have your hosts mention it to people who were invited. Gifts are the reason for a shower, so you aren’t being selfish.

Post # 4
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Not selfish! Are you sure she didn’t include a separate insert for all guests but you that includes registry info?

Post # 6
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think people will know to ask! Just make sure that she, your friends/bridesmaids, and your family know where you’re registered, and they can let people know. Don’t worry. Worst case, she could shoot a quick email to the guests.

Post # 7
Member
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I have only been to a few showers where registries were included and guests like me won’t use them anyway! I am very anti-registry and refuse to buy anyone of gift from one. Most people can figure out you are expected to bring a gift to a shower.

Post # 8
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Do you have a website people know about? That might help. It’s also pretty easy to find people’s registries online these days so I wouldn’t worry about it too much!

Post # 9
Member
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Are you registered at a major national store (like Bloomingdales or Williams Sonoma or Bed Bath and Beyond)?  These stores, and a few others, will show up in the weddingchannel.com registry search.  Most people just go there to find registries and wedding websites.  If you are registered at a local store that isn’t included you can create a free wedding website at weddingchannel.com (it’s like filling out a word document)  and let your guests know where you are registered.

Post # 10
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

You guests will either do a search online for one or just ask the hostess where you are registered. People want to know where you are registered, so they’ll ask. You don’t include a registry insert for, say, your own invitation, but you typically do if you’re hosting for someone else.

The point of a shower is to “gift” the couple and help them out with their new life, afterall.

If they don’t ask around, they might just go to a nice department store and pick you up a nice “safe” gift, like some pretty towels or a crockpot. If you don’t like it/need it, you can always return. Your taste is probably not your great aunt matilda’s anyways. Or gift cards…your guests will figure it out =]

Post # 11
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I remember not too long ago, a bride was upset that some people didn’t bring gifts to her couples shower.    And there were a bunch of suggestions that that might have been because it was a couples shower, and maybe people didn’t know it was an actual “shower”.

So, my question is, did the invitation say the word “shower”?   I agree that the women will at least know to bring a gift, as long as they know it’s a shower (couples or not).  But if the wording is a little ambigous, and it can be construed as more of an engagment party, you might need to have the hosts give a shout out or an extra e-mail or something.

Post # 12
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2018

@bluespurrs…what exactly do you buy if you are anti-registry? Don’t you figure people realllly want the things they have on it?

Post # 13
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

KateMV: I don’t know what bluespurrs opinion is, but I think its more about the whole idea that a gift is something that a person gives with much thought and care to someone and a registry takes away from that special feeling and replaces it with a more noticeable feeling of obligation and a twinge of materialism.

I understand the practicalities of registeries and don’t blame brides that have them (shoot I might change my mind and do one). But I do think they sort of take away from traditional gift giving. It’s a trade off.

Post # 14
Member
5154 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

@bluespurs I am curious, why would you not want to get people what they clearly want? just wondering! I feel like people would return stuff they didn’t want in a lot of cases though I could be wrong.

 

as far as this issue, I would let the host know about the website (or create one if you dont have it yet! i love my weddinghchannel site) and have her direct guests there. it is her responsibility to get guests that info, so help her out 🙂

Post # 16
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Don’t feel snotty – at all!  I love absolutely everything I registered for, so I would hope people would go off the registry!  I had a co-worker that I didn’t invite to any showers, go to Crate and Barrel and get me a few gifts off my registry.  So I think most people, at least most people that can navigate through a registry in-store or on-line, will know to check those places. 

@bluespurrs – I have the same question as KateMV.  Do you know the people well enough to know what they would want otherwise?  I would only trust 1 person going that route…

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