Post # 1
Ok, so my FI and I are commnunicating a little better these days, he is making an effort to open up and talk to me and be there for me emotionally. Now, we just got horrible news about my stepdad. He has been sick for a few months now, no one could really figure out why, he was finally admitted to the hosp 2 1/2 weeks ago because he was severely dehydrated with a very high fever and couldn’t keep anything down and did not eat for a week. Short version, they treated him for sever UTI, Bladder & kidney infection, pneumonia, and thought that was it. a week in they figured out he had endocarditis, which had spread to his chest cavity, started treating that. Now he is in complete liver failure, which the ER doc diagnosed the first night but no one listened to, his kidneys are shutting down, he has had 3 G.I. bleeds and needed transfusions each time, and they still do not know how to stabalize him–although they are confident that they can. Here is the thing, the liver failure is permenent. Even when they get him stabalized and all these other conditions under control that fact remains and they have given him 6 months as a tentative time frame of what he has left. Our wedding is set for 7 months from now. I dont know if we should cancel the wedding? It just seems so strange to me to be planning and celebrating all this with him going through all this. At the same time, my grandfather already passed away ( in august) without seeing me get married, I do not want that to happen again….Help!
Post # 3
Brasty, I am so sorry to hear about your Stepdad. It is one of the hardest things to go through. I have no words of advice other than to try and be strong. God bless you and your family!
Post # 4
My deepest condolences at this awful news. If it were me, I’d have a really hard time planning if a parent had limited time. Unfortunately, you don’t know if 6 months is really accurate or not (it could be less or more). If having your stepdad present is meaningful (i know it would be for me), I’d actually try to bump up the wedding as quickly as possible – although, you have to consider that he may not be well enough to attend. Talk to your step dad and the rest of your immediate family and see if there is a consensus on what you should do. I’m sure your step dad would be supportive of anything you decided, but you should also consider your mom and other sibilings who will be in the grieving process. Sometimes a joyous occasion (like a wedding or child’s birth) can be a welcome relief in the midst of a loss.
Post # 5
I am so so soooo sorry to hear this, Brasty. This would be difficult news at any point in time, but I am sure it is so emotional when you are planning your wedding. Big, big hugs!
Just remember that the “6 months” that doctors have given him is completely tentative. Unfortunately, as much as we know about science, doctors still don’t figure out why some people are affected by diseases much quicker than others. Listen to your heart on this one & talk to your FI about it.
Perhaps you could do something small in the upcoming weeks- possibly have a small courthouse wedding to ensure your stepfather can be there, or maybe some other type of commitment ceremony if you truly don’t want to get married early. You could still have your wedding ceremony and reception as planned, but I am sure that ALL of your guests would understand if you chose to get legally married a little sooner so that your step father could be a part of it. I’m not sure that your step father would want you to cancel your wedding altogether, so make sure you talk to your loved ones as much as possible.
And also, I know that the guilt is very common, but just like he probably wouldn’t want you to cancel your wedding, your step father would NEVEr want you to feel guilty about being happy and planning a celebration. If it were me, I would WANT my loved ones to have something special and wonderful to look forward to. And I am sure that he is so happy that his step daughter is getting married & he wouldn’t want you to miss out on that happiness in any way!
Again, I’m so sorry to hear about the pain that you are going through.
Post # 6
- Wedding: October 2009 - Church Ceremony/Reception at The Waterford House
**hugs** I know exactly what you are going through. One of my regrets is that I wish I would have gotten married earlier so that my mom could have been there, even if it meant doing it in a hospital room.
Post # 7
i’m very sorry to hear what you’re going through. could you move the wedding up, even if it has to be a smaller / stripped down version, so he can be part of it?
Post # 8
I agree with nybride09. It may not be exaclty what you want but at least he will be able to be a part of it. I’m very sorry to hear about what your going through. I wish you the best.
Post # 9
I agree with the other posters, and I am so, so sorry to hear of your Stepdad’s illness. You and yours are in my thoughts.
Post # 10
I am so sorry to hear of what you and your stepdad and family are going through. As to changing the wedding plans because of his illness, you might enjoy some of Mrs. Pineapple’s posts. She got married early because of illness in the family, and then they had their planned wedding too.
You can read her posts here: http://www.weddingbee.com/author/pineapple/ (that’s the whole thread) and in particular these posts address the topic:
Announcing the early wedding: http://www.weddingbee.com/2008/09/15/vow-renewal/
Pics from the early wedding: http://www.weddingbee.com/2008/09/22/you-do-sweet-me-too/
Why they got married early: http://www.weddingbee.com/2009/03/12/love-again-loved-always/
Post # 11
Oh hunny I’m so sorry to hear that. I can sympathize, I can’t imagine the emotional toll this has taken on you. The only suggestion I really have is to talk to your family and those closest to you to see what is best for all involved. I know that if I wasn’t well, and someone I loved was planning something this important to them, I wouldn’t want them to cancel. You do deserve to be happy and to have a special event. That being said, you can’t act like this isn’t happening and put a fake smile on your face. If you’d like to bump up the date, I really hope they let you. If I were the vendors, and had the date available I’d do everything possible to accomodate you, given the situation, I’m sure they’ll try their hardest too. Be sure to really evaluate before you make any decisions. Prayers for your family.
Post # 12
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
I’m so sorry. I don’t know the best way to handle it as far as postponing or having an earlier wedding, but I just want you to know that I’m trying to think positive thoughts for you and wish your family the best.
Post # 13
I as well am so sorry to hear about that news. That must be so tough! If it were me, I would probably see how people would feel with bumping up the wedding.
Here is what happened to me:
My ex-FI only grandfather had a heartattack a few months shy of the wedding. He went into the hospital, and stayed until his death a few months later. As the time drew nearer, and he got sicker, my ex decided to call the wedding off, saying people would not be okay with celebrating during such a critical time. He was so stressed through this that we ended up breaking up, a decision he later regretted since I never went back to him. So I would be careful, you do want to care about other people’s opinions, but if you can, maybe talk to your step-dad? Let him know that him being there while you are getting married is something that is important to you, and how he would feel if you moved the wedding to a closer date, since everyone is stressed enough as it is. See what he says, if he can, and maybe talk to another close adult about.
Good luck hun, I hope things get easier!