Post # 1
- Wedding: September 2016 - State Park
Ladies I need help.
I knew my FI was going to propose. He asked for my advice and I gave him some suggestions of what I wanted, but he didn’t listen.
His budget was $2000 or under. Well he went to Zales and picked out a 1 carat princess solitaire. I don’t mind the ring itself, but the quality of the diamond is awful!! Literally as he was proposing I saw the giant inclusion. It’s an I3, I don’t remember the color (he paid $2200 for a 1 carat). I can’t look at it without being disgusted by the quality. I’m not upset with him and he is so proud of himself, but he literally went into it without a second thought and without any education.
I’ve been engaged before, and with that engagement my ex and I did a ton of research. What I really wanted was a round solitaire, small (less than half a carat) that was amazing cut, color (E or D), clarity (VS or better). That is the complete opposite of this ring.
Do I just live with it or do I bring it up? If I bring it up, how do I do it?
He stated when he gave it to me he wanted it to be my forever ring, meaning no changing it.
I don’t mean to be a brat, but I seriously dislike my ring.
Post # 2
peonytuliplove: I’m sure “carat” is the only parameter he knows about or cares about. Did you let him know which of the C’s you preferred? When you told him what you wanted did you say you wanted one that could be smaller but had better clarity or anything?
I don’t think it should bother you that much but if it does you shouldn’t have a problem bringing it up with him. You’re planning on spending the rest of your life with him so you two should be able to discuss these things.
DO NOT mention your previous engagement ring/process to him.
Post # 3
I feel so bad for you, I can handle some color in a diamond, but i hate mall jewelry stores and visible inclusions.
This is why, it is so important for a couple to discuss engagement rings before one is bought, because a lot of the times, guys go into mall jewelry stores with no education and no clue what their fiancée would actually prefer. I don’t think there is any way for you to tell him you don’t like it without him being upset, but maybe in a few years you can upgrade the center stone.
Post # 4
No diamond is 100% perfect (if it is, it didnt start that way, it was cut down to only leave the perfect parts). No person is perfect. No marriage is perfect.
I would love it for its sentimental purpose. You could bring up to your FI that the inclusions make the stone weaker but I would bring it up a long while after your engagement.
Post # 5
I3 is REALLY bad in terms of quality- I can see why you’re upset. I’ve seen some in stores with big black specs in them.
He did ask your preferences and then he either ignored them or had some salesperson persuade him that what you really wanted was a carat diamond (no matter the quality).
I think you should talk to him. I hope you have communication that is good enough that you can discuss what you wanted in terms of an engagement ring and perhaps you can trade it in for one that is more to your specifications? It’s a hard thing to navigate…He does want to make you happy and get you a “forever stone”- better to bring it up earlier than later.
Post # 6
I’ve seen the “value” 1ct from zales in person. It looked like cracked glass! It was pretty aweful. I think you need ot be honest. He may be hurt for a bit, but when he sees how happy you are with the right ring, he will get over it. Heck, it sounds like what you want may even save a bit of cash.
Post # 7
peonytuliplove: you know your FI the best and would be the best judge of whether he would be hurt or not if you bring it up. I agree with playdohpants that you should be able to communicate with each other if something is bothering you.
I don’t know what Zales exchange/return policy is, but if he bought it recently maybe you can trade it for a smaller stone that you can pick out together, with better quality. If I bought something expensive for my SO and they waited till after the return/exchange period to tell me they didn’t like it, that would bother me more than just them telling me they didn’t like it. Because I would want them to like it! That’s the point of a gift, right? That the recipient likes it? But that’s just me. Maybe you can casually ask him how he decided on that particular stone, and go from there?
Post # 8
I agree with plum_pudding. I am willing to bet he went into a jewelry store looking for guidance, and they convinced him that what his girlfriend wants is the biggest rock he can afford.
I also agree with playdohpants in that if you do bring it up, dont mention your ex AT ALL.
I would talk with him and try and play it off like you want it to be your forever ring, which is why you’re worried about the I3 because they are known to be weaker than diamonds with less inclusions. Say that while you love what he picked, perhaps you could exchange it for something that will definitely be a forever ring, even if its a smaller carat size.
I wouldnt ever ever ever let on that you dont like it, and try and get the point across that you want a different stone for practicality purposes and not because its not what you wanted.
Post # 9
peonytuliplove: I think you should tell him. If you wait, you will only be more resentful, and the conversation will be more difficult. I second PP….do NOT bring up the prior engagement.
Can you post a pic of the ring?
Post # 10
“I love you and cannot wait to marry you! You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me! And I’ve been debating about how to tell you that I want to be as excited about my forever ring as I am about YOU!”
“What?! You want to change it?”
“I want to love it as much as I do you”
Shenanigans will ensue. He’ll agree. Offer to go with him, pay for the difference if there is one, etc. You’ll have the stupid happy look on your face when he catches you looking down at your ring and that’ll slowly melt whatever resentment he may initially feel. (Hint: praise him, thank him, tell everyone within earshot how much you love your ring and what a great FI you have that bent over backwards to give you what you wanted especially in front of your parents, friends, his parents…)
Post # 11
What kind of inclusions does it have? If there’s anything crack like you can tell him you’re worried about the durability of the stone and maybe you should switch it to one you won’t have to worry about accidentally chipping.
Post # 12
Ya I’m sorry thats most likely not a “forever” ring even if he wants it to be. With clarity like that it is very likely to crack anyways. I would tell him that and say your worried about something happening to it due to the clarity.
Post # 13
Jabberwocky: LOL you read my mind.
Post # 14
Definitely try to ease into it. He’s a guy, and not to be rude, but most guys don’t research or know or understand all the C’s, and typically if they go into a store like that they’re epecting that the sales people will help and unfortunately usually they end up stearing them a certain way for sales instead of what the gf is actually looking for. I would just ease into it, definitely do not talk about your past engagement and the ring process there, and talk about how worry about it, want it to be forever and want his help in making sure it is the right stone. I’m sure it was a harmless unintended oops and just make sure give lots of positive feedback after to melt that away.
Post # 15
OP, do u mind posting a photo? Sometimes it helps getting other opinions about whether something is truly “horrible quality.”