Oh, I’ve got a sweet roomie story for you.
I’m in the NCAA, so I’m away from home traveling all the time. WELL.
I didn’t technically live with this girl, but my first year on the team, I had to room with this girl named…Christine. She was the manager, so she didn’t play.
Now Christine was a very obnoxious girl. Whatever, I kept to myself. I can handle all types of people. Well the night before my first tournament, I was pretty nervous about how I would perform. So I decided I would turn in early.
Apparently Christine really wanted to talk to her boyfriend.
And when I say “talk,” I mean she wanted to have phone sex 4 feet away from me. I told her I could hear her and I’m trying to get sleep for the tournament, but OH NO, that wasn’t good enough for Christine.
So I’m trying to go to sleep, and I’m hearing the sickest, nastiest things coming from Christine’s mouth regarding her vagina, her bf’s penis, urine, pleather, and something about dressing up as our mascot.
I couldn’t take it anymore.
I sat up like I was a corpse going through rigormortis:
“CHRISTINE I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL BITCH SLAP THE NASTY RIGHT OFF YOUR FACE IF YOU DON’T LET ME GET TO SLEEP!”
She, of course, was mortified, and hung up. After I rolled back over, she turned the TV on. I turned it off. Finally, she seemed to go to sleep. After an hour it seemed went by, she woke up me again by having phone sex with her bf.
Except when I saw her this time, she was naked and humping the pillow.
I rushed out of the room and told coach I would rather be eaten by rabid monkeys and my remains eaten by fire ants than ever room with her again.
Needless to say, I did not, and she was asked to not return for the next season.
A WOMAN NEEDS HER SLEEP.