Hospital visits

posted 2 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 2
2364 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

eecuadrado:  That is super obnoxious!!  You’re absolutely right not to tell anyone YOU don’t want there until you’re ready.  Heck, I’d give it 3 days hahahaha!!  

Post # 3
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

As a grandmother myself – my son has two little girls – I never had any expectation of being in the delivery room and neither, for that matter did my daughter in law’s mother. We both agreed that giving birth was an essentially intimate and personal time for the couple involved. Not anyone else.

As for arranging visiting, I think you have to accept that your child has TWO grandmothers. Your DH’s mother should not get the impression that she’s some sort of second class grandmother.  So if you want a couple of quiet hours together just getting to know your new son (which is the most reasonable thing in the world!) then it’s not really fair to exclude one grandmother. Let both of them give you that precious time together. 

Ultimately, you set the visiting times. You’ll be exhausted after labour and need to keep visitors down to sensible numbers anyway. Don’t wait until people turn up to turn them away but get your DH to phone everyone and say when it is convenient to visit. 

I abosolutely agree that you don’t announce you are in labour until it suits you. Nobody needs that sort of intimate detail before you are ready to share it. 

Post # 4
134 posts
Blushing bee

Lol it’s funny that you wrote you don’t want back to back calls. My mom did exactly that. She lives far away from us and all I told her was the name of the hospital. She found the number herself and called non-stop in the room when we didn’t answer our cells. And sometimes were trying to sleep! We were very clear with everybody that we wanted space and didn’t want calls until we call them to let them know baby came. 

I felt the same way as you, I didn’t want any visitors that night. But had them anyways. i regret not saying no. i frlt really sick after labour and tired and just wanted to be with hubby and baby. 

Keep your foot down, get your hubby behind you and make sure he lets his mom know how you both feel. I think it’s a great idea to not let anybody know until you are further along to tell ppl you’re in labour. Maybe have one person designated to pass on the msg though because things might go quickly once you get that far along and your hubby may not have time to call all. 

Good luck and congrats!

Post # 5
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

You are definitely in charge of who gets let into your room and when. Inform your nurses about any potential visitors and express your desire to wait a while before seeing anyone. Nurses are more than capable of handling the situation of unwanted/over-excited visitors.

Personally, I don’t plan to tell anyone until the baby is born as we do not plan on having any visitors at the hospital. I want to focus on bonding, establishing breastfeeding, and getting off to a good start with my recovery. Of course, this can change but, this is what we’ve told people. The one exception of my mother, my ILs are waiting a few weeks before flying out to visit (their choice), but my mom will fly out for a short visit right away so we will tell her when I get admitted. 

Post # 6
2696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think you need to establish visiting rules NOW. Either you or DH need to lay it on the line: We want time after baby is born, and will let you know as soon as we are up to visitors.

You don’t know how you will feel after…or when you’ll even be in labour. If you give birth at 3am, it may be less of a problem than if it’s in the middle of the day. Similarly, if you’re induced, there’s more of a chance your friends and family will know and be impatiently waiting for baby than if you naturally go into labour.

Be clear, but compassionate. They’re very excited for the baby too.

Post # 7
5968 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017


eecuadrado:  ultimately it’s up to you who you want to have at the hospital but I can’t say I blame her for feeling hurt or jealous that you are allowing your mother to be there and not her. She is the grandmother too so I can’t say I don’t understand why she’s feeling bothered by that. If I were her and you’re reasoning was that you wanted that time to yourself and then I found out you were allowing your own mother up there but not me I would feel pretty annoyed if not hurt as welll. The thing is, if she wants to wait in the waiting room she can do so all she wants, she doesn’t need your permission for that. At my hospital they asked us before allowing visitors up to see us though. I think you need to imagine a bit how you would feel if your son was having a baby and his wife’s mother was allowed to be there for the experience and you were not.

I understood everything until you said you’re allowing your mother up there but not her. that seems a bit wrong in my eyes. But again, ultimately you can choose to have whoever you want there or not. I would simply say “here’s the address. But we won’t be accepting visitors until we all are settled in and comfortable allowing visitors up. So keep that in mind when you are deciding when to come up.”

Also, part of the excitement for my family was being in the waiting room and ahving my son’s father come out and announce that my son had been born. I had no part in it and was left alone so I could sleep and relax. So maybe becuase I know how little it botherd me and how much it meant to them to be there I can’t really see why this is such a problem for you.

Post # 9
42117 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

eecuadrado:  The simple thing would be to not tell her till the baby is born. You never know what will happen with your labour or how fast or slow you will progress. If you don’t want her in the waiting room, don’t tell her.

If you decide you are ok with her in the waiting room, simply ignore the fact that she is there. You can give the nursing staff instructions that you don’t want visitors.

I understand why you feel you can tell your Mom- you can trust her not to show up until she is welcome.

Post # 10
851 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013 - The front lawn of our church

eecuadrado:  This sounds exactly like the post I was considering writing today! I’m only 13 weeks but yesterday, when I mentioned to DH that I did not want his mom (and sister) in the delivery room he was shocked and said, “well they’ll be crushed.” He thinks I should let them be in there. I don’t even want them in the waiting room! 

I get that she’s the grandma too, but honestly, I feel horrible saying it, but it’s not just about the baby. This is an extremely personal, intense time for me to! Yes, she’s the baby’s grandma, but she’s not my mom. 

I’d love to hear an update on how everything goes and how you decide to handle it!

Post # 13
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

eecuadrado:  you can’t krrp her from the waiting room as it’s a public place. You can keep her out of your room until you’re ready though. Just tell the nurses no visitors. You cant just roll back ti the rooms at least not at my hospital. You can also register as private so they don’t share your room number with any visitors who ask.

Post # 15
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

eecuadrado:  if it makes you feel better, we told my in laws to come to the room and when they knocked on the door DH told the nurse she could let them in and she still came to me and asked if it was okay. This was after she heard me tell DH he could tell them to come. If you have good nurses you won’t have an issue. i worried about this stuff too and it was unnecessary worry! 

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