Post # 1
Okay so my due date in in 5 days and MIL has been a bit off her rocker since she’s found I am pregnant. She’s super excited seeing as this is the first grandchild (for both families) she’s mad that she’s not allowed in the room when I give birth but I’m not comfortable with that. Back when I was 25 weeks I was in the hospital for bleeding and when we called her to tell her she was getting ready to go to the hospital! I know it was because she was concerned but give us our space ya know. We were scared too but we wanted to be alone and see what was going on. Besides calling her I of course called my mom but my mom is super laid back, told me if I need her to call her.
I found the next day that my MIL called my mom 3 times!! On the 3rd call my mom answered (she was busy with my sister) and my mom, in a nice and direct way said I won’t go over there until she calls me because I know she must be upset as well as DH and need their personal time. So bascially shut MIL down lol
Now that my due date is so close I’m really worried that she’s going to be waiting in the waiting room until he’s there. I don’t want that pressure of people waiting on me and I don’t want to get back to back calls and texts. She asked for the hospital address today. I have no problem with her visiting but I want to have that family time the first two hours ya know. My hopsitals visiting hours are from 12-8:30pm but I don’t know if they call you before letting a vistor come back or what.
DH and I already agreed that other than my mom we won’t be telling anyone I’m in labor until I’m about 6-7cm. Is there anyway that we can nicely say; when he gets here we’ll let you know. I know she’s excited and jealous that my mom gets to be there but we’re excited too and we need that time too.
Post # 2
eecuadrado: That is super obnoxious!! You’re absolutely right not to tell anyone YOU don’t want there until you’re ready. Heck, I’d give it 3 days hahahaha!!
Post # 3
As a grandmother myself – my son has two little girls – I never had any expectation of being in the delivery room and neither, for that matter did my daughter in law’s mother. We both agreed that giving birth was an essentially intimate and personal time for the couple involved. Not anyone else.
As for arranging visiting, I think you have to accept that your child has TWO grandmothers. Your DH’s mother should not get the impression that she’s some sort of second class grandmother. So if you want a couple of quiet hours together just getting to know your new son (which is the most reasonable thing in the world!) then it’s not really fair to exclude one grandmother. Let both of them give you that precious time together.
Ultimately, you set the visiting times. You’ll be exhausted after labour and need to keep visitors down to sensible numbers anyway. Don’t wait until people turn up to turn them away but get your DH to phone everyone and say when it is convenient to visit.
I abosolutely agree that you don’t announce you are in labour until it suits you. Nobody needs that sort of intimate detail before you are ready to share it.
Post # 4
Lol it’s funny that you wrote you don’t want back to back calls. My mom did exactly that. She lives far away from us and all I told her was the name of the hospital. She found the number herself and called non-stop in the room when we didn’t answer our cells. And sometimes were trying to sleep! We were very clear with everybody that we wanted space and didn’t want calls until we call them to let them know baby came.
I felt the same way as you, I didn’t want any visitors that night. But had them anyways. i regret not saying no. i frlt really sick after labour and tired and just wanted to be with hubby and baby.
Keep your foot down, get your hubby behind you and make sure he lets his mom know how you both feel. I think it’s a great idea to not let anybody know until you are further along to tell ppl you’re in labour. Maybe have one person designated to pass on the msg though because things might go quickly once you get that far along and your hubby may not have time to call all.
Good luck and congrats!
Post # 5
You are definitely in charge of who gets let into your room and when. Inform your nurses about any potential visitors and express your desire to wait a while before seeing anyone. Nurses are more than capable of handling the situation of unwanted/over-excited visitors.
Personally, I don’t plan to tell anyone until the baby is born as we do not plan on having any visitors at the hospital. I want to focus on bonding, establishing breastfeeding, and getting off to a good start with my recovery. Of course, this can change but, this is what we’ve told people. The one exception of my mother, my ILs are waiting a few weeks before flying out to visit (their choice), but my mom will fly out for a short visit right away so we will tell her when I get admitted.
Post # 6
I think you need to establish visiting rules NOW. Either you or DH need to lay it on the line: We want time after baby is born, and will let you know as soon as we are up to visitors.
You don’t know how you will feel after…or when you’ll even be in labour. If you give birth at 3am, it may be less of a problem than if it’s in the middle of the day. Similarly, if you’re induced, there’s more of a chance your friends and family will know and be impatiently waiting for baby than if you naturally go into labour.
Be clear, but compassionate. They’re very excited for the baby too.
Post # 7
eecuadrado: ultimately it’s up to you who you want to have at the hospital but I can’t say I blame her for feeling hurt or jealous that you are allowing your mother to be there and not her. She is the grandmother too so I can’t say I don’t understand why she’s feeling bothered by that. If I were her and you’re reasoning was that you wanted that time to yourself and then I found out you were allowing your own mother up there but not me I would feel pretty annoyed if not hurt as welll. The thing is, if she wants to wait in the waiting room she can do so all she wants, she doesn’t need your permission for that. At my hospital they asked us before allowing visitors up to see us though. I think you need to imagine a bit how you would feel if your son was having a baby and his wife’s mother was allowed to be there for the experience and you were not.
I understood everything until you said you’re allowing your mother up there but not her. that seems a bit wrong in my eyes. But again, ultimately you can choose to have whoever you want there or not. I would simply say “here’s the address. But we won’t be accepting visitors until we all are settled in and comfortable allowing visitors up. So keep that in mind when you are deciding when to come up.”
Also, part of the excitement for my family was being in the waiting room and ahving my son’s father come out and announce that my son had been born. I had no part in it and was left alone so I could sleep and relax. So maybe becuase I know how little it botherd me and how much it meant to them to be there I can’t really see why this is such a problem for you.
Post # 8
BurlapnLace: hahahaha Omg I wish I could wait 3 days but then that means having people in my house where are no set visiting hours lol
Steampunkbride: Oh I didn’t mean for it to come off that way. Its just my mom will already be in the room when I give birth so I’m not gonna send her off and I know she’ll end up heading home shortly after the birth because she has to get back to my little sister, who will be with my grandmom.
diymomma: hahaha nooooo that’s gonna be her I just know it!!! Dh said he will not be answering the phone lol back when we were in the hospital when I was 25 weeks he was SUPER pissed at her constant texts
Post # 9
eecuadrado: The simple thing would be to not tell her till the baby is born. You never know what will happen with your labour or how fast or slow you will progress. If you don’t want her in the waiting room, don’t tell her.
If you decide you are ok with her in the waiting room, simply ignore the fact that she is there. You can give the nursing staff instructions that you don’t want visitors.
I understand why you feel you can tell your Mom- you can trust her not to show up until she is welcome.
Post # 10
- Wedding: July 2013 - The front lawn of our church
eecuadrado: This sounds exactly like the post I was considering writing today! I’m only 13 weeks but yesterday, when I mentioned to DH that I did not want his mom (and sister) in the delivery room he was shocked and said, “well they’ll be crushed.” He thinks I should let them be in there. I don’t even want them in the waiting room!
I get that she’s the grandma too, but honestly, I feel horrible saying it, but it’s not just about the baby. This is an extremely personal, intense time for me to! Yes, she’s the baby’s grandma, but she’s not my mom.
I’d love to hear an update on how everything goes and how you decide to handle it!
Post # 11
kenziemt: Ohhh really?! I’m gonna deff tell my nurses then that way it doesn’t seem like I’m trying to shun anyone.
urchin: That’s what I was telling DH I try to let him talk to his mom about things like this because then she thinks I’m pushing her aside for my family (totally not true)
stardustintheeyes: I’m only allowed 2 guest in the room while giving birth and that’s always been super important to me that my mom be there. She’s my only parent and I really want her there which I thought my MIL would understand seeing as she had her mom in the room when she gave birth. She can surely wait in the waiting room however I don’t want her to be pushy about coming in the room.
Post # 12
julies1949: I would love to do that but when I brought up that idea to DH, to not tell anyone I was in labor until our son arrived he didn’t seem to like that idea. I’m for sure going to tell the nurses that I don’t want vistors. Yeah I don’t want people to think I’m favoring my mom or family but I know they won’t show up until I ask them to.
MrsSparkle10: Yes I know exactly what you mean. I told DH’s mom that awhile ago that she needs to understand that I’m the one who’s pregnant not her son, this is a very important moment in my life and I want to embrace it without extras. I agree I think that’s the hard part for mothers of boys. My mom is MY mom and no one will ever come close to that. For example MIL was upset when I called my mom about something that was happening in my pregnancy rather than her. Smh. Be strong that’s all I can say. Don’t let others make you feel like your feelings don’t matter. People like to say to me well you’re having a son, how would you feel and my answer is simple, I would understand because I’ve been there because I know how precious this moment is for my son and his wife and I respect it. Good luck mamas! I will deff update you on what happens!
Post # 13
eecuadrado: you can’t krrp her from the waiting room as it’s a public place. You can keep her out of your room until you’re ready though. Just tell the nurses no visitors. You cant just roll back ti the rooms at least not at my hospital. You can also register as private so they don’t share your room number with any visitors who ask.
Post # 14
MrsWBS: yeah I know you have to sign in and that they aren’t allowed to give info over the phones but I would hope they would tell you a vistor is there before letting them come in ya know.
Post # 15
eecuadrado: if it makes you feel better, we told my in laws to come to the room and when they knocked on the door DH told the nurse she could let them in and she still came to me and asked if it was okay. This was after she heard me tell DH he could tell them to come. If you have good nurses you won’t have an issue. i worried about this stuff too and it was unnecessary worry!