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So, if you have a cash bar the amount of money the guests spend on drinks doesn't count toward your minimum?
As a bride with tight finances who is paying for her wedding, I can relate to your quandary. That said, I would not be understanding if I was asked to pay for drinks at another wedding. I would be more understanding if there was no alcohol (or limited alcohol (ie: beer/wine)), than if there was alcohol that I had to pay for.
I would strongly caution against selling drink tickets or asking for money to cover it. Can you make up the price difference another way? vs. having to pay the fee?
Personally, I would be aghast if I went to a wedding where the DJ announced that the bride and groom would like you to give them money to offset the cost of your drinks. Granted, I don't like cash bars (I know its a regional thing), but it seems uncouth if the families themselves are selling tickets or requesting money.
I'd check with your venue to see if the money they make at the cash bar will offset your food and beverage minimum. If not, maybe you can host an open bar for cocktail hour (to help you meet that minimum) and switch to a cash bar once dinner is served.
Definitely don't make an announcement - if you can't have an open bar all night just do a beer/wine bar.
when you sale 'selling drink tickets', do you mean like someone will be walking around with an envelope of cash and a roll of tickets? uhhhh...i think that might be a bad idea. if you have to meet a minimum, why dont you have a host bar until the minimum is met and then make it a cash bar afterwards. i also dont think its a good idea to request donations. i bought you a gift, i shouldnt have to buy raffle tickets and make donations too. did you not know about the minimum before you signed the contract? i guess im confused. you are going to have to pay this extra amount no matter what, but you would rather your guests paid for it? why not trim in some other places? like cut out the favors or scale back the flowers?
Sorry I just realized you said "most halls we are interested in" and not the hall you got. Maybe you need to search for a more affordable venue if you can't afford to pay for the venue's minimum costs?
I used to bartend for a caterer and there are so many ways to do the bar!
Depending on each couple's budget, I personally think it's nice to host some of the bar. Hosting a cocktail hour or even free beer go a long way in terms of guests enjoying themselves and feeling well taken care of. I also know that a wide open bar all night WILL lead to a lot of wasted alcohol.
I really don't mean to sound harsh, and I certainly understand limited finances... but this does not seem like a good idea.
It seems to me that you need to suck it up and get a different venue. It sounds like you haven't booked a venue yet, but the venues you are interested in you simply can not afford. Now, if you want to go with a cheaper venue and no alcohol, I think guests would totally understand. But choosing a venue you can't afford and essentially asking guests to offset to cost of the too-expensive venue (yes, it is "for drinks" but if you didn't have drinks it would be the same cost it sounds) seems to be rude in my book. It is your job to throw the wedding, and your guests will bring you gifts. You can't ask them to chip in for the reception too.
But, that is just my opinion. Good luck.
i definitely would not make an announcement!! i wouldn't necessarily be offended if i was asked to pay for my own drinks at a wedding. we also have a minimum bill for our reception, but any drinks that our guests buy will go towards that. however, we plan on having an open bar. we're just going to ask the bartender to not allow anyone to get too out of control. it's more than i don't want a bunch of wasted people to deal with!!
@lillydsm I'll have to ask the venues that again, they didn't offer that as an option (and I didn't think about it as an option)
@jocelyn3476 in my experience, when the choices are free beer, or paid mixed drinks, people will drink free beer ... which would put as back in the same position.
I'm sorry, but I really think I would be upset/put off if I was asked to donate to the cost of the wedding/bar, or if drinks were charged to me at a wedding. Guests at a wedding are guests, and they are not expecting/expected to have to pay for anything at a party they were invited to.
I would look into a beer/wine bar, and also specify just a couple of types of each so you don't get surprised when someone orders a premium ale vs. a bud light.
There are obviously a ton of alternatives to a full open bar like beer and wine only, consumption with a cap, or a certain time period. I don't think you should make that announcement, that might be kind of rude and make things awkward for your guests. I would much rather pay for my own drinks at a wedding then hear an announcement asking me for money to fund the bar.
Hmmm, I don't know if this is an option for you or not, but this is what we did:
The venue we had our reception at allowed us to supply our own alcohol at a cost of $7.95 a head. We supplied 2 different kinds of beer, red and white wine that our fathers made together, vodka, rum, and 2 different kinds of whiskey.
It was quite affordable, and much cheaper than using their alcohol. I used to work at our venue, and I know that if you are using the club's liquor they pour waaaay more in each drink to get the bill up.
I would recommend supplying your own alcohol if that is an option. As a guest I would not be happy to have to pay for my own drinks. (That may just be a regional thing for me, as around here, cash bars are completely taboo)
I think you should never, ever go from a hosted bar to a cash bar in the middle of your reception. I just went to a wedding that did that, and as someone who is of the age who likes to drink at a wedding, myself and the other mid-late 20s guests were NOT understanding. We all thought it was tacky. Either host it all, or have your alcoholic drinks be for purchase the entire time, or do just beer and wine and host it, but don't switch in the middle of your party. Maybe take a look at your budget as a whole and see where you can rearrange things to make it work to host your bar tab; for me and FI, we decided that we could cut our guest list a little and DIY a few things in order to make our F&B work. Also, try to negotiate with your venue; in this economy, they might be willing to work with you by lowering the minimums or waiving the rental fee. We found several places were willing to do that when we asked, but of course they aren't going to volunteer that information to you when you initially look at the site :).
Good luck! I'm sure you will find the perfect place that will make it all work out for you!
I agree with most other posters that I would be totally offended if the DJ made announcements for donations to offset the cost of the bar.
I would see if you could do an open bar beer and wine only, or find a place that may be more affordable.
I may be in the minority, but I wouldn't mind if I had to buy my own drinks. I've had to do it before, I'm sure I'll have to do it in the future. But I'd be a little weirded out if people asked me to contribute to the cost of their bar though. I might not be understanding your particular issue, but couldn't you just offer beer and wine with some kind of consumption cap so it stays within your budget? Or a time limit? Given the choice of paid mixed drinks and free beer, of course I'd go with free beer, but you can keep it under control by limiting how much beer or how long it's available for.
Ditto the beer/wine suggestion. I've been at a wedding where there was an open bar for an hour and then it switched to a cash bar and some people got pretty haughty over it.
i should also add that we plan to limit what liquor the bar gives out. as in, no top shelf scotch haha
I agree with those who have said no announcement and no asking people to contribute to the fund. I also think that it is fine to go from an open bar for cocktails and then cash bar after dinner. We're paying for a signature drink, beer, and wine, anything else is cash. The only people who will have more than 1 or 2 drinks at our wedding will be our 20 something nieces/nephews and cousins. Quite frankly, I don't need to pay for what will end up being a typical night at the bar for them. You can call me cheap, and you'll read this a lot from me, but the money I don't spend on an open bar will go to our new house, which is way more important than the bar tab the guests run up!
@nashvillebridetobe would you prefer a cash bar or no bar?
@misspenny where in Canada are you? Something like that appeals to me, but I have only in the last couple of days started looking at venues, but I am looking for TTC accessible locations (I'm in Toronto), as no one on my side drives
@everyone ... thank you for your thoughts, I guess I just didn't realize all the options I have ... I only started looking at venues on the weekend ... and will probably do a separate post to find out if there are more affordable venues in Toronto ... as I have only looked at ones that I've gotten information from at wedding shows ... and I do understand the more pricey ones will have booths there. But I also don't want to end up in some sketch place, so I'm still trying to find a balance between the two.
Also, hubby-to-be wants a more traditional reception, and I could care less ... so I'm trying to appease him without freaking out over the numbers.
I would rather do a beer/wine/soda bar (limited) or heck even a bar with soda paid and everything else cash if the budget is really tight, than an announcement or tickets.
We are doing a limited bar for a few reasons:
1. Keeping costs reasonable
2. Hoping that people having to shell out for multiple hard liquor drinks will deter over indulgence
3. Most people can find something that they can enjoy with 4 types of wine (Chardonnay, Merlot, Pino Grigiot and White Zinfandel), and 4 types of domestic bottled beer (Budweiser, Bud Light, Miller and Miller Lite I believe is what they said), soda and bottled water. If they can't, they can pay for it themselves.
4. This is a wedding reception people - not a Saturday night at your local pub!
5. Not all of the adults will be drinking liquor, and we pay for them to whether they drink it or not. Seems silly to me!
Just my 2 cents!
-Bella
I don't think your problem is having a cash bar, I think its the way your phrased announcing it. If you have a cash bar, the bartender will let guests know how much alcohol will cost them. No need for a DJ annoucement or a pot for donations for your open bar.
I will say in my opinion, if you want alcohol at your wedding, you should try to offer some of it at no cost. So, where you can, cut back. Your guests will appreciate it!
I will also say that people get drunk off of wine and beer as easily as they can off of liquor. Make sure you get legit bartenders who can moderate intake.
@awakemysoul - I am in Windsor :-) So not too too far from you. If you've ever been to a wedding in Windsor, you will know that most wedding receptions end up being at one of the MANY Italian halls in the city (whether or not you are Italian makes no difference - there just aren't too many other places to hold them if they are big). Anyway, as long as the reception venue is not a bar or something, they may let you supply your own. It's definitely worth asking. We saved A LOT of money that way. We also returned a lot of the left over unopened beer and liquor. We found that by having limited choices (eg. no schnapps, no tequila, no bailey's etc) we didn't end up paying for an entire bottle of liquor that only had a few ounces used out of it. And really - we didn't hear one complaint from anyone about the choices available.
@heather25 I think for clarification, its not a cash bar ... it will be a host bar, we are just hoping to recoup some of the cost of the host bar. Because it is either pay for a host bar, or pay a rental fee.
But I am still in the very early early stages of venue hunting, so I imagine at some point we'll find a place whose minimum rental fee is within our budget, and then we can just do a cash bar on top of that. Its just that everything I've seen thus far and liked, the minimum reception cost, the only way to obtain it is to include a host bar.
I am not totally horrified by cash bars, although I would avoid it personally. But I *would* be horrified by a request for donations for the bar. Either you hold an open bar because you can afford it in your budget, or you don't.
What you could do is offer a specific signature cocktail that you are paying for and let guests by other drinks themselves, or host beer and wine only. I've also seen where guests are given drink tickets (a drink or two on the hosts), and they can buy their own drinks after they use their tickets. But plllleeeease don't ask your guests for donations!
@MissPenny I like your thinking, because really, 95% of our guests will know and understand that we can't afford to offer a host bar ... as we are paying for everything 100% ourselves ... and though I know many will give wedding gifts in cash ... we obviously don't want to count our chickens before they hatch.
I'm finding that venue hunting, like clothes shopping ... is something I loathe ha. And its only been a couple of days.
I like the idea of having an open bar that you pay for, maybe for an hour or 2, and then switch to a cash bar.
You definitely are going to find most places in Toronto are pretty expensive. I'd say look around the GTA, but if you're wanting it to be fully accessible by TTC it will be even harder. Maybe the best thing to do would be to have it at a restaurant? Look at more non-traditional choices and see if that will save money. We're having ours in my fiance's grandparents backyard (I know this can end up being more expensive but so far we have found the opposite for ourselves is true). Toronto prices are pretty high in general.
@brianalaura Ya, we need to have it accessible by TTC, or else no one from my side would be able to get there at all, as no one drives ... and trying to co ordinate car pooling will probably cause me to rip my hair out. I think I just need to convince the other half, that is the only practical way to do it ... but he wants a traditional reception ... I think I just need to provide him with cold hard numbers.
Keep looking for reception venues to find something that fits your budget better.
I am of the belief that your weddings guests are just that - your guests. I'd be ticked if I was invited to reception and had to pay for my drinks or parking or whatever.
When looked at several venue that allowed you to bring in your own alcohol, which would have saved a bunch of money. Don't stick just to the places you met at the bridal fair. Use the internet and look at local bridal magazines.
Good luck!
I feel you there! I wanted to have an immediate-family-only wedding but the fiance wanted the big-do. Luckily we were both in for a relaxed and more casual wedding (now it's just convincing everyone else). I'll keep an ear to the ground about cheaper places because I have some other friends getting married in Toronto next year. Good luck!
Is there anyway to find a venue where the open bar option is cheaper than the rental fee + cash bar. That is what I would go with.
As much as I understand budget concerns, I agree with everyone above. Asking people to pay for their drink by announcing that you are taking "donations" or selling drink ticekts is very tacky. In fact, I think that many of the guests would be offended. That said, there are definitely ways to get around this as mentioned above - find a cheaper venue where the open bar is already included in the negotiated rate or serve beer/wine only. Asking guests to pay for their drinks especially after they have potentially traveled far distances to attend and/ or bought you a nice gift isn't that great. And the one thing they will remember from the wedding is that they had to buy their own drinks.
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So, we're not really wanting to pay for our guests to drink. Mostly because we are paying for the reception ourselves, and we really don't have the money to pay for an open bar.
However, most venues we are interested in have a minimum reception cost, and if we don't meet it then we have to pay a rental fee. So, either we pay for an open bar, or we pay for the rental fee.
Now, my thinking is ... if the venue even allows us to, would be to turn around and either sell cheap drink tickets (like $2 or $3 a drink), or have an announcement that the bride and groom would appreciate donations to offset the cost of the bar. As 95% of our guests are our age, would be drinking and I think would be understanding that we can't really afford to pay for them to drink all night.
What are others thoughts. I know it may not be proper etiquette, thats not what I'm looking at. I'm trying to guage if you went to a wedding, where you knew the bride and groom were paying for it, and didn't have a lot of cash ... if you would be understanding or take offence to the request to help cover the cost of the open bar.