Post # 1
long time lurker coming out of hiding because my over thinking mind is driving me crazy. our wedding is 8 months away (where did the last 4 moths go?) and FH and I are going back and forth on what to register for. well, really i’m the only one going back and forth, FH is at the “whatever you’d like” stage after my relentless maybe this or maybe that.
so here’s the deal: like many of you we’ve been living together for 5 years, don’t need a new toaster, yadda yadda yadda. one thing we’ve always wanted was our own house, so we thought maybe just “ask but not ask” for money for a downpayment instead of a traditional registry. sounds perfect, but then these thoughts pop into my mind – what about the shower? no gifts to open? is this putting too much on my MOHs to plan a no gift shower? and not to mention, we live in a VERY overpriced city. even with gifts of money from the wedding we won’t be in a position to purchase a house until we’ve saved up a lot more, which could take another 5 years. ugh.
and then there’s the issue of the honeymoon. FH is fine without one but i’ll be honest, the thought of getting married without a honeymoon makes me a little sad. i’ve always thought about the honeymoon as an opportunity to take a “dream vacation”. so do we take our dream trip to patagonia and hike the torres del paine circuit? airfare alone is going to cost us $3000 so this is an expensive trip, but we can do a somewhat tradional registry at REI for camping gear and have a “normal” gift shower. we won’t end up with much of a nest egg when we’re done, but will have some pretty awesome memories.
so after all that running on (sorry) my question to you, hive, is do we do the adult thing and save the money for a house, however far off in the future that it might be OR take the opportunity and have the honeymoon (and the memories) of a lifetime?
Post # 3
It may not be the most responsibile decision, but I think I would take the dream honeymoon. When push comes to shove, you’ll do what you need to get your ducks lined up for a house when you really want or need it. A vacation is something that could so easily be pushed off time and time again (especially after you havea house and all the expenses that come with it), and before you know it, years have passed by and you still havent’ done the dream vacation. I’d take the once in a lifetime trip now while you can.
Post # 4
What’s your financial situation like? Meaning, how much debt to the two you of you have and how are you paying for the wedding?
I would register for things you want/need (not the traditional things that registry consultants will tell you to register for). DH and I both lived on our own, so we had basic things, but there were things we wanted (like nice knives, pots/pans, vacuum, wine glasses, etc.). So, we registered for those things only. The people who will give you cash, will give you cash. You’ll likely end up with a mix of each. I wouldn’t suggest going to route of ask but don’t ask.
re: honeymoon or dream vacation – if you can afford it, I’d pick the honeymoon. We paid for our wedding ourselves and there was no extra money to take our dream honeymoon, so we just did something luxe, but local. If it ends up you can’t afford it, you can do something like that – where it’s a fraction of the cost, but still feels like a honeymoon. I often wonder if we’ll ever take that ‘dream’ trip – there seems like there is always a big ticket expense that’s on our ‘wish’ list.
Post # 5
What me and my Fiance decided to do, since I can’t travel out of country (visa problems), we decided to save up for a down payment on a house. There is a wedding registry out there called uponourstar.com which lets your guests give you money towards items you put on there instead of actually giving you the item. I think its a pretty swell idea.
After I become a permanent resident, then we are going to Europe and have a honeymoon which might be in like 3 years time. But at least we will have a house to come back to.
That being said, if you really want to go on your dream vacation and you don’t mind having to wait a little longer for your house, I say do it.
Post # 6
Dream honeymoon now – you only live once 🙂
Post # 7
- Wedding: March 2011 - Rosehall Resort, Montego Bay, Jamaica
What about instead of registering, set up a honeymoon registry? Your guests can pay apart of your honeymoon. Ive seen this done so many times and always seems to be a nice guesture.
Post # 8
I’d do the honeymoon. You have to live your life a little, you know? I would do a honeymoon registry and the REI registry. You can’t do a shower without gifts… I don’t think anyone would give money for that.
Post # 9
I’d think about your financial situation and earning potential. If the wedding contribution to your house fund isn’t going to make a huge difference in when you’ll be able to buy a house (i.e. only move it up a couple months), but would make the difference now between dream honeymoon and weekend at the Best Western by the airport…then go for the honeymoon. Either way, you should register for some tangible gifts for showers and whatnot. But they don’t need to be vacuum cleaners and blenders – they can be camping supplies, tools, etc.
Post # 10
thanks for all the suggestions ladies! i am leaning towards the honeymoon, but i think i was all along! now to just talk it over with the FH…
Post # 11
I would, and did, go with the house instead of big fancy honeymoon. My parents gifted us a large amount of money for the whole wedding, and said do what you want with it. We spent about half on the wedding, a tiny bit on the honeymoon, and almost a year later we were able to put an offer on a house. We could never have done that if we didn’t save up that money, and since I’m pregnant and really wanting to get out of this townhouse before the baby comes, I have no regrets! We were still able to have an awesome honeymoon. It wasn’t a “dream vacation,” but I figure we have our whole lives to do that.
Post # 13
I will go responsible here, as a homeowner I say the House, right now our house that we own and rent out is basically an added income. It is setting us up, it is an investment in itself. I can’t believe I spent 1100/month for over 3 years on rent, it is such a waste! You can go on a Honeymoon later, if you desire the Honeymoon do a quick weekend getaway somewhere.
I have been on many fabulous trips the memories last a lifetime, but the security of having or owning a home means alot to me. It also goes back to your situation and our debt….
Best of Luck!! I know its a hard decision but making a HOME is what marriage is all about!
Post # 14
i would go for the house. you can also take a dream vacation later in life. for now, you can just go to a bed and breakfast for a weekend for your honeymoon, or even do a staycation and just relax.