Post # 1
So after another minor quarrel with my Fiance about how much I do around the house compared to him, I started to wonder how other couples split household chores. I do all the cleaning, food shopping, most of the cooking and cleaning up after dinner, most of the laundry, and just general keeping our place neat. He does some of the cooking and and some of the laundry- but doesn’t actually put it away. We pretty much split walking the dog. I’m ok with him not doing the real cleaning because I am particular about that stuff and I know I would be picky about the job he did. I just feel like I do a lot of the work and I am wondering if that is typical? We are looking to buy a house and he has said that outside will be his responsibility and that will make things a bit more equal….but in the meantime, I’m curious how other bees split up chores???
Post # 3
Our rule is, whoever makes dinner doesn’t have to clean up. Usually I make dinner so he cleans up. Lately though I’ve been cleaning up – Darling Husband has been slacking. He takes out the garbage and emptys the cat litter. I clean the bathroom, living/dining room, and I sweep/wet swiffer the steps, hallway, and living room and dining room. Darling Husband cuts the grass – we have a HUGE yard. So I guess I do more when it comes to chores..but I think it’s because I’m like you – I’m so particular when it comes to certain things!
Post # 4
He mows (when we have a working lawn mower!) and takes out the trash and takes care of the dog. I do laundry, dishes, grocery shopping, cooking and general cleaning. It drives me a little crazy but he does work more. When we graduate (we’re both currently full time students and working part time but his job is much more intense than mine) and my work is longer/harder he is going to step up.
Post # 5
When I cook, he cleans up and vice versa.
I hate doing laundry— so Fiance is nice enough to do all of my laundry and puts it up (although I usually have to go and move stuff into it’s proper place). He also takes out the trash and cleans the cat litter (ick).
He hates cleaning the bathroom, so I’ll clean the bathrooms and tidy up. We usually do grocery shopping together. We live on the 3rd floor, so he’ll make the runs up and down bringing groceries up while I put everything up.
I usually do most of the everyday tidying up—picking up here and there.
I vacuum, sweep, and mop. If I did want to ask him to do those things I would/could, I just like doing it my way. We try and walk the dogs together but we do occasionally switch, just based on schedules.
I think it just has a lot to do with their upbringing. FI’s parents always made him and his brothers help their mom out around the house. His dad is even the same way with my Future Mother-In-Law.
I did date someone once who was the baby of the family. All of the women in his family (mom, grandma, aunts) catered to him. So when we started dating he kind of expected the same thing because he didn’t know otherwise.
Post # 6
we’re kind of split. Fiance cleans the bathroom, i clean the bedroom. we tag team the kitchen. we cook together and usually clean up together as well. everything else alternates also
Post # 7
Well.. it depends. Do you both work? Does only he work? Do only you work?
I am not working at the moment, haven’t since Sept. And considering I am not putting into the family financially, I feel my “job” now is housework and holding down the fort.
When I was working and he was doing his school program we would fight all the time because I was tired of coming home having to cook and clean after an 8 hour day of work while he just attended school for 4 hours and played video games the rest of the afternoon.
Now he knows how I felt and although I slack at times he never fusses or whines about the house because he knows how it was when he was home and I was working.
So I honestly think it should be talked about and what is fair for each other.
Post # 8
- Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium
Wow! It sounds like you do a lot!
We both have demanding full time jobs, and we split the housework. I cook and clean the kitchen, but he does the dishes. I sweep and dust. He takes the trash out. We both walk the dog and feed/water/clean up after our ferrets. He cleans the bathrooms (he admits he makes the mess. ew.) We also both do the laundry. And, unfortunately, we’re both terrible about putting it away. We grocery shop together, though, I’ve gone twice in the past two months alone (we’ve been super busy, so we divide and conquer), and it was pretty nice. We run errands together.
…we pretty much share all responsibilities.
I do dream of being a stay at home mom… when that happens, I’ll happily do more.
Post # 9
This is a work in progress for us…generally I make dinner (I get home earlier) and he does the dishes. I do most cleaning but usually we try to clean at the same time together to keep it even.
Post # 10
I would say we are 70%/30%
I do slightly more, but it doesn’t bother me
Post # 11
we dont split chores – his only thing is taking out the garbage once per week.
i do absolutely everything else but ironing (my Mother-In-Law irons his clothes because i hate doing it). hubby doesnt even do the lawns (my Father-In-Law does all the sons lawns)
Post # 12
I cook, wash dishes, mop, sweep, vacuum, clean everything, do all laundry, take out trash and recycling, do all menu planning and shopping. He, um, fixes things when they break. But as other have said, it’s very situation-dependent. He works 80-90 hours a week and is rarely home before 7pm. I work full-time, but more like 40 hours a week and I work entirely from home. So it just makes sense for me to get stuff done around the house so that when he’s off we can enjoy our time together.
Post # 13
We do almost everything together. We both cook, do laundry, do general cleaning, grocery shopping, etc. There are only a few things are designated as my chores or his chores.
I mop, clean the bathroom, (because I don’t like how he does it), and put away laundry, (because I’m particular where my clothes go).
He takes out the trash, cleans out the fridge, (when necessary), and is usually the one to clean out the cat’s litter box.
Everything else is just done by the person who has time at the moment or together.
Post # 14
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
We both cook and clean up the kitchen, but I do a much better job of cleaning it, so I often have to reclean behind him. We do our own laundry for clothing, but I usually tackle the shared stuff: towels, linens, kitchen towels, etc. We share the dog responsibilities now, but it used to be mostly me because I brought the dog to the relationship. We both tidy up our own stuff. He attends more to keeping our car clean. We both vaccuum, but again, I do the better job. He is the only one who ever cleans the windows. I am the only one who cleans the refridgerator. When the bathroom needs to be cleaned, I hate to do the shower, so he often does it, but not all the time. I usually do the rest. He takes out the trash probably 75% of the time and always the recycling. I have finally gotten him to help make the bed each morning.
Post # 15
Thanks for all the input! I really like the idea of whoever doesn’t cook, does the clean-up- that’a an easy fix.
@PoeticDoveInLA: We do both work full time. Fiance works 6 days a week and works an hour away. I work 5 days a week and I’m only about 15 minutes from work. So, part of the chore inequity comes from our work schedules. He’d do the shopping with me, but he works in a grocery store and it is easier for me to go on days he can’t go. He does pick up things during the week when it’s needed. We are currently living in my condo (owned it before we met), I do think that once we get a house that is ‘ours’ it will make a difference with some of the chores.
@Benavis1489: I completely agree that upbringing plays a role. In my house, my parents really shared household chores. Fiance on the otherhand, grew up as the baby of the family with 4 older sisters. There is no doubt in my mind that he was babied and not expected to help with the house. It’s not easy changing old habits….but he’s getting there!
Post # 16
@Benavis1489: This sounds pretty heavenly!!
I’m in the do most camp. I’m actually posting from FIs house in the country that I drove out to after work to paint all the ceilings (to spruce it up for sale) because I’m sick of shit taking so long. He worked a couple of extra hours because I wasn’t going to be home at my house and from what I’m determining right now through texts, he hasn’t done much including not putting away his 4 baskets of laundry that I’ve been asking to be put away for weeks. Apparently there are 2 slices of peameal bacon waiting for me at home. Also he just watched a commercial for American Pie reunion. THIS IS CRUCIAL INFORMATION HE HAS SPENT THE NIGHT GATHERING LADIES. :sticksforkineye:
So before I get in the shower to de-drywall dust & de paint myself and drive an hour back to town to fall into bed and fit making lunches in there somewhere, I’m indulging in a glass of wine and plain chips.
I’m not generally a fan of unions in the western world but occasionally I think a girlfriend/wife union wouldn’t be a bad thing 😉
* he does offer to pick things up on his way home from work, but generally he needs a little kick to help out. I do get flowers fairly often so somehow in my mind that’s a balance lol!!