(Closed) Houses & marriage & WTF do I even want out of life?

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@4cube:  I’m sorry this is a tricky situation. I think your just stressed about all the changes. I hate change. I will do anything and everything to avoid it. I hate even moving to a new house although it’s necessary. I think that’s what your dealing with.

 

I feel similiarly about a big wedding. I don’t have a big family and I have a few close friends but my FI doesn’t have many close friends at all. He however does have a bigger familiy. I just don’t know about planning a whole wedding. We were planning on doing a small wedding, then we were planning on doing an elopement. Basically go to the courthouse, get a photographer, get a small cake, do all your wedding stuff, go out dancing, get on a plane, run away to Paris or Italy, or any vacation. And that to me sounds easier.

 

 

If your not ready try to get approved for a loan without get married. It’s difficult but maybe you can do it. If it really isn’t worth it consider eloping!

Post # 4
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

My FI and I own a house together and have for years. The banks etc. didn’t raise an eyebrow. We did draw up a separate contract between us specifying how we’d dispose of property in the event we separated – sort of like a prenup without the nup.

Post # 5
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I can totally see where you are coming from.  My SO and I have been tossing around the idea of getting a house together, but honestly I just felt like I would be more comfortable if we were married first, or at the very least engaged.  Its just something that I want for myself, I know the bank wouldn’t bat an eye at it otherwise (I work at a bank).

I know if I told my SO that I just wanted a small wedding, with family only, that I would get a proposal the next weekend.  He is aprehensive of a traditional wedding, with budgets, dresses, cakes, fittings, tastings, and the whole nine yards.  But honestly, I want it so bad that I cannot seem to bring myself to settling for something little…..call me selfish and crazy but thats how I feel.  We have been together for 10 years now, so I have been waiting for a long time….can’t change my mind about what I want now. 

 

Post # 7
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@4cube:  we bought a place together 4 years ago. No one cared-the bank, the lawyers. They just want to know you are a responsible borrower! Haha

Post # 8
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Getting married doesn’t have to be a big production. I think you are smart to put your legal protection with the house first. If you were to buy a place, but not get married, i’d recommend having papers drawn up giving each of you survivorship rights in the case of a death etc. It will cost quite a bit (less than a wedding, though). Otherwise, either of you can lose the house to each other’s next of kin should something happen to one of you.

 

Post # 10
Member
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@4cube:  In my opinion, a wedding is only as stressful as you let it be.  We arent even engaged yet and have discussed just eloping to save ourselves the pain in the ass. So I feel ya there.

 

That being said, I work in the Mortgage industry and @geekspice: is 100% correct: I see many, many loans every single day where people are not married and just took the extra step to protect themselves in the event of a seperation.  I’m not completely on-board with the “I’m not getting a house with someone I’m not married to”, because being married certainly doesnt make you exempt from the stress of figuring out a house during a divorce.  So I advise you (wed or not) cover your butt from a legal standpoint if you choose to get a home together.

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