Post # 1
I’ve got a guest/invitation etiquette question. What about guests who got a STD, know they are getting invited, but were also told they would be getting a plus-one. I’m talking about single people who right now still have no idea who their plus one will be.
Is it okay to change your mind and invite them without a plus one after hinting or telling them for sure they would be getting one?
Post # 3
They might be confused about the switch, but if anyone asks just explain the circumstances to them. It is VERY generous to offer plus one to alot of people. For those who don’t say anything, let it go. They’ll get over it, esp if they aren’t dating anyone right now. If someone should have scrounge to find who their plus one is, they shouldn’t be allowed to have one!
Post # 4
I think that if you indicated they would be getting a plus one it would be rude to invite them without a guest!
However, if you sit down and talk to them before the invites go out and explain the situation and they understand and ok with coming sans guest I think it is ok – that is really the only nice way of doing it!
Post # 5
You CAN retract the plus-one offer, but be careful that the guest without a plus-one will have other people he/she knows to spend time with at the reception.
Post # 6
But I agree that you would need to talk to that guest personally about why the change has occured.
Post # 7
I think it’s OK but only if you explain it to them first since they were already told something different. Chances are they will understand but I don’t think the invite is the best way for them to find out about the change.
Post # 8
I dont think you can go back on your word, If you already told them they could have a plus one. I think if you had not told them they could have a plus one I dont think it would be required ( unless they have a SO of course.)
Post # 9
My opinion is that if you previously stated that they would be able to bring a guest, that it would be rude to now not allow them to do so.
I was once told that I would be invited to a wedding (without having even asked the person about it…they just openly told me I would be going to their wedding), and then never ultimately received an invite. I was pretty pissed off to say the least. You should be careful what you tell people if you aren’t sure or don’t intend on following through.
Post # 10
I probably wouldn’t do it. I soooo understand the desire to take back the plus one. But if they remember you allowing it and see that they’re not allowed when the invite comes in, there may be some hurt feelings. But it may depend on the situation. If they just got out of a serious relationship and now don’t know who their plus one is, you may be able to get away with it, using the excuse that the plus one was for serious relationships. If they’ve always been single, yet you let them have the plus one, they will most likely be offended.
I didn’t exactly use this rule. We decided that if we had some single people that weren’t friends with anyone else, they could bring a date because who wants to be alone at a wedding? But if they bounce from person to person, well, that person of the month won’t be invited!
Post # 11
Guests are idiots. Just give them their plus one, but tell them that they don’t HAVE to find anyone to go with them, you just gave them that option so they would feel more comfortable.
Post # 12
I think you should leave it off the card, but talk to the these people individually, let them know that circumstances have changed. If you have the ability, I think it is okay to bend the rules for people who won’t have many friends there. I would also bend the rules for the girlfriend who will freak out about going to a wedding alone. We all have that one.
Post # 13
@monitajb – Oh yes, I have that GF! She is actually a Bridesmaid or Best Man and has cried CRIED to me several times about being invited to weddings without a plus one. I always try to hold back explaining to her that weddings are expensive and it’s hard to justify giving single people plus-one’s, especially when you have no idea WHO they will bring!
But I don’t actually have to take back anyone’s plus one. There are actually three guys I have on my list as getting a plus one, but never told them that so I can easily invite them without one. And they are all friends with each other and most of the ‘friends’ invited to the wedding. I don’t even think they’ll notice they didn’t get a plus one.
Just curious to see what everyone’s opionion was on this issue as we always go back and forth on what’s proper etiquette regarding guest invites.
Post # 14
I think if they’ve been told ahead of time that they’ll have a plus one, they’re going to assume their invite includes it, even if you don’t put “and guest”. Sounds like a big headache to me 🙁 so I’d say the simplest thing would be stick with what you originally said and give the plus ones.
Post # 15
I think like daydreamwanderer said, even if you retract it now and just address the invites singularly, you might run into folks you are going to RSVP for 2, because of the Save-The-Date Cards. At this point, I think you might be better off sticking with your original plans and invite them with “plus 1″s. You might be surprised, we did that and hardly any of the single people brought a guest.
Post # 16
Yeah, let ’em have a plus one 🙂