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Those of you who are waiting for your engagements or planning before it's official -- how are you holding up? Are you having a difficult time being patient?
Does your boyfriend know you're anxious to get engaged and if so, is it causing any problems in the relationship?
Just wondering how you're all doing! 
had you asked this question a few weeks ago i'd say i was fine. now...well i've been dealing with the jealousies BIG time. haha.
i've had a few friends announce their engagements, set wedding dates or inch closer to their weddings in the past month so it's been tough for me to not focus on myself [it's a horrible habit, i will admit] but ultimately i am incredibly happy for them and wistful for the boy and i. we're in an ldr and since he's looking for work out here in cali [not the best of places at the moment] things have been put on the back burner for a while. usually i'm fine but i'm just so ready to start that part of our lives together that i'm getting anxious. it doesn't help to know that, had we been the same state, we would probably have been married by now.
but i'm not worried, i'll be over this hump in a week [these moods tend to be an ongoing cycle].
it'll happen when it happens. i just hope i don't catch wind of it before it happens...then i'll drive myself nutty trying to figure out if/when it will happen [i tend to ruin surprises because i'm super nosy]
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I'm patiently waiting. I haven't been waiting that long (we haven't been together a year yet,lol) but sometimes I get antsy. (Just had to say I'm 28 and he's 31, so no one thinks we're young and dense.LOL)
I do good not thinking about it UNTIL he says stuff like "When you see the ring, you are going to say, your man loves you!"(He already bought it.) That's the most recent comment he made. THAT'S when my mind gets going. OR when he says "I know the DATE." meaning when he'll propose. I hate the little hints because I start to think about i
BUT the relationship isn't strained because he can't wait to be engaged either, although when he says he can't wait, I will say, well, it's on you now.LOL.
Hey girl..just really busy this week in GA. Things are very good with us, but I'm doing ZERO formal planning (all the style bits together, 100 percent and it should actually be a breeze) and no $$$ money will be spent until that day arrives.
Just being the practical chickie I am. Holding up quite nicely! Thank you..much love to you and all here on this board!
Well I do have to add..it was a bit difficult (but I am SOOO HAPPY FOR HER..SHE IS AWESOME!) when a friend of mine got engaged this last weekend. She's known him since JANUARY and they both have 3 kids between the two of them. My boss got me a teensy bit upset yesterday when he said to me "Hey Belle..Have you seen this? You need somebody to do something about THAT dontcha?" grrr.
I'm not a jealous type at all. Never and always 100 percent happy for my friends. Just how I am.. But it pisses me off to see other guys doing what they say they're going to do. That's all. And I think my boss was a bit well..harsh. And to think a guy said that to me about my friend getting engaged!!
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Aw, thanks for asking. I had a rough spat earlier this week because I wanted to incorporate an engagement party at my parents lake place into our summer plans and it was messing up our schedule of vacations! We talked it out, and I (thanks to some sage advice from other bees!) decided not to worry aobut it. Something about carts before horses.
The next 12 weeks are incredibly busy with friends coming, weddings to go to, and vacations, so hopefully I'll be able to not focus on it. I know it will happen by the end of the summer, but I do get really anxious about getting a venue for summer 2010 if we're not engaged until September or something... really, really nervous about it. I've expressed this to boyfriend, and he either doesn't realize how far in advance venues book out, or thinks we will be engaged earlier than I do.
So yeah. I'm hanging in there. Thanks for asking =)
Hey CHK -
Our original venue is closing one week before our wedding. With four months to go, we were able to book another venue for 300 guests in Manhattan for July 2009. We lost all of our vendors (except our photographer) but due to the poor economy have been able to book almost all of our major vendors (just the florist and makeup artist to go). So as long as you don't need a Saturday in May or June, I think you might be fine. It all depends upon your level of flexibility.
aww thanks for asking!
I hit a little rough patch yesterday--I'm terrible at surprises, and yesterday I was teasing him about our 3 year anniversary which is in about 2 weeks (right after we go to a friend's wedding, no less), asking what he's getting me. At first he was joking about getting me a lump of coal, etc, but then he gave a really obvious hint so now I know what it is and know it isn't an engagement ring...siiiigh...on one hand, I'm totally happy about us and where we are and how things are going, and I don't think there's any reason to rush--I'm 25, he's almost 27, so we're still really young. But on the other hand, obviously since I'm here it's bothering me! I don't understand what's scaring him about taking the next step. I mean, I think I do--I think it has more to do with him not feeling happy in his job and unsatisfied with where he is in establishing a career, being financially stable, etc, and therefore not feeling grown up, but ugh...We talk about being together for the rest of our lives, are already part of each other's families, have a little furbaby and live together, own a car together and he's suggested buying a home together, etc. We talk about weddings and someday getting married, but he just clams up when anything resembling a timeline comes up, even though I'm always really explicit that I'm not pressuring him. I would be happy to help look for and pay for an engagement ring, and he knows that, but the ball is in his court and I think he's not ready.
whew, that was a long vent.... long story short, i don't think he's ready yet, and i'm trying really hard not to keep thinking about it and hoping!
My FI and I have a date set and most of our family & friends know, but no ring yet! I know I'll be getting an official proposal and I want it soon so I can shop for my wedding gown! I said that's the one thing I WON'T do before the ring! But I'm trying not to ruin the surprise. I feel like a lot of the specialness is gone because we are already planning, so I want this to be special!
i am waiting as well! I'm pretty sure the engagement will happen within this year, but I still get worked up as to WHEN!!!! Its frustrating bc for a while, life was happening to my boy (issues at work, car troubles, family members in a bind needing money, etc) and he was also on the hunt for a better job with a promotion....Well, he FINALLY got offered a GREAT position with awesome pay and he is due to start in July...YAY!!! Finally! (any federal gov employees in the DC area KNOW how crazy the job application process is...3 hour long apps...can I get an AMEN!?!?!??! lol)
so...he has hinted that once he gets his new position, things will really start falling into place for us...so i am just trying to WAIT and BE PATIENT!!!! (he has even hinted that he has done MORE than just look at ring styles for me, so that makes me feel good too!) although i lose patience sometimes because, like a few of the other bees have mentioned, I REALLY want to get married sometime between next April and September (2010) (I heart outdoor Summer weddings!!!!!!) If he waits until our 2Y anniversary, thats october. 25th. which leaves me less than a year of planning, but i guess thats still flexible, as other bees have mentioned as well, due to the state of the economy. BUT for some reason we keep talking about the day and the DATE that we met, so if he is trying to work something around that, its july 27!
i also have this (totally unrational) fear that he is going to wait until new years eve to propose to me, and ill be dragging through the holidays all sad, depressed and pitiful, feeling all sorry for myself because the year is nearing its end, and i was for sure that we would be engaged by then!!!....the old maid...turning the ripe old age of 27 in january with a man that doesnt truly want to wed me. HAHAHA OK, yes bees Im a TOTAL drama queen (in my head!!!) but these thoughts of despair go through my head sometime!!!
Thanks for this post, its nice seeing our little support group of Ladies in Waiting!! hehehee
*sigh*
Well, good and bad. Everything is dependent on Mr.Rain's job search and, as we all know, this enconomy is NOT helping at all. We were planning on a quick engagement and getting married in August or December. We had a talk the other day and he basically said that at this point it's looking likeAugust is out. Unless something just literally falls into his lap we're going to have to aim for December.
I don't mind the extra planning time, but it does throw a few wrenches into things. We might end up having to do the LDR thing if he gets a job that starts before December, since we won't be living together before we get married. I dunno.
I just want to be his wife, or at LEAST have the ring so I feel a little more justified in doing the actual planning.
Yeah, actually today is one of the bad days. I hate this! I hate that he won't propose until he gets a job (note: he does have a job, but he won't propose until he finds another one for post-graduation)! I hate that this screwy economy is making life so difficult! I hate people asking me if he has proposed yet and having to say every time, "No, he's not going to do that until he gets a job lined up." and then havig to defend that to people who think it's silly. I hate that some days I just want to cry because of the frsutation.
So. Thanks for letting me vent a little. I guess I will put a smile back on now and get back to the job (that I hate).
AHH...
Today is 4.5 years for us and I think it's coming tonight--I found the ring box! But it's still driving me crazy that it's been this long... just because all my friends in relationships got engaged six months ago (and guess who's been together longer... and fights less?)
Sorry, I should be happy for them... I mean, I AM, but I'm just a bit jealous too!
And man, is it going to SUCK if it doesn't happen tonight.
@missrain: I totally get that. Mine kept waiting until he "wasn't busy with work." Well, work lasts forever! MAKE IT HAPPEN! It's so frustrating, I know you know too. And I hate my job too :)
I'm doing ok, I have bad days, today just isn't one of them. However, last Saturday is a different story. We were at a graduation party for one of his cousins and he saw a cousin who just got engaged (dating less time than us I think, but not positive) and we were in a small group chatting and he asked when her wedding date would be. When she said sooner rather than later, he said try to avoid next April. She did the squeal and hugged me and congradulated us, which was really nice. They are getting married probably this year. (ARGGGGGGG!!! Green eyed monster presenting itself) That actually didn't bug me as much as his mom who was in our chatting group, said well it's not really official yet, he has to do some shopping, blah blah blah. I just about snapped. FI took my hand and squeezed it, knowing probably what I was thinking. I just find it so annoying that people don't find it official, when we have a date set and our venues booked, the only thing we're lacking is a ring. Yeah Saturday was a tough day. I get through most days without thinking about it, he's got the ring, he's got a plan, I know it's gonna happen, so I just have to sit patiently and wait.
@cinemaparadiso TONIGHT!? Hpw exciting! You must definitely let us know if it happens!
We already started planning, have date set and venue booked, are meeting with vendors, etc. but the ring has been being made for the past few weeks. As he well knows, I hate surprises and I'm impatient, so I basically got him to tell me and I'm getting it in TWO WEEKS!!! These are going to be the longest two weeks of my entire life.
@missrain, that's the same boat we're in. he's trying to make the move to my home state [from one wreck to the other] so the job thing is out hang up too. most times i'm just frustrated because i do want to be his wife. sigh. but i understand!
there are just too many floating pieces at the moment but eventually we'll have to just make that jump. if we keep waiting for things to settle down, we'll always just be waiting.
I was in the same boat about 2 days ago! I had given up hope when Christmas, Valentines Day and my birthday rolled around... we knew when we were getting married, and believe me, we have time... but I wanted it to be official!
Tuesday (6/9/09) was our 4 year anniversary (dating). Went to a restaraunt, where we had our first date) and he proposed! It was the most romantic thing ever.
The ring was too small, so I took it to the jeweler yesterday and it should be done tonight... I can't wait to spread the news, just didn't want to do it without the ring.
It's well worth the wait ladies!!!
Things are going alright...for now. I am like some of the others and my mood goes in cycles. It may be different after tomorrow though. I get irritated because one of his best guy friends is more of a girl than I am and has been telling him all these rules and regulations and has put so much pressure on him about proposing! He says it has to be perfect and all this stuff that I don't agree with! I know it is not going to be perfect, that would not be us, nothing ever goes according to plan. I told him I just would like a nice heartfelt speech and him down on his knee. I know he has the ring and all that, but he likes to make me suffer. I am a very impatient person and he just loves to see me squirm! I have not really said anything about it but he did say this week was going to be special!!!
We have a lot of family events this summer and we both hate the "when are you going to get married" questions. We do have a wedding to go to next week and I hope that if he does ask before then that the bride (my cousin) won't think we are trying to take her thunder. I don't even want to tell anyone besides my mom, dad, grandma, and my best friend. I have a feeling that everything will be fine. But then I am thinking ahead of myself!
I am so happy that you asked about us and I am very greatfull I have a place to share my thoughts and feelings! Thank you!
Doing better as time goes by! BF was just the best man in his bff's wedding (like many of you the couple is younger and together for a shorter period of time.. *sigh*) and there were lots of "so you guys are next, eh?" Taking it all in stride. We're going on 3.5 years and I think I'm actually less anxious than I was a few months ago. Per BF, his "plans" are in place, ring shopping has begun (perhaps already completed??) and with a major move coming up in a few months I have a feeling we may be getting close :) We're both big on the surprise factor so who knows. Glad to hear everyone is hanging in there!!
Meh--I'm getting over it, slightly. There are good days and bad days. On bad days, I am anxious about it and I have to try not to mention it. On good days, it doesn't cross my mind. In fact, I'm trying to move on from it and just live my life the way I would if we weren't talking about marriage. I'm a little nervous that it could get messy but there's not much to do.
I signed up for weddingbee so I could keep myself occupied! 
It's been a couple weeks since my guy and I officially started the process (ring shopping, alerting my parents...) and I'm already super anxious!! So far I've been pretty good about keeping it from my bf but my poor friend (who intro'd me to wedding bee!) has had to bear the brunt of my excitement. Just trying to concentrate on working or daydreaming about wedding planning.
Thanks for asking
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I am glad you're all hanging in there, I know it's hard. I've worked in the wedding industry for 10 years now and was with someone for seven of those ten years. For a while, I thought he was THE one and I REALLY wanted to get engaged/married, and it was such a hard time!!
One thing to remember, proposals are SO guy territory, I'm sure they are under a lot of pressure about how to do it in a creative and meaningful way, AND surprise you, AND there's got to be pressure about the ring b/c of the attention that will be focused upon it, etc....so even those of you who are less concerned about those things, it's probably a BIG deal to them.
Just like napkin treatments on the reception tables, wedding favors, etc. will be to you someday soon!
~~~
Congrats jesnjr!!!!
And cinemaparadiso, GOOD LUCK tonight and if it doesn't happen tonight, it'll happen soon I'm sure! And if it does happen tonight, post about it tomorrow!!!! 
@ missrain @ tea ... me too! Class of 2009 has it the worst, I swear... I am in grad school but he is looking for a better job than the one he had in college... so I know I have to wait for a few more months at least. sigh. but I know that eventually it will all fall into place... he also is set on it being a surprise, so no ring shopping, etc for me. its so hard being patient!
awwwwww im so glad to see that I am not the only one! I love wedding websites and im totally obsessed with them so it hasnt helped to wait patiently haha
I have been dating my boyfriend for soooo long, since high school, we have been together for 8 years now, and I am still waiting!!! So obviously all my married friends have dated shorter than us! We are really young still (me 25, him 24), but the fact that we have been together so long makes people always ask me when I am getting married, and I get kind of annoyed..
I just want it to happen already!! The fact that we are in a ldr right now, and have been for a year, is not helping the situation. He already has a ring, but until that ring is not on my finger im not going to be at peace haha
I do talk about it with him, but i really dont want to bug him and be a nagger, even though sometimes I think I am lol i think it was put some pressure on him, and the fact that i ask him makes him back off, because he hates being told what to do..so i try to shut up, but its kind of hard..
We are still young but I have been ready to marry him for a few years now, I dont know how much longer he is going to take, hopefully he will do it this year, because I dont want to wait anymore!!!!
and stay strong ladies!! I am trying too!!
@jesnjr2009 CONGRATULATIONS! How very exciting!
@mechiebaby a year ago he would have had his pick of jobs with signing bonuses, as a graduate of one of the top engineering schools in the country. But no thanks to this economy he's applying all over the US and Australia and the UK and have only really heard back from one place. And THEY are still in a hiring freeze, but are hoping to come out of it soon. *sigh* tough times. But at least we are going through it together.
hey again everyone!
Just wanted to say it DID happen last night... He lit an entire walkway in our local botanical garden all the way to the waterfall and played me a song he wrote for me on his guitar and did it!
I was getting so impatient... but just so you all know... it's worth it. I've been feeling (even until yesterday!) how all of you feel. it is SO frustrating.
I wish all of you luck and I know that if you all care so much about the futures you each have with your SO, you're going to feel so great about it when it happens.
Hugs to everyone!
@missrain
wow, that is a tough position... i totally hope things work out for you guys, you're in my thoughts definitely!
Waiting is completely agonizing. I think it is more frustrating than being single! I have had 2 meltdowns: Easter weekend and last weekend when I really thought it was going to happen. My man was very sympathetic and sweet during my disappointment. (I was turning into a grumpy bear, and he wanted to know what was wrong.) I had prepared myself that it wasn't going to happen until our 2 year anniversary in July when we'll be on vaca with his fam, but he proposed tonight! I was completely shocked. =)
@cinemaparadiso YAY! Congratulations! How romantic! I'm so glad it was worth the wait :)
@cinemaparadiso: Awwww congrats!!
@missrain: boy and I are both engineers, so I totally understand what your boy (and you!) are going through right now. All of the entry level positions seemed to have turned over to experienced positions since so many people have been laid off. good luck with the job hunting!
Thanks for asking, I think I need to vent! This may get long :)
I have good days and bad days. Days where I don't think about it much at all, and days where my insecurities get the best of me. He talks a lot about our future and has never given me a reason to doubt that he wants to marry me (he even told me a few months ago that we would definitely be engaged within a year), but part of me wonders if it's really coming. He has a sizeable nest egg that he has saved up over the years. He said himself that he could buy a ring anytime - i.e. he doesn't need to save up for one. So there is no time obstacle in terms of that. I'm not totally concerned yet because I told him before that I don't want to get engaged while we're apart (we move back in together at the end of August following the end of my 16-month internship).
But my internship ends in just over 2 months, and I guess what bugs me is that I have yet to get the impression that he is currently planning his proposal. No nervousness, no secrecy, no romantic plans, etc. Nothing out of the ordinary.
The only thing that made me wonder - a couple of weeks ago he actually asked me about rings. He mentioned his cousin's fiancee's engagement ring and said, "She has a ring similar to what you'd like, right?" And then he let me show him some photos of ring styles that I find pretty.
But still, I really don't get the impression that anything is being planned. And I don't want to get my hopes up over a 5 minute online ring browsing session. So irritating!
Oh it's so awful sometimes, seriously! Mr.Dragon wants to be married by this time last year ... tells me he has ideas for how he's proposing ... plans to buy the ring with money from basic training ... and I just want it all to happen.
The whole wedding season/friends getting engaged/love is in the air feeling doesn't help either. And I just can't help looking at wedding porn online ... I've tried ... I just can't help it.
Then I get really anxious. I know we'll be engaged soon enough and when the time is exactly right -but I wish I could start making official plans now ... we're going to have to do things cheaply and the closer to the date the more expensive things will be. So that makes me nervous.
So yes ... waiting stinks. But all will come in good time, I'm sure.
Just a word for all you waiting bees out there, don't forget that he's probably trying as hard as he possibly can to make the proposal a surprise so just because he hinted at your anniversary present or won't give a timeline for a proposal doesn't mean it's not going to happen! It;s so hard to wait but it will totally be worth it when the moment it happens!!
Hi there ladies in waiting. Congratulations to those whose waiting is gonna be over soon, and to those who are in anticipation of the big question and the big stone, I understand! It goes without saying that I'm a lady in waiting. My FH and I would be 1 year in July, we can't wait. We decided 2gether that we wanna get married 3 months down the relationship and every now and then we re-evaluate if we still feel the same. According to our African culture there's still gonna be marriage-custom negotiations and those proceeding take about a year, and cost twice the amount of the e-ring. That process still has to begin, I can't wait. I don't feel like I'm completely engaged. If we were financially OK we would be half way through all the proceedings by now, but I thank God for the delay because it is giving us opportunity to wait which I think its necessary.
it's hard though, but good luck all the waiting bees!
We are in a LDR and he has bought the ring, we are just waiting for it to come in and for the timing to be right. Wednesday I am going out there for a job interview so hopefully I can get it so we dont have to deal with the distance. I have a feeling he is going to plan the proposal around my birthday which should be when the ring comes in (July 16). He keeps driving me nuts by saying oh I wonder when it will come in. Maybe it will be here this week while your here. I can't wait!
Like a few of you, I'm also in an LDR due to work committments. We get to see eachother most weekends which is ace, but he won't propose until we can live together properly which is October 2010 - aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaages away in my mind!
I've already decided to start planning as I want to be married by 2011, I'm quite traditional and want babies after getting married, but I don't want to be an older mum, If we leave it any later I'll end up being nearly 30 before having my first!
I'm currently in a bad phase right now. I know why he hasn't proposed yet, but it doesn't make it any less frustrating, everyone else is getting engaged and married. A friend of ours got engaged last august on holiday having only been with his lady for 5 months. We've been together for 3 years, and every significant date or event is torture, because I know I'll get asked if he did it yet or not.
Something really hacked me off a couple of months ago, a well meaning neighbour said as a joke that her friend's daughter (who I used to play in the street with) had 'beaten me' as she had got engaged...I wasn't aware it was a race, but it still made me jealous.
I feel like I'm really pressuring my guy at times and I don't want to, but at the same time I want it all planned and sorted - he can't think past his next meal.
The Mr. and I finally had our engagement party this past weekend at my parent's home! After 10 long years of dating, it became offical! So the planning begins for our wedding on June 5, 2010. We had about 100 people at our engagement party just mainly family (since I have a large family cousins, aunts, uncles, etc.) and close friends. It was great though! But I think now comes the rough part of planning the wedding! My FI really doesn't care for it too much, he's goes with the flow!
But to all you future MRS. out there, I hope everything goes well and and best wishes!
Gingerlex- my cousin in law made a joke like that also. He said my aunt (50) is going to be me if I don't start working on it. This was before I was WITH my SO. I just said Beat me in what? Is there a race going on I'm not aware of??LOL
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