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You have to be strong, because your parents are going to ask you to add all these people! FI's Mom "suggested" about 30. My Dad added 10.
We're in the same boat... Our "cap" is more financial, but we are getting the same questions. I hate those awkward moments - when people flat out ask or just assume they are invited. chillmer is right - you just have to be strong. It sucks and some people will get their feelings hurt, but there's really not much you can do about it.
Yesterday at the Easter celebration (FI's family) his niece walks over - boyfriend in tow - to me and says "yeah... hey... so I've been meaning to ask, can we add Whatshisface to the list?" They've been dating all of 2 weeks and he was standing right there! I brushed her off and let FI handle it later. We tend to defer to each other - he handles it with his peeps and i handle it with mine.
you have to be firm and do what's right for you guys. We haven't had anyone come right out and ask if they are invited but I'm sure we would try to be PC if someone did ask :) I HATE it when people assume and invite themselves.
It's tempting to answer a rude question with a snarky answer but I've been good so far. We've been using the excuse "We're just trying to keep it small" - even though our list is already at like 260 people!!! It's an easy excuse and it usually gets the job done to answer the question then change the subject.
Its so hard to handle that! I always feel terrible when people ask. But I've used the same statement as Dancy, that we're keeping it really small. They don't have to know just how small.
My mom's "friend" list is over 40 people long.. but she is contruibuing quite a bit of money, so I can't really fault her for wanting to have her friends there. We are trying to go with the flow of the guest list. If we go a couple hundred over in food, we are okay. I just left room in the budget for a few more people than I anticipated coming - just to be sure.
Ooooh, I HATE guest list awkwardness. It's totally the worst part of wedding planning. I've even cried over our guest list a couple times. But I know that deep down, I want our wedding to feel small and intimate, so as hard as it is, that's what I tell people. "Sorry, as much as we'd love to include everyone, we decided to have a small wedding!" Good luck!
I hate it too! I have actually had people ignore me at functions because they know they arent invited! I swear if we had the money we would invite everyone and their mother but we are having 80 people close friends and family, I would never treat someone like that if they didnt invite me to their wedding, its crazy what we have to go through
FI and I had most of our wedding-related fights over the guest list. We had agreed on 175, but with his mother's additions, it crept up to 215. The final tally ended up being 65% his guests, 35% mine, which I thought was totally unfair to me. I didn't want to add anyone to my side to even it up, though.
So far, the only person who actually ASKED if he was invited was my ex-boyfriend! I wouldn't care if he came, but it might be awkward for him. I wasn't invited to his wedding, but there was no way in hell I would have gone because I wasn't over it yet.
The problem is that its the ACTUAL people that aren't invited to the wedding that are asking us personally. If it were our parents I wouldn't have a problem, but the actual non-guests are putting us in a really uncomfortable spot. Ugh!
You know what's funny to me is that people typically complain about having to go to weddings, spend the money blah blah blah for people they don't know so well, but then when their not invited to the wedding its so faux pa, you know?
Wow. Now that you mention it, perhaps there will be some guestlist drama. I know about 35 folks (including plus ones) that we will invite. My parents passed a long time ago, but his mom may want to invite some of her local friends. It sounds like they might be helping with the reception food, so...the more the merrier! The chapel holds only 60 tho.
A guy who I dated for 3 months when I was 18 (I'm 49 now) invited himself to my wedding, which hasn't been set yet! At least it was via Facebook, so I could just ignore it. I will have to be careful not to give too much away on Facebook until afterwards, since it's a CLOSE friends and family only thing!
Like PPs have stated, we go with the whole "We're keeping it a small wedding." We're paying for the whole thing ourselves, so if they push, we bring that up. If they get really rude & hint like, "What, aren't we close?" or "Well, we invited you to our wedding?", I usually lay on the guilt/get a bit snarky (b/c they asked for it at that point), like: "I DO consider you a friend, but since your marriage, we've drifted apart, what with new relationships..." or "Thank you so much for including us, but when you got married, the economy was so different/there weren't the state budget cuts (I'm a teacher)/ it's tough when you're doing it on your own, y'know (oh, well maybe YOU don't *said to rude guest)?"
Most people take the hint at the first "we're keeping it small" clue...and it never comes up again. For the people who ARE invited, we've let them know who in that group are invited so they don't accidentally bring up the wedding in front of mutual acquaintances who aren't invited.
My RSVP's started coming, and I got my first "write-in" guest yesterday. UGH. My FI's aunt and uncle, who have like 7 kids wrote "and also Amy" at the bottom. Amy is their 20-year old son's girlfriend of about a year. That makes 10 people for one family! I'm letting FI deal with it. We only gave +1s to single guests coming from out of state, and people who live with/are engaged to their significant other.
Does a college kid who lives at home REALLY need to bring a date? It's not like there aren't going to be a million of his cousins to talk to. I just think it's rude, too.
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So we're about 6 months away from the wedding, still pretty well out there, but we pretty much have our guest list nailed down for sure.
Our venue holds 200 people TOPS. We've been seeing a lot of people lately that while we are friends/aquantiances with they just didn't make the "cut" for the guest list. We try not to bring up the wedding in the pressence but sometimes its as if the wedding is the big elephant in the room and somehow it ALWAYS comes up.
What do I say when those people who come right out and say "am I invited" and they aren't. We've been successful at dodging the question in the past, but lately, its been a little tough.
Of course we'd love to have everyone there, but our venue won't work with all those people. We've already let it be known its an adult only reception and we have finally put out the fires with that one, but it just seems that this one is one we can't just keep out.