(Closed) how are your parents contributing? Pay you back? Pay vendor directly?

posted 7 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

My mother wrote me checks when I told her how much I needed.  My mother did similar style things and held up with most of her end of the deal. She did however short me a little and I ended up having to scramble around a little at the end. I would tell her your concerns that you are booking what you can afford to pay for. That you will not be booking anything based on money that you currently don’t have. I would just be honest because it’s going to make you more stressed if you aren’t clear and are hanging in limbo.

Post # 4
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

My parents are paying for our reception which is roughly half of our entire budget (or $5,000). They are giving it to us a month or two before the wedding which means that FI and I are responsible for covering all deposits up until that point (about $3,000 for our venue which is split between 2 payments roughly 9 months apart).

At first I was a little bummed about it just because our friends parents gave us the money upfront but honestly, I think this will work out perfectly for us. If my parents would have given us the money upfront, we would have spent it on deposits and the smaller wedding related things. Instead, we’re able to pay for the smaller things and deposits during our engagement (16 months) and then put my parents money towards paying off the vendors at our wedding. If we would have had to worry about paying all these vendors at our wedding, I think we would have been extra stressed out. Instead, we know we’re getting this chunk of change a few months before our wedding so we won’t really have to worry about all that much.

As for holding up their end of the bargain, they’re my parents and they would never not give us the money they’ve promised us. They already have the money anyway, they’re just choosing to wait and give it to us closer to the wedding. Apparently this is what my grandparents did for my mom so this is what they are doing for us. It will work out perfectly. 

Post # 5
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

don’t book anything that you yourself could not afford when your mom is acting like that! you need to have a talk with her now and find out exactly when “later” is.

Post # 6
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

My parents did a little of each. If it was a big payment, they paid the vendor directly b/c we didn’t have the money. If it was something little that I picked up at the store, like centerpiece vases and DIY project supplies, we paid for it and kept track of what we bought.

My parents gave us a set amount of money and said spend what we want and put the rest in savings if we want (which we did). So I knew at the end they would give us that amount minus what they spent on vendors as our wedding gift. They’re my parents, I knew they wouldn’t just take it back.

Post # 7
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

About a week after my FI and I got engaged, my parents took us out to a nice dinner to celebrate. While we were there, they announced that they were going to contribute 15,000 towards the wedding (or whatever we wanted to use it for- ie- a house payment, or a great honeymoon). I was shocked! Especially when they proceeded to hand over a check- written out to me- for $5,000. They next $5,000 came 6 months before the wedding and then I get the last $5,000 a month before the wedding. This makes it easier for them, since they don’t have to come up with $15,000 all at once. Plus it works great since I had money for the deposits, the payments that were due 6 months before the wedding and then I’ll have more when it comes time for all the big payments the day of!

Post # 8
Member
569 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

My dad is paying our vendor directly, and FI’s parents are giving us a check this week, which is over a year before the wedding. Honestly, I wouldn’t be very comfortable with the situation you have with your mom. I think you should tell her your concerns directly. Maybe if she doesn’t want to give you the money now, she wouldn’t mind paying your vendors directly when the deposits are due.

Post # 9
Member
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

My Fi’s parents are giving us 5,000 to use for the wedding so as we book our vendors they are writing the checks to the vendors and my parents are paying the rest which is around 10,000-15,000

Post # 10
Member
7296 posts
Busy Beekeeper

my mom has just paid for a few random things like my ring pillow, cake topper, necklace and put $150 towards my dress. the rest FI and I are on our own.  basically when i go shopping WITH my mom, she pays! so i like going shopping with her, lol.

Post # 11
Member
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

You bees are VERY lucky =)

Post # 12
Member
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I am booking and paying all the vendors.  My parents and FI’s parents are going to give us a lump sum later on.

Post # 13
Member
426 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

My parents let me know that they would pay for anything that we wanted that we couldn’t afford.  My FI and I are attempting to pay for our entire wedding, but if there is something that I desperately want (i.e. right now it’s looking like a photobooth, maybe), Mom would tell me to write out one of her checks to myself 🙂  My parents would probably pay for the whole shindig, but I would feel like I were taking advantage of them since we should be able to manage this on our own financially.

Post # 14
Member
381 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

My parents would never give me a concrete budget but are paying all the vendors directly. My dad basically said, “tell me how much it is and I will tell you yes or no.” I’m very grateful for their generous support but it would have helped to know a total budget. Oh well I’m not complaining. I’m paying for little things here and there for favors and whatnot and i bought my dress, accessories, etc. My parents are great though (and not rich by any means)

Post # 15
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

My parents opened a bank account with the amount they are contributing in it and then having a debit card sent to me, so I can just use that until the money is gone. I wish my parents could be involved more (like visiting/paying vendors directly) but they live so far away it’s not really possible.

Post # 16
Member
9057 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

Each set of our parents just wrote us a cheque for $5000 soon after we got engaged to spend on our wedding or if we didn’t spend it all on the wedding, we could put it toward anything we wanted.  Anything above that was on us.

Oh, except for my dress/alterations.  That me and my mom shopped for together and she paid the store directly.

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