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Any mommies with kids 2+ wanna chime in? I keep hearing all these horror stories about the "terrible two's," and since Addie will be hitting that age just after I quit work to stay home with her full time, well, I'm starting to feel a little bit nervous.
But it's not really that bad, right? Does anyone have any resources (books, articles, parenting methods, etc...) to help get through 18-36 months?
I'm not a mom, but I have worked in a daycare for 2 years in the 2's classroom and I've also nannied my nieces during that age. Honestly, to me, the 3s are worse than the 2s! lol. 2 year olds can be stubborn at times and they do have some tantrums, but it seems to me that 3s are MUCH more independent with what they want to do and how they want to do it. And for me, that is much more frustrating.
2s are just so darn cute! They start saying the cutest things and they are learning ALL the time. I love that age. :)
Honestly, I don't have any resources, but it was SUPER easy for me.
I hear that boys are harder then girls though.
Is there anything in particular that you are worried about?
For us he was out of his stinking mind. I swear as soon as we cut the cake on his 2nd birthday until the day we cut the cake on his 3rd birthday he was a totally different child. As an example: 2 weeks after his second birthday DH and I were sitting on the couch. He walks in and starts throwing himself against the wall and slamming the floor lamp against the wall while screaming at the top of his lungs. DH and I just stared with our mouths wide open and decided it was just best to ignore the freak out.It was like he was posessed.
This continued for an entire year. Tons of "No's" and timeouts. Now he's back to being a sweet fantastic little man at 3 and half. Thank goodness.
@mwitter80: Wow, that's scary.
The main things I'm worried about are just trying to juggle a 2 year old throwing tantrums all day and full-time grad school along with regular day-to-day household stuff. Addie's such a sweet heart, and such a good, easygoing baby, but I keep getting all these warnings that I should enjoy my time with her now because I'll be hating life in 6 months. And my nephew was a complete monster at that age. Well, he's still a monster sometimes, but he's gotten a lot better.
Do you think your child's temperment as a baby had anything to do with how they reacted to that stage? Like if they were an easygoing baby they handled it well? Or if they were a difficult baby they had a tougher time? Or it doesn't matter?
I don't think that it is that bad. I think just setting routines and sticking with consequences helps a lot. I have learned to walk out of the room or start doing something else when a tantrum starts. As long as she is on carpeting and won't hit her head, she is fine. These only happen a couple times a month. She just wants freedom, to do things on her own, and make choices.
Also, in my experience (she is almost 3) giving easy decisions helps a lot. Like if she doesn't want to get dressed, I will let her pick between two outfits. This way she feels like she got the final say.
My nephew is 2 1/2 almost. He was a very easy baby for my brother and sister in law to take care of, and he has a bit of a temper now, but for the most part he is okay. There are def. days where he wants to be independent and he can't do certain things by himself, and it makes him mad, but that's normal. Kids are learning that they are individuals, and they want to do everything you are doing. My brother is a laid back kind of guy, and when he was little he was always good in public, and then he would have his little freak outs only at home, and my sister in law was pretty much the same. I was also like this, because well our mom tought us early on that it was not okay to have tantrums in the middle of the store, or in a resturant. If we did we would go home, and get put int time out or she would embarrass us by getting on the floor with us and kicking and screaming, and be like "See how ridicolous you are being?" Haha it was kinda funny. We also had a chart with stars on it, if we behaved for the day we got a star for that day, and at the end of the 2 weeks if you had so many stars you got a treat. It was pretty cool. My brother is going to start doing this chart with my newphew soon, and I think it's a good idea. But I think it depends on the kid. Some get more frustrated than others, and I don't know if them being an easy baby will affect the way they act as they get older, because I have some friends with kids and they were easy babies but now they are starting to act up little, so like I said, it depends I think. For the most part my nephew is pretty good, and so stinkin cute! He looks just like my brother, haha. He is our ring bearer for our wedding. But enjoy your daughter now like people are telling you, but not because she might act out when she is older, just because she will never be this age again. :)
My daughter is already getting there at 20 months. Currently, her initial reaction to being told no or being scolded or not getting what she wants is to go find something, whatever is closest, and throw it. Just pick it up and throw it to get some aggression out. That, and she's very much starting to like to hit us when she's mad, which is a definite no-no. She's just getting more willful. Oh, and the constant stream of "NO NO!"s is really a pleasure as well.
I'd say I hope she outgrows it but I know by the time that happens she'll be a teenager and OH what a joy that will be!
@smb4268: Totally agree with giving choices. This helped us out a lot. He just wanted to be in control. We did things like buying 2 winter coats, he wasn't a fan of coats, but giving him the choice between red and blue seemed to stop the tantrums. Allowing him to pick his cup, or his own meal at restaurants, or shoes, made the days much easier.
@Mrs. Spring: I'm not sure if it matters since he's the only one and I have nothing to compare it too, but he was a super easy going baby. Went to bed with no problems, not cranky, no cholic or anything like that either. He's the same way now. He doesn't fight about bed time, will try any food you put in front of him, and has very good manors.
He is my bonus son and I am a super lucky to have him and DH in my life. Even during the 2 year old tantrums. LOL
I also agree with rountines, and consequences for bad behavior and good behavior. Like I said my mom did the chart with us, and we got put into time out if we misbehaved, or got sent to our rooms. Don't stray too much from her normal rountine. If you give her a bath everynight before bed, I would continue to do that, and if you read to her or anything like that keeo doing that. My brother and sister in law make sure my newphew is pretty much in bed at the same time every night. only on special occasions does he get to be up later, like Christmas, and birthdays and stuff. They also take him outside a lot when it's warmer out so he can get his energy out, which is good for him. It makes him less energtic towards the end of the day and less likely to put up a fight when it comes to certain things.
@ohheavenlyday: Your daughter is 18 months? When did she start?
@mwitter80: Addie's the same way. :) She never refuses a food unless she's full; the only time she's cranky is when she's really tired; we never have to fight her to go to sleep or take a bath or get in her car seat or anything. She's just a super easygoing baby.
@SoonToBeMrs.Kiss: I totally agree with the routine and schedule. She's on a very strict schedule and we have routines for nap time, bed time, meal times, and bath time. I think creating routines made life a lot easier from a very early age!
I second routine! Helps alot.
Also choosing your battle as a mom. I let my daughter make little choices and that really helped her feel like she was in control. Like which bowl she ate out of or which pair of pants to wear. Also sticking with what you say. The second you just give up and go "FINE do whatever you want" they know that the tantrum works.
She recently turned 20 months but it started around 18 months and has gotten a little bit worse as we've gone on. I have used two strategies to cope:
1. A LOT of patience
2. I've recently begun buying wine and keeping it in the house again for a nightly glass, which I have not done since I found out I was pregnant.
@ohheavenlyday: Bwahahahahah, ok patience, check. Wine, check. Anything else for my shopping list?
Bitching about her to her father. I use a lot of "YOUR DAUGHTER"s when informing him of her day now.
In all seriousness, I've just had to get clever with her. She insisted on getting in the trash can under one of our cabinets. We put a lock on the cabinet. She figured out how to open the cabinet with the lock. We moved the trash can to the laundry room which she cannot get into yet. I prefer the trash can where it was, but I can't handle the conflict all day long with her getting into it/me getting mad. She moved on to the kitchen cabinet with all the cleaning supplies in it after I moved the trash, so I moved those to a cabinet above the stove. Mostly, I spend my time thwarting a baby. It's just been easier to remove the source of conflict than engage in it all day with her. LOL. If she does have a meltdown about something, I put her in baby time out where she sits in her crib alone until she can behave like a human.
Think it depends on the kids and the parents'approach. As pps have mentioned, consequences, consequences, consequences. The kids in our family don't usually have terrible two's they have "I tried that once and learned that I will never try it again." My niece on the other hand was a complete monster. Full out tantrums, anger, door slamming, you name it. And one day, just like that, it was done. I think it's important not to make excuses for the child because of the "terrible twos."
@ohheavenlyday: Ok, I'll add baby proofing to the list. Out of curiosity, and because I'm nosey, are you considering another one yet?
@SoontobeMrsA: What are 3's? The tragic three's? The terrifying three's? :)
My son just hit 2 last month. So I'm new to the toddler stage. However, I don't see much of a change--he is more independent, he likes playing without me actually. He gets upset but I just comfort him, ignore the bad behavior and distract him when it get's worse. It seems to work well.
Im not a mom but Ive been a nanny and worked in a day care. I have had way worse experiences with 3 year olds than 2 year olds. To me 3 year olds are worse because not only do they throw the tantrums, but they very much like to test the adult and see what they can get away with.
@PitBulLover: Well thanks for the encouragement, lol. I'll keep that in mind.
LOL I am considering another one NEVER! Two months after she was born FH got a vasectomy because we both agreed we did not want more children. Every time a friend gets pregnant or has a baby, I wait to see if I feel a twinge of jealousy or regret. I never do. I would love to have several adult children to see how different they all turned out, but I could never ever ever raise several children to adulthood. I view infanthood the way people who went through bad divorces probably view marriage: glad others are looking forward to it, but nothing I want to do again!
Oh man, I've seen some bad terrible twos. Some of it I think is luck of the draw but some of it I think is just amplification of any parenting issues that have already been going on. My one friend will fight with her two year old so it's almost like both of them are throwing a tantrum, it's terrible to watch. It must be hard to deal with a two year old tantrum, but I think most people somewhat expect a toddler to have some behavior issues, it's when the poor frazzled parent starts countering with a tantrum that I start dreading the terrible twos.
Another thing that I did while I was working at the daycare was to put them in "reflection." We couldn't call it time out. :P
We had this giant stuffed monkey that if the kid started freaking out, we just told them that they needed to calm their body and when they are ready, they can come talk to us. Eventually they would kick and scream it all out of their system and we would go back and ask "Are you ready to talk to me now?" and we would explain what they did wrong/why they were there and what to do next time instead. Give them hugs/kisses and go back to playing.
Choices are huge! Like many PPs have said, it helps a TON. We would give them choices for warnings too. Ex. "You can either take turns with so-and-so with this toy, or I can take it away and no one will be able to play with it"
for me its a day to day thing. somedays shess the cutest sweetest thing and id snuggle with her all day long otherdays im trying to get her to bed asap cus shes driving me up a wall lol. i try to keep her busy with coloring and little field trips (we're going to look at firetrucks tomorrow) i always know the day she comes back from her fathers shes sweet, the next day shes crazy lol.
I had a angel until about 2 1/2 then she turned into a monster... Now she is my little angel again but if it wasnt for Being VERY consistant and LOTS of timeouts she might still be a monster...
But now I have a 1 1/2 little girl and I swear she is already in the terrible 2's There mostly jut testing boundrys. Seeing what they can get away with and throwing alot of fits but you just need to not give in and it will pass!!!!
Okay, I didn't read everyone elses responses because I don't want to re-live my stepson's three's again... Two's were nothing. A few tantrums maybe. Learning about consequences a bit. Three. Oh good lord. The discovery of free will and "I don't have to just because you told me to" is effing horrible. Seriously, I would count down to when my stepson was leaving on Sunday. The moment the door closed behind him and DH I would sit and cry on the couch until DH walked back in the door 3 hours later. I don't know how in the world I made it through it, or how our relationship survived it. AND we had it far easier than my stepson's mother did. I don't know how in god's name she did it.
Now that you're scared sh!tless, let me tell you why I think we had it a bit easier than SS's mom. First of all, consistency. Lay down your ground rules, do not waiver from them. Don't fall for big sad eyes, throwing, punching, screaming, nothing. If SS threw a toy in a fit of anger, that toy went away. But it sat up where he could see it but not reach it. It pissed him off to no end but it worked. Be consistent in your cause and effect. If you put him on time out, go back and check on him. If he doesn't want to talk, walk away. We generally didn't follow the 1minute/year rule, we'd just wait until he was calm enough for us to talk to.
Also, don't give crap consequences. If you take something away, take it away. Don't give it back half an hour later. We gave SS warnings. If he didn't listen, we'd tell him "You do that again _____ is going away for the rest of the weekend" or "If you do that again, we won't go to the park this afternoon". There has to be actual piss them off consequences otherwise they honestly don't care. They'll get over it in 10 minutes.
Lastly, be on the same team as your DH. Make sure any babysitters, grandparents, aunts, uncles, whatever, know the rules. If one of you is about to lose your mind, walk away and let the other take over. I found with SS it was a bit of mental warfare. If he figured out a way to really get under my skin, he'd keep doing it. Know when to walk away and make sure DH is there to continue whatever road you were going down with your child. SS got the biggest shock last weekend (he's 5 now) when he got into trouble and I told him that me, mommy, daddy, and his teacher all talked, had the same rules, and those same rules applied in both houses and at school. He smartened up quickly.
Seriously, it comes down to mindgames and it's totally freaky. It's scary how smart they are. Do your best to outwit them and you'll be fine. He was crazy from about 3-4.5, since then he's morphed back into a pretty normal regular child with the odd flare up. Just be patient, and keep a bottle of wine in the fridge at all times ;)
I don't have kids, but I am godmother to my friend's child and I've been around him nearly every day since he came home from the hospital. He was an okay baby, until he hit 2. The last time he was at my house, he wanted cookies but hadn't eaten dinner, so I said no, and he proceeded to throw anything he could find, rolled around in the floor screaming, started hitting me and trying to bite me and time out? That wasn't happening. Now that he's closer to 3, he's gotten worse :/ I honestly think he's going to be a monster for a while.
I guess it depends on the kid and the parenting style. My godson grew up without a lot of discipline from his mother, just from his father, now that his dad is working all day, he knows he can get away with anything with his mom, so telling him no now only makes him laugh. If you say he's going to get a spanking or time out, he commences the tantrum, and they can last a REALLY long time. Ignoring him only makes it worse.
My neice never really had the terrible two's or three's. She threw some tanturms, but they didn't last long and they didn't happen very much.
@SouthernGirl: Totally agree. It's all about parenting styles. Kids like boundaries and rules. Give them structure and they'll be fine. My sister and I have very different parenting styles and let's just say we have very different kids. My stepson would never throw food, forget his manners, or cause a scene in public, my nephews on the other hand.....
im very firm and steadfast with her she dosent get away with anything with me but when she goes to her fathers thats another story. thats when she comes back a little terror. she does whatever she wants there and i know it. every now and then mommy does need a time out too so i tell her im gonna go take a minute (timeout) and lock myself in the room and the climb out my window and sit by the front door lol. sounds silly but at least she is banging on my bedroom door and not the front door and i can hear her. my neighbors think im crazy but it gives a me a minute to calm down while still supervising and being practically within arms reach since i just have to open the front door.
I find that 2.5 to 3.5 are the worst. My son just turned 3 and he is so challenging. My babysitter says that they "come around again" when they get closer to four.
my niece is 2 1/2 and she has been pretty good so far with the terrible twos. my brother is always on her as soon as she starts acting up so she knows better. hes really consistent on teaching her thats not right (nipping it in the but and reinforcing the same punishment when she does it) so she but still occasionally she does have her temper tamtrums.- just comes with the age.
the funniest one (not at the time though) tht ive seen was she was in teh car and i was opening bubbles for her to play with and i couldnt get htem open fast enough and she freaked. out. I mean FREAKED OUT! cried, screamed and threw herself out of her car seat and onto the flooor (we were parked in a parking lot,not driving! Lol). and she just flipped out, lost her sh*t. needless to say, this story will now be repeated when she gets older and seh will get teased for it by me 
its totally ging in her baby book- ahaha black mail! losing it over bubbles. yup.
I'm not a mom, but my best friend's son hit it WAY before turning 2 (he'll be 2 this June). I guess it really just depends on the child.
Most baby advice has been non-applicable to our little one. She's pretty easy going (except for at night). I'm hoping that her mellow temperament carries over into the second year.
Some people say to me that the terrible twos don't really get started until nearly 3 years old, and I have another friend who says her baby has started hers several months sooner. So I guess what I'm saying is that there is probably no way to predict...
So hope for the best and expect the worst, I guess?!
I nannied a little boy from age 2 to 3.5, and I saw it all. The screaming, hitting, kicking, throwing, and the all time favourite word: NO!
I think its important to remember that the kids don't mean to be terrible, they just don't know how to process everything that is going on in their little worlds. You might think they are having a tantrum because you said no to a cookie, when really before that they were frustrated because they couldn't reach the lightswitch, or the dog ran away, and they are tired, but don't know how to explain that to you. So all that emotion comes out as a tantrum. If ignoring a tantrum didn't stop it in 2-3 minutes, L would get so worked up that he couldn't calm himself. So I'd pull him into my lap and swaddle him in my arms and rock him. He'd either fall asleep, or calm down enough for me to explain again why he wasn't getting a cookie. No matter what, don't give in to the initial demand!
2-3 is tricky, but also wonderful! They are learning so quick, and say things like "Roux, I like singing with you" and "I love your cuddles Roux".
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