- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
This wouldn't bother me, or any (many?) of my guests. My maids of honor were my sister and my husband's sister and they each hosted a shower for us. I don't think it's a big deal. Tell your mom to plan away! :)
I am MOH in my best friend's wedding in September. I live OOT from her and where her wedding is taking place. The bride's Mom offered up her house as the location for the shower. Myself and the other BM's are planning it together, but using the MOB's house.
I think almost anything goes these days. All though some people still stick to Traditional etiquette, I think that it really doesn't matter who hosts a shower as long as the brides happy with it and the person planning it doesn't mind. :)
Personally it doesn't bother me.
I you're mom, FMIL, and FSIL seem ok with it, then I'd imagine their friends/family will be ok with it too.
My FSILs are hosting one on FI's side, and my aunt's are hosting one on the other side.
I think it's becoming more accepted now-a-days than it was because bridesmaids either can't afford to host it by themselves, or they aren't hosting one for people (the bride's family, etc) that they may not know.
Davids_Bridal_Tangerine_Cotton_Sateen_.jpg (10 KB, 81 downloads) 1 year old 
My mom is planning my shower behind the scenes. She's doing a lot of legwork and spending the dough, but my MOH is "hosting" it. I don't think anyone is thinking of it as being gift-grabby. I mean, someone has to throw you a shower, right?
Not sure where you MOH got her info, but she's WAAAAY off base. Definitely her job to host it and get it going! If not by herself, then with the bride's family and the BMs! My FMIL did throw me a separate shower for her side of the family though. This next one is just friends
My mom and sister planned and hosted my hometown shower. Nobody said anything about it, and from what I heard, nobody declined because of the etiquette faux pas either. If your MOH is not up for doing a shower, and even if she WAS into planning and hosting a shower, I see no reason why your mom and FMIL can't do it instead. It's a pretty outdated rule, imo.
I honestly do not think it matters either. That is what usually happens in my family. My Mom is hosting mine as she did with my sister's wedding. It really is no biggie. Times have changed and so should the rules =).
I don't think it matters. I've been to lots of showers - even very nice ones - and I believe the moms were involved in planning all of them. My mom helped with mine. I guess it used to be considered ruse in the oast, but no so many people live so far away that in many cases if the moms don't host, nobody else would. It wouldn't offend me in the least.
I dont think it matters anymore. I was MOH in my sisters wedding but my mom, aunts, and grandmother gave the bridesmaids money towards the shower so it was sort of hosted by everyone and was very lovely.
Are you a Stevie Nicks fan? I ask, of course, because your username is Rhiannon. =)
SV101669.JPG (853.8 KB, 26 downloads) 1 year old 
How bad is it? In what sense? Like, how bad is it from a tradionally "she does this" she does that" standpoint?
My mom has already started planning a bridal shower, that she wants to throw. I think her ideas are so wonderful and I love her taste.
That being said, my little sister is my MOH, and I've chosen to have no bridesmaids.
I think that now more brides are not sticking abiding my traditional codes of which person does this and that. It is ok to break away from the standards.
If your mom wishes to throw you a shower, I think it will be fantastic. She probably is dreaming about it! If she is like my mother, she would do exactly what she wants and smile at anyone who would say the mother of the bride should not host the shower.
Really, who would say that anyway? Only a miserable fool would talk down about a bridal shower!
I don't think it matters these days. I guess traditionally, it didn't want to seem that the MOB was asking for gifts for her daughter, but with everyone being so busy these days, I would just go with whatever works best for you/your bridal party/mom/FMIL etc. I "hosted" my sister's shower, but my mom helped me out a LOT behind the scenes. I don't think anyone will judge or take offense. Good luck! 
I just got off the phone with my Mom about the same thing! I'm having a 'family' shower in August thrown by my aunt and MOH and my Mom wants to throw me a 'friend' shower in my hometown this summer but we both weren't sure if that was ok (since, traditionally, the MOB doesn't do this). So I really appreciate this post and the feedabck you girls have given - I will definitely pass it on to my Mom!
My Mom planned and threw my shower. The only bridesmaid that I even had in attendence was my future sister in law. My bridesmaids are all over the country and I probably wouldn't have had a shower if my Mom didn't throw one. Not that it would have mattered but she didn't want me to feel like I missed out. It was a wonderful event more focused on seeing everyone rather then presents.
I say, do what works for you girl!
<p style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana">Now maybe its just me, but I never ever knew there were so many etiquette rules when planning a wedding! While I applaud the Emily Posts of the world I think, or maybe just hope, that most people are like myself and wouldn’t even know its not proper etiquette. I say enjoy your shower, after all rules were made to be broken.
I don't think that people are offended by this anymore. Times have changed, and it seems much worse to put your bridesmaids in a position in which they have to shoulder the burden of a bridal shower, especially when there are different levels of financial stability in the group (a struggling student might feel embarrassed to have to tell the other bridesmaids that she can't afford to pay her share). I think it is better when the family has a shower within its means than puts bridesmaids in that awkward position.
I don't think it's that big a deal at all, unless Emily Post is on your shower invitee list.
What I do think is a big deal is that your MOH got angry at another friend for suggesting she host a shower, ouch!
I had no idea that this was an etiquette rule. I don't think it's a big deal at all! My FI's sister (also a BM) is hosting mine.
There are a lot of crazy old-school etiquette rules out there ... like that the future bride's parents are supposed to have the future groom's parents over (or is it the other way around?) as soon as you announce your engagement. Both of our parents are divorced, and they live in separate states! Oh, and I WISH that FI's family was paying for our rehearsal dinner.
What I'm saying is ... there aren't too many people who get worked up about those kinds of rules anymore. While good manners will always be in style (such as sending thank-you notes promptly), some of these "rules" are clearly from another era. So enjoy your shower! And let your mom enjoy planning it
Thanks for all the feedback ladies! It's good to hear that most people wouldn't think twice about it!
@flamingred -- Yup, that's where I got the name! I even have a copy of the book she read and got the name from (it's a pulpy mystery from the 70s with Welsh characters)!
I just wanted to add in here that my mom hosted a baby shower for my sister along with me and our other sister, and my aunt (my mom's sister) reamed me out for not having it just be my sister and me, and that having my mom included was a horrible, awful faux-pas that I'd never live down. I told my aunt to just not come if it was going to disturb her. It really upset me. So, there might be some older guests who think this is a bad plan. Just giving you a heads up. If you have mouthy relatives, you'll hear about it. :-(
I had no idea this was considered bad etiquette. My mother and mother-in-law offered to host parties right away (they live in different towns). My bridesmaids are my sisters and my future sister-in-law so they're helping with the planning.
Both moms are having so much fun with the showers and I feel like it's less of a burden for my bridesmaids. They're doing enough without throwing me a shower!
I had no clue it was bad form to have a mom host it! I say, if someone wants to host you a party, let 'em!
wow, I didn't know if was etiquette faux-pas for the mother to host the shower. ruh-roh.
Seriously though, my mom is hosting my shower, and I asked her to. My moh is hosting my bachelorette party, and she suggested someone else host the shower.
DSCF1025.JPG (2437.5 KB, 23 downloads) 1 year old 
I actually have to second what Grey56 said.
It really depends on your crowd... if your shower will mostly be younger friends & family members of yours then you probably won't have anyone say anything. It's the older people who will have a problem with your mom hosting your shower.
According to my mom, she nor my sister will be hosting my shower b/c it is considered "poor taste in our circle". Pshhhh whatever. I'd much rather they do it because then (being the control freak I am lol) I'd know whats going on!!
I've only attended one shower that was hosted by the brides FMIL (FP #1) & people were talking about it for days before the event. In the car my grandmother goes "it's at FMIL home?! Isn't that a little..." There was this awkward vibe at the event too... not everyone was invited to the wedding but they were invited to the shower (FP #2). Overall the entire event just left a bad taste in everyones mouth.
I guess my advice is know your audience :) and if comments come your way just let them roll off your back! Enjoy yourself & all your new goodies!
Wow, I had no idea! My mom and I hosted my sister's shower last year, and her name was the only one on the invite. My sis wanted it that way, and no one said anything to us. I'd like to think that pointing out an etiquette faux pas is rude enough on it's own.
20100728_40.JPG (1596.6 KB, 68 downloads) 1 year old 20100728_39.JPG (1607.5 KB, 51 downloads) 1 year old 20100728_37.JPG (1679.2 KB, 39 downloads) 1 year old 20100728_36.JPG (1639.5 KB, 43 downloads) 1 year old 
I totally disagree with this supposed etiquette rule. Who comes up with these rules anyways? I mean, you are likely going to have a shower anyhow, so if your mom wants to host or mom's home is the nicest place to have the shower, what's the big deal. I hosted my sister's shower at my parents' house. Though I am not sure if my mom's name was on the invite, I think it was pretty clear that she (and my aunt) was helping me host.
My shower will be at my mother's house, too - hosted by my MOH (sister) along with my aunt and bridesmaids. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You know what, my MOH and BMs can't afford to throw me a big shower with all the doo-dads.
My Mom however, can afford food and favors and prizes and decoration and all those goodies.
I'd feel BAD asking my BM's and MOH's to host a shower knowing they're hosting the bachelorette party later that evening AND coming in from out of town (a tank of gas ain't cheap right now!) AND half of them are in college, the other half have student loans, and two of the six are paying for their own weddings. I'm a financial burden!
That's my perspective
Wow I also had NO clue this was bad etiquette. My mom will be hosting one shower (along with my sister MOH and I think the bridesmaids are helping) and my FMIL along with her two sisters is hosting another one. Both my mom and FMIL are big on the etiquette and they both said that they wanted to host it. Eh, I say, screw etiquette. But that's just me! ha.
(anyone else think etiquette is a funny word to spell?!? 
)
Somehow, I knew this etiquette rule. But I agree, these days it can be really difficult for BMs to host the shower. Between girls being OOt, or still being in school (and being poor), or even having hectic careers, it's often the moms who glue it all together. Sometimes it's seems more a matter of whether or not the mom wants to do it incognito, or not.
If you feel like it will be taboo (or if your mom is a bit uncomfortable), she can list someone else as the host. But I'm not sure she has to, if it's not a concern.
Yes, traditionally, moms don't host because it looks gift grabby. But as a practical matter it's hard to avoid these days. (And I think people understand). I do think it's important to keep in mind the etiquette rule like keeping the shower initmate. Etiquette says no more than 40 people. (IMHO, I say if you keep it close, that's fine.) So it might seem a little more important to not let the shower get out of hand, if mom's hosting.
I totally agree, your mom should go ahead and plan it! My mom will be hosting mine, its really just easier if she does it as I dont have one BM/MOH who lives where my family is. I will have one of them throw me a bachellorette which I think is fine. I also feel bad asking my BMs to shell out more money for a shower when they already have to spend so much towards the wedding. This is definitly an instance where I say throw out the ettiquette rule and go with what works!
I think it's totally fine. My mama's name is on the shower invite along with my BMs they are jointly throwing the fete :)
When I asked my mom if she'd host a shower for me, she told me it was poor etiquette - so that was a 'no'. She did offer to host an Engagement Party for me & my FI this summer, so I definitely appreciate that.
We had a couple offer to host a shower for us and then back out a month before, so instead my mom threw us a belated Engagement Party. It may be little silly but I get why the change. A shower means "bring a gift", and its kinda rude to ask people to give gifts to your own kids. We did get a bunch of gifts from teh aprty, but we didnt open them there because its wasnt appropriate.
flowers,_new_headband_007.JPG (57.4 KB, 20 downloads) 1 year old flowers,_new_headband_006.JPG (53.4 KB, 22 downloads) 1 year old flowers,_new_headband_003.JPG (40.1 KB, 21 downloads) 1 year old flowers,_new_headband_001.JPG (38.6 KB, 24 downloads) 1 year old You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Lyndzo | 46 |
| funkymunky85 | 26 |
| AshleyR83 | 24 |
| rebwana | 24 |
| mypinkshoes | 23 |
| his chippymunk | 23 |
| Ms. Salamander | 23 |
| Brielle | 22 |
| beargoose | 22 |
| kat2014 | 22 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| mtnhoney | 4 |
| AshleyR83 | 2 |
| kristenep | 1 |
| Hippos | 1 |
| caseyleigh10 | 1 |
| eagle | 1 |
| Brielle | 1 |
| MsJ2theZ | 1 |
| mandypop | 1 |
| Iloveyourlovethemost | 1 |
My MOH told me when I first got engaged that the BMs hosted the bachelorette, and the MOB and FMIL hosted the bridal shower. She'd gotten really angry when a previous bride had asked her to host a shower. I knew nothing about weddings then, so I just assumed that was the case. I mentioned all this to my Mom and she was totally into planning a shower for me (if you couldn't tell, I'm the first girl to get married in my family in decades). Then, of course, I found out that your mother hosting the shower is the exact OPPOSITE of proper etiquette! The groom's mom and sister are also going to help, so their names will be on it as well. So are people going to be aghast if the shower invites list Mom, FMIL, and FSIL as hosts? What if they RSVP to my Mom too? Thoughts?