Post # 1
My MOH told me when I first got engaged that the BMs hosted the bachelorette, and the MOB and FMIL hosted the bridal shower. She’d gotten really angry when a previous bride had asked her to host a shower. I knew nothing about weddings then, so I just assumed that was the case. I mentioned all this to my Mom and she was totally into planning a shower for me (if you couldn’t tell, I’m the first girl to get married in my family in decades). Then, of course, I found out that your mother hosting the shower is the exact OPPOSITE of proper etiquette! The groom’s mom and sister are also going to help, so their names will be on it as well. So are people going to be aghast if the shower invites list Mom, FMIL, and FSIL as hosts? What if they RSVP to my Mom too? Thoughts?
Post # 3
This wouldn’t bother me, or any (many?) of my guests. My maids of honor were my sister and my husband’s sister and they each hosted a shower for us. I don’t think it’s a big deal. Tell your mom to plan away! 🙂
Post # 4
I am MOH in my best friend’s wedding in September. I live OOT from her and where her wedding is taking place. The bride’s Mom offered up her house as the location for the shower. Myself and the other BM’s are planning it together, but using the MOB’s house.
I think almost anything goes these days. All though some people still stick to Traditional etiquette, I think that it really doesn’t matter who hosts a shower as long as the brides happy with it and the person planning it doesn’t mind. 🙂
Post # 5
Personally it doesn’t bother me.
I you’re mom, FMIL, and FSIL seem ok with it, then I’d imagine their friends/family will be ok with it too.
My FSILs are hosting one on FI’s side, and my aunt’s are hosting one on the other side.
I think it’s becoming more accepted now-a-days than it was because bridesmaids either can’t afford to host it by themselves, or they aren’t hosting one for people (the bride’s family, etc) that they may not know.
Post # 6
My mom is planning my shower behind the scenes. She’s doing a lot of legwork and spending the dough, but my MOH is "hosting" it. I don’t think anyone is thinking of it as being gift-grabby. I mean, someone has to throw you a shower, right?
Not sure where you MOH got her info, but she’s WAAAAY off base. Definitely her job to host it and get it going! If not by herself, then with the bride’s family and the BMs! My FMIL did throw me a separate shower for her side of the family though. This next one is just friends
Post # 7
My mom and sister planned and hosted my hometown shower. Nobody said anything about it, and from what I heard, nobody declined because of the etiquette faux pas either. If your MOH is not up for doing a shower, and even if she WAS into planning and hosting a shower, I see no reason why your mom and FMIL can’t do it instead. It’s a pretty outdated rule, imo.
Post # 8
I honestly do not think it matters either. That is what usually happens in my family. My Mom is hosting mine as she did with my sister’s wedding. It really is no biggie. Times have changed and so should the rules =).
Post # 9
I don’t think it matters. I’ve been to lots of showers – even very nice ones – and I believe the moms were involved in planning all of them. My mom helped with mine. I guess it used to be considered ruse in the oast, but no so many people live so far away that in many cases if the moms don’t host, nobody else would. It wouldn’t offend me in the least.
Post # 10
I dont think it matters anymore. I was MOH in my sisters wedding but my mom, aunts, and grandmother gave the bridesmaids money towards the shower so it was sort of hosted by everyone and was very lovely.
Are you a Stevie Nicks fan? I ask, of course, because your username is Rhiannon. =)
Post # 11
Yeah I think it doesn’t matter! Enjoy your shower!
Post # 12
How bad is it? In what sense? Like, how bad is it from a tradionally "she does this" she does that" standpoint?
My mom has already started planning a bridal shower, that she wants to throw. I think her ideas are so wonderful and I love her taste.
That being said, my little sister is my MOH, and I’ve chosen to have no bridesmaids.
I think that now more brides are not sticking abiding my traditional codes of which person does this and that. It is ok to break away from the standards.
If your mom wishes to throw you a shower, I think it will be fantastic. She probably is dreaming about it! If she is like my mother, she would do exactly what she wants and smile at anyone who would say the mother of the bride should not host the shower.
Really, who would say that anyway? Only a miserable fool would talk down about a bridal shower!
Post # 13
- Wedding: May 2010 - The Pierre Hotel
I don’t think it matters these days. I guess traditionally, it didn’t want to seem that the MOB was asking for gifts for her daughter, but with everyone being so busy these days, I would just go with whatever works best for you/your bridal party/mom/FMIL etc. I "hosted" my sister’s shower, but my mom helped me out a LOT behind the scenes. I don’t think anyone will judge or take offense. Good luck!
Post # 14
I just got off the phone with my Mom about the same thing! I’m having a ‘family’ shower in August thrown by my aunt and MOH and my Mom wants to throw me a ‘friend’ shower in my hometown this summer but we both weren’t sure if that was ok (since, traditionally, the MOB doesn’t do this). So I really appreciate this post and the feedabck you girls have given – I will definitely pass it on to my Mom!
Post # 15
My Mom planned and threw my shower. The only bridesmaid that I even had in attendence was my future sister in law. My bridesmaids are all over the country and I probably wouldn’t have had a shower if my Mom didn’t throw one. Not that it would have mattered but she didn’t want me to feel like I missed out. It was a wonderful event more focused on seeing everyone rather then presents.
I say, do what works for you girl!
Post # 16
<p style=”margin: 0in 0in 0pt” class=”MsoNormal”><span style=”font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana”>Now maybe its just me, but I never ever knew there were so many etiquette rules when planning a wedding! While I applaud the Emily Posts of the world I think, or maybe just hope, that most people are like myself and wouldn’t even know its not proper etiquette. I say enjoy your shower, after all rules were made to be broken.