How bad is it to doubt if your wedding should happen? Is it just cold feet?

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
4043 posts
Honey bee

Honestly, I had absolutely no doubts. I was more than ready. But then again, we had been together for 10 yeaes when we got married. Yes, marriage is a huge commitment, but I knew my DH really well and knew our relationship was strong and ready for the next step.

OP, if you are having any doubts, I think you need to take time to reflect and think about where those doubts are coming from. Some worry is normal, but major doubts might be a sign to slow down and reasses the the situation. 

Post # 3
Member
7531 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Are you really planning a wedding for Feb 2016?  I felt 100% sure during our engagement.  I wasn’t at all nervous and neither was he.  We were both happy and excited to get married.  Even if you love him to death, that doesn’t mean that you will have a happy marriage.  If you knew that he was going to treat you like he is now for the next 50 years, would you marry him? Is there been a sudden change in your relationship or with him?  It’s hard to tell you more without knowing more, and then again it would be difficult to advise you, but if you are having doubts, at least postpone your wedding.  Good luck with your decision.  

Post # 5
Member
432 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I was very doubtful about throwing a wedding. Absolutely no doubts about getting married. We did start talking about marriage 3 years before we were engaged and at the beginning I felt doubtful he was the one. Eventually I was ready and we eloped!

Post # 7
Member
1303 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2015 - Chapel on Base

I’m 100% certain and ready to be married.  I do doubt I want to spend money on my wedding and would rather elope. 

Post # 8
Member
7211 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

JTrain:  based on your update, your FI doesn’t seem capable of being a good husband and father right now. So it makes sense that your gut wants to put off the commitment. I think you are very smart to trust your gut. More time will give you a chance to see what he’s capable of. If he loves you, he will care about your feelings and needs. 

Post # 11
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

JTrain:  I wouldn’t be prepared to marry a man like that. I had no doubts I wanted to be with my dh. Granted we fought the day before the wedding due to people interfering but I still wanted to marry him.

Post # 12
Member
1108 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I have felt 100% sure for my whole engagement but we have been together nearly seven years. From your update I w oils not marry him

Post # 13
Member
4639 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Based on your update, I wouldn’t marry someone like that. But.. I put up with zero bullshit ever. From anyone. 

Being nervous about getting married is normal, having doubts is not a good Sign. By the time the week before our wedding rolled around, I was giddy with excitement. Trust your gut.

Post # 14
Member
1499 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

No, it’s not cold feet. Those are some serious red flags. If you don’t want to put up with his behavior your entire life, don’t marry him. He sounds incredibly self absorbed and if his child cant inspire him to be more selfless and caring, no one can. At the very least go to premarital counseling, but based on how he treats his kid I don’t have much faith. 

Post # 15
Member
870 posts
Busy bee

I would not marry him. That poor little boy. Imagine having more children and having them treated that way. He does not sound like a good partner or dad. 

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