Post # 1
I have felt pretty unsupported by a friend of mine for quite some time now (have posted about the situation before if you want to have a look), and she wanted to catch up today but I already had plans. I’ve been going through a tough time emotionally lately, starting from my SO being assaulted last year, to me now having a lot of anxiety about even leaving the house. I’m scared to have a drink in case something really bad happens and I have to drive. I’m scared to not have petrol in the car in case I need to drive somewhere in an emergency. I’m paranoid about people being out to hurt me or those I care about. I have told her this, so she knows that I am not coping at the moment. And I guess I am reluctant to catch up with her because I have felt abandoned by her when I’ve told her good news or bad – she seems uninterested, and it takes her sometimes up to a week to reply to a message (this is how we’ve always communicated, but on occasions when something bad has happened to her, I always call her) . I might be being unfair because she does have a child, but it is how I feel. Yet she has asked if she has done something wrong. I am very non-confrontational, and avoid conflict at all costs, but if I don’t say something, things will remain the same. How do I respond to this in a way that is not attacking her or making her feel like crap?
Post # 3
First, major hugs if you want them. This isn’t easy stuff to deal with. Second, I’m not entirely sure how you should respond to your friend – would you feel comfortable inviting her to your place, or somewhere you’re comfortable, for a quick snack/cup of coffee? You can talk over that with ease, and there’s no worry about being impaired from alcohol. But only do that if it sounds like what you want to do – otherwise, just tell her you’re having a hard time and would love to catch up later, when you have more time/less stress. Third, I think you should look into counseling for your anxiety – it sounds like it’s taking over your life, which isn’t cool, and a counselor (and possibly medication, if you want/need) can help stop that. But make sure you like your counselor (I didn’t know I could just not go back after one appointment if I didn’t want to at first – but it’s totally cool to do that, I know now!).
I’m sure other Bees have had to deal with counselors/therapy for various issues (for me it is SEVERE depression) and some might even have some useful ideas for you to deal with your anxiety.
Post # 4
@zumbaista: Major hugs gratefully accepted. Thank you for your kind words and advice. I have made an appointment to see a psychologist to talk everything through- I get a few free sessions through work. I have told my friend about all this, I haven’t mentioned feeling abandoned by her – it may well be that how I’m feeling is clouding everything else. At any rate, talking it through with someone will help me make sense of it all. Thanks again for your advice.
Post # 5
@Deejayelle: oh I can’t stand people or so called friends who aren’t honest up front with me, I don’t read minds and can’t guess. Also I have a life and won’t always jump to a friends rescue unless severely needed. Friends should be able to be open and communicate freely, no holding grudges nor giving stupid silent treatments. Get over it and let her know. I think you are being unfair.
Post # 6
@Deejayelle: It sounds like you may have hit the nail on the head when you said your thinking may be clouding your feelings about this situation. You said it yourself, this is typical communication mode for the two of you. Nothing has changed but you.
Please get some medication. This is not healthy and it’s not necessary.