- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
When I got engaged, I immediately asked 3 people to be in the wedding party: my FSIL and 2 sorority sisters (one of whom is the MOH).
Now I'm stuck! I have 4 close cousins and 4 close friends from high school who are super supportive of the wedding, and I want them all!
I told my fiance that I didn't care if the bridal party numbers were uneven, but he does
Are 11 BMs and 11 GMs just completely ridiculous?? Have you seen this many before, or are you a big party bride also?
At least we're looking at big churches only! 
one of my friends had 12 BMs and 12 GMs, there was just no other way to do it for them! and they do not regret it. i'm only having 4, but i really do think whatever works for the 2 of you is the way to go :o)
Those are some pretty big numbers. Is there any real reason why all of them really have to be in the wedding. I mean, really, the way I see it, there isn't a whole lot of difference besides wearing the BM dress and haven't to help out more. I think having 11 BM's is creating the potential for a lot of stress and possible dramatic situations as well.
The general rule of thumb is one bridesmaid and groomsman for every 50 guests. Even 6 on each side is alot no matter how big your guestlist is.
Yes, it's really big.
Yes, it's been done.
Downside? in group photos everyones face becomes really small :-)
We are having 6 and 6.. We do have others we would love to have included but have decided to includ them in other ways so be part of the day at the church and stuff
We have 7 and 7 but we're including other close people in various ways, some are going to bring the host and wine up to the alter, others are going to do readings, two are in charge of the aisle runner, etc.
How many guests are you planning on having?
i was worried about the same thing - we have 125 people and i wanted just 3 BM - my FH wanted (get this...) 9 GM. NINE. i had to talk some sense into him (do you know you have to buy gifts for all of these guys? and just cuz you were in their wedding they dont have to be in yours?) and he whittled it down to 7... and i added 2. so as it stands we have 5 BM and 7 GM. i think its too much but whatever... its our wedding and if folks dont like it oh well LOL.
At this point we're looking at 150 guests. The reader/host-and-wine roles are a really good idea, thanks goosegg!
@spaganya, I like your philosophy :)
Oh, and to top it off, I got a facebook message yesterday from a friend flat out asking if she was going to be a bridesmaid...and she was not one of the people I was considering. Arrrrg...BUT even I know I couldn't and let her know nicely.
Thanks ladies! You've given me some great points to consider
I think you should try to include them in other ways, twelve is pretty big. Readers, EME (if you're Catholic), gift bringers @ the ceremony, person in charge of programs, person for guestbook, ushers (can definitely be women), personal attendants (help you on the day of, but not a bridesmaid), cake cutters.... there are so many things to do in a wedding, and it would be really stressful day-of, I think, to coordinate 12 BMs!
And full disclosure - we're having a small wedding party, just our two best friends and our siblings, making it 3 on each side (including MOH/best man)
My boyfriend has been talking about 8 groomsmen as well. I could honestly do well with just three bridesmaids (my closest friends) but he says, "we HAVE to have atleast 8 guys!" This makes things hard because the wedding chapel I want is rather small. I know that if I had a large wedding party in a small chapel, things could look rather cramped and not very well-balanced. I'm thinking I might be able to stagger the wedding party on two different stairs, so it won't look as awkward. We'll see though.....
I will say I have been to a wedding in a fairly large church and there were probably about 12 of each! It was a really large wedding party, but they all framed the altar on different steps and it didn't look bad at all!
@eehilton - i am debating now what to do with the wedding party in our chapel - since its fairly small - capasity is 120 max!!!! heres what it will look like if we have everyone stand up
or im toying with having them seated along the side walls on either side of the altar....
small_bridal_party_pic.jpg (30.2 KB, 50 downloads) 2 years old
... not going to lie, that's a bit big. I think the old-fashioned rule was 1 bridesmaid/ groomsman combo for every 50 guests. That's definintely not followed anymore, but it's alot of people to have to squeeze into one picture, and alot of extra expense. Maybe you could designate a special row for special friends so you can cut the party down? Or buy them corsages?
I think 11 a side is too many :(. I would try to find other ways to honor these people. Corsages for everyone is a nice idea, or having them be readers, other types of attendants, and so forth. But on the other hand, at least your life is filled with people who love you and want to stand up with you!
What is the reason that everyone has to be a BM/GM? 11 sounds soo huge; I think for me, 6 is the max or it'll seem too much. The big group of people just won't seem "special" anymore. I am having only 3 people in my bridal party and I can't barely keep up with coordination with them. lol
Do whatever you want, though, if you really want them to be a part of your wedding party, who's to say it's ridiculous?
I have been in large weddings! One there were 13 bm and gm and other there were 15 of each! I think it is just too much! I chose to go with 4 and i know that there were no feelings hurt becuase after you have already been in so many weddings it doesn't matter anymore!
i think that if you really want all of them, than you should do it. but i agree with the others that there's a lot to consider. it can get pretty expensive to have all of those people. you have to buy them flowers, and gifts. i think one of the best things for us about having a small bridal party is that we can afford to buy everyone really nice gifts. plus, when there's so many people, it's hard for everyone to participate and try to help. and on the other hand, everyone doesn't have to have the official title of bridesmaid to join in on the fun.
@MissLLC - Do you mind if I ask your age range? I don't know if I'm on course with this or not but it seems to me the younger the bride, the more BMs she has (okay, lol, reading that if you don't know that BM stands for bridemaid it sounds kind of funny) and older brides (that's me - late 30's) tend to have fewer.
Personally, I think 11 is a lot. I think more than 6 is a lot. I could be in the minority here but WOW. I only have 3.
But if 11 is what you want, go for it.
It sounds like you really want to include these girls in a special way at your wedding, but do they all need to be BMs? Would it be possible to give them some different roles, like ushers, readers, etc?
Personally Im not a fan of huge wedding parties. I think they are rather chaotic. Im having 4 bridesmaids and I wouldnt really want more than that. When you have too many bridesmaids I think its distracting and looks overcrowded. Also, I have heard from a few photographers its kind of overwhelming and doesnt always look the best. Its easy to feel like you need to choose everyone close to you, but thats not always realistic.
We have 6 each, and I do think 11 each is pretty big. FI was in a huge wedding a few years ago, and to be honest, he felt like a "placeholder." In other words, he felt like he was there for the Groom to show off how many people were in his life. Not saying that is what you're doing AT ALL, but I (and I'm sure you) would hate for any member of your wedding party to feel that way. Luckily, you said all of these women are extremely supportive of the wedding and want to be included.
I'm not sure if money on your end of things is an issue, but keep in mind the expense of bridal party gifts and rehearsal dinner attendants.
Finally, keep in mind your sanity. More BP members means more opinions which means the potential for more drama. I'd say keep your small BP and find other ways to include the rest of your girls. They will understand :)
You are lucky to have 22 people in your life that you feel close enought to to have them stand up with you. But I do think 11 each is a lot.
I agree with Joonbee. . .it will make the position seem less special. 24 people to wrangle into pictures, 24 people at a head table, 22 people to get together to buy outfits, 24 gifts to buy. . .This looks like my nightmare! But if you feel like you can manage and you really want it, then go for it.
Definitely look at the number of your guests; think about it this way, if you have 100 guests, 25% of them will be IN the wedding!
@StephinPA
I agree with you! I am 29 and have no desire to every be another BM and my friends feel the same way! I have been in about 10 weddings and since I am one of the last of our friends to get hitched I figured nobody would care that i only chose my closest friend, oldest friend, cousin and sister-in-law!
I think it depends completely on what the two of you want. I'm sure you already know that a total of 22 BM and GM is on the higher end. Logistically, it's harder to find dresses that everyone can live with, it's more expensive with gifts and flowers, you exponentially increase your chances of drama, and coordinating that many people for pictures and the procession is going to be that much more difficult. But it may very well be worth it for you to have your nearest and dearest up there supporting you on your special day.
Looking back on the last 2 weddings in which I was a bridesmaid, the most special part of participating was spending time with the bride, not just on that day, but during the whole planning period. I felt very disconnected in the one where all I did was show up at the bridal shower and the ceremony. The only other time we spent together before the rehearsal and wedding was one lunch where I picked up the dress she had pre-selected for me. She and her MOH did everything, and none of us other BM knew what was going on until the last second except for what the MOH assigned us to do at the bridal shower and one email from the bride telling us what shoes to wear and other such details. It was so impersonal that one of the BM didn't even bother to show up to the reception. I'm NOT condoning the other BM's behavior--it was absolutely appalling, but at the same time, she didn't do it out of anger or spite. She just really didn't think she would be missed, and to be honest, I don't think she was. The bride didn't notice until it was specifically brought to her attention. In her particular case, I think she may have been better off just having a MOH instead of a group. It was a stark contrast with the other wedding I was in last summer. None of us really knew each other, but we had a blast getting the bride ready, hanging out before the ceremony, helping with the flowers and whatever else she needed help with. And we all spent quality time with her in the time before her wedding, both one-on-one and in groups. The funny thing is that both brides had the same number of bridesmaids. It has NOTHING to do with how close we were as friends--I still consider the first bride one of my closest friends, and I love her to pieces. But the reasoning for her number and subsequent selection of bridesmaids was more about having that magic number than anything else. And I personally don't think that is the best reason for asking people to be your bridesmaids.
It sounds like you want a large bridal party because you are close to all these ladies and that they are all super involved and excited for you. As long as you're prepared for the extra work, why not go for it? Who cares if others think it looks funny? As long as your FI is on board, you should have as many BM as you want. Good luck!
We're having 8 on each side. It could've been higher, could've been lower. There's no way we could include every friend whose wedding FI or I have been in. Our bridal party would look like the end scene of 27 Dresses.
I think you should do whatever you wanna do. I've been to weddings where there's nothing but a MOH & a Best Man. I've been to weddings where there's 13 on each side. As PP's have said, you do have to buy presents for all these people, make sure you have enough space for church, in the limos, etc. I say as long as you can afford it, go for it.
too many for my personal taste.
we have five each, including MOH and best man.
anything over 6 is too many for me, but i can understand it's hard to choose between so many good friends...
Sorry, I'm in the anything over 6 is too big boat, unless it is all family. There are so many other ways to include friends in your process than to make them all BMs.
I think if that's what you want, then go for it! I had 7 on each side, and we managed to make some pretty fun photos where everyone's face could be seen, and they weren't really small. The only thing I would think about is buying gifts for 22 people. Can you make sure you can do that?
As for giving them other jobs, there wasn't an option in our wedding (I'm Orthodox, so the reader had to be Orthodox, and there isn't any other way to participate). So if there aren't any other options for you either, I definitely say go for it. I feel that there's nothing more demeaning than asking someone to be your "attendant" but not including them in the wedding party.
Ultimately it's your call, but I was in a wedding last year as one of 13 bridesmaids. It was kind of a nightmare because the bride *tried* to make things easier for all of us, but ultimately trying to coordinate things for that many people can be disastrous. It was kind of sad for her too because, besides the wedding day, the 13 of us could never be together all at once for the shower, bachelorette or the rehearsal. It was also hard for the photographer on the wedding day as she had to cross the street to fit all 28 in the bridal party in the frame, so the bride ended up being very disappointed in some of the pics. These might be non-existent or too-petty-to-matter issues for you though! Also, as a bridesmaid who has been in a wedding party that large, if I were ever asked to do it again, I would probably (nicely) find a way to tell the bride no...again, your choice though, you know your friends and family and how well-organized the whole thing could be better than any of us!
I wanted to keep our wedding party small, no more than 5 on each side, but was totally supportive of my FI having 7 when we realized this is what would be best for him. I didn't run out and ask 2 more girls when he asked his extra 2 friends, I feel at peace with my 5 and honestly want to avoid any drama. As an added bonus, I'm having my 2 single BM's each walk out with a groomsman on each arm and they are not complaining! ;)
Oh, but to answer your question, I think 11 on each side is a little ridiculous, but totally fine if that's what makes sense for you guys! My sister had 11 BM's and it was a lot of fun :)
I agree with those that have said 11 is too many. It is so expensive to be in a wedding. Let's face it, many friends would rather just be guests. I think your attendants should be the best of your best friends.
I think by having that many you are really taking the importance out of being asked, are you as close with all 11 equally, I would be offended if my close friend chose me as one of 11, I think there are other ways you could include them, Also wont 11 make it quite expensive even if they by their own dresses are they also expected to pay for there own hair and makeup, how many cars would you need, It sounds a tad over the top I would just have 3 close friends. Who mean the world to you. Being invited to a wedding should be indication you care for them.
Sorry for a 3rd comment, but I read somewhere (I think on the Knot) there is a general formula for how big your bridal party should be that is based on your guest count. Or maybe it was in Real Simple weddings. It made sense to me because like others have pointed out on this thread that when you ask as many as 11 people, it takes away the importance of being asked, but if your wedding is over 500 guests, it might not. You know? Also, it's just strange to have such a huge wedding party if your wedding is small, because it's like most of the guests are in the wedding. But then again I have two MOH"s out of 5 BM's, so you would think it takes away the importance, but to me it makes sense since they are my sisters.
Hello Miss LC, It's your wedding and you should do what you want! I had 8 bridesmaids and 9 groomsmen for my wedding of 40 people in Anguilla (Caribbean). It was an incredible experience to have all of our closest friends with us. Some were traveling from far away and we wanted to honor all of them equally!
I have been at another wedding where the bride had 12 on each side, and it was also a great time. The bachelorette party was so much fun, and there were no issues. I do agree that photos are hard with both bridal parties when there are so many, so in both cases, there were photos with the maids, and the grooms 9(separately), and that way it's not a problem.
Do it your way!
As the WeddingBee world has taught us, there are no rules when it comes to this type of things.
You should do what you and your fiance feel comfortable about doing. We had 11 BM and GM and we had a blast. Our pictures came out awesome, our Rehersal Dinner was way too much fun and everyone enjoyed themselves.
Personally more than 6 on each side looks tacky and the pics don't look good, but it is your wedding so you can do anything you want. I could have a large party but I chose my, sister MOH, my cousin, my best friend from high school and my future sister in law so that my newer friends don't feel left out.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
