How big is your family or will it be when you get married?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
7262 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

My side of the family is complicated, but DH’s is fairly small. My mom got remarried last year, and I don’t even remember my now stepsisters’ names! I don’t really think of them as family since I’m 27. It doesn’t work in my head to all the sudden have new siblings at this age…

Post # 4
Member
917 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

We are boring, with one little blip. Both my parents and FI’s are still together. However, I have two half sisters from my father’s first (shotgun) marriage. One of them is invited to the wedding with her husband and two kids.

Post # 6
Member
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Mine’s not too confusing – just really large! 🙂  Both sets of our parents are still together (32 years for DH’s parents and 26 for mine). Then DH has one older sister, 5 cousins, 9 aunts/uncles and 1 grandma.   I have 7 younger siblings (ages 22-7), 10 cousins, 8 aunts/uncles and 4 grandparents. That’s not counting all of the extended family who came as well. 

Post # 8
Member
1649 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

My side is pretty large, FI is inheriting a LOT of cousins from my end. But FI’s extended family is pretty small, with a handful coming from Singapore and several more from Canada.

Post # 10
Member
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

My husband’s side is fairly small – it sounds like because my mother-in-law caused or participated in a bunch of drama among my father-in-law’s family, so my FIL chose to cut off his side. I do recall one story involved her wiping an oily rag on her brother-in-law while they were arguing. So, the only relatives I’ve really had to deal with are my husband’s sister (and her husband), the parents-in-law, and my husband’s maternal grandparents.

I love his grandparents. I can’t stand the rest of them. I’ve never met a more dramatic, arrogant bunch. My SIL’s been in so many Facebook fights as a result of posting passive-aggressive insults that I can just pop some popcorn, sit back and watch it all burn. She also LOOOOVES being “helpful” and giving advice, so this usually involves her walking around my house, then giving ‘advice’ whenever she sees fit. I’ve tried every polite strategy I can think of to get her to shut up. When it comes to my brother-in-law, I can see why they married. He’s another insecure person who feels the need to prove that he’s right and intelligent and amazing to everyone he meets. It’s sad and pathetic.

They aren’t the sharpest tools in the shed, but no one cares. I’d like them a lot more if they were themselves than trying to prove to the world that they’re the best at everything.

My husband’s parents have always rubbed me the wrong way. I’ve always felt like my mother-in-law is digging at me, trying to find a weak spot in my armor. She’s tried to cause some problems between us in the past, though not too recently. I watch my back around that woman. I go out of my way to be very polite, very cordial, but I discuss nothing of my personal life with her.

 

Then there’s my lovely family. I have one older sibling and a sister-in-law, and my parents have been in a miserable marriage for more than 30 years. They’re completely irresponsible. My mom always did everything out of obligation for everyone under the sun, so extended family and friends thought she was a doting martyr. In reality, she was an emotionally abusive witch who routinely threw temper tantrums and took her anger out on the three of us. It was amazing how a sibling could say something to her, she’d smile and bend over backwards to appease him, then hang up the phone and explode at all of us.

My childhood involved a lot of insecurity – that bitch did a number on me. I was made to feel inadequate as a person; in my abilities; in my appearance; in my friendships – everything. I spent my formative years desperately trying to get her approval, and she’d just turn her nose up at me (she would literally have temper tantrums, storm off to her room…I’d follow her, and she would cross her arms over her chest, turn her head away, and let out a, “HMPH” as she continued ignoring me. It was amazing).

My dad supported her in everything and believed everything she said, which is why that nonsense went on. I received the brunt of it; my parents preferred my brother and it showed in the abuse. As I got older – mid – teens – my dad would join in on her campaigns against me.

She’d call my brother and go on at length about what an awful daughter I was. She’d often complain about me right in front of me, calling every relative to extoll my personal business. When I was in my late teens, I started a dating profile to meet someone – a tasteful, appropriate profile without any pictures. She told all of my relatives that I was “acting slutty online” trying to get a boyfriend.

I learned to always delete the history when I used the computer, never keep a written record of anything in my life, hide anything college-related and so on as I got older.  I avoided talking to her as much as possible, which usually just enraged her; but if I did talk to her, she’d start asking probing questions and wouldn’t stop (or would, again, explode) unless I answered everything to her liking.

Nothing was safe. She’d go through my room, find my personal things, read them, tell other people about them, etc. She once went through my Facebook profile and blew up at me when she discovered a message I’d written about her to a friend (…whoops…didn’t go through my typical computer protocol that time).

Now she complains about never having any money. If my dad calls off work one night, he goes from being doted on to being a loathed monster. She calls everyone to complain about him, and has turned some of her relatives against him. She’s always shocked when that happens, then tries to convince them that he’s “okay.” She routinely threatens to leave him and to go live with one of her relatives. She’s been pulling this juvenile bullshit for years. I tune it out when I have to talk to her.

Every day is some great, big obstacle for her to overcome. She had to wash dishes and do LAUNDRY today, y’all. My God, when does it ever end?!?! When we go over there, she’ll start her pity party on my husband, who just sits there and ignores her. “Yeah, everybody has to do laundry and wash dishes…you won’t get any sympathy from me.”

She had no business ever having kids. She was a punitive, childish woman. It pains me that she baby-sits my cousin’s 7-year-old son, as he’s now being exposed to all of her crap too.He’ll cry and she gets in his face and starts mocking the tears. I’m old enough now that I usually put her in her place – since I no longer live with her, I’m an “outsider” and she can’t abuse me to the same degree, so usually she’ll comply when I tell her not to do something.

Her favorite hobby is telling stories about how “awful” I was as a kid. With anyone else, I would find this light-hearted. No, it’s all a part of her “my daughter is a horrible human being and always stressed me out SO MUCH” smear campaign. I always retort with, “Maybe if you had disciplined me more consistently, it wouldn’t have been like that.” It’s funny watching the anger brew on her face when I answer her BS with something like that.

I should add that I always did well in school, worked through most of my teens and beyond, interned several times, won awards in college, did housework, and so on. I was never involved in any kind of trouble at school or with the law. I lived a very boring, mostly-stay-at-home life. But any sign of my growing independence was a threat to her and a sign that I was “bad.”

So, when it comes to family, any of my in-laws’ downsides are nothing compared to the BS with my mom alone. I do feel for my husband marrying into this sort of thing, though neither of us see her very often…especially him.

 

Post # 11
Member
1952 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@JoCoJenn:  Wow you weren’t joking when you posted on my thread today, were you? :O

 

Okay. Mine goes like this: My mum passed away almost nine years ago. D (I don’t even call him my dad, D is the initial of his first name) basically ignored myself, my sister and brother while he slept around not even a month after mum went. He asked his new gf to marry him and she said no. Eventually, after A LOT of crap that went down (he basically stalked her and accused her of taking his son away from him, even though new gf’s kid wasn’t his to begin with) he went insane. he was locked in an institution for a little while, and was released and yay, he was back :/

He met his current wife through his ex-gf (the one with the kid) and almost instantly asked her to marry him – I think he has something against being lonely and not in control. She agreed and we all moved into a house. That’s D, us 3 kids, C (since I don’t want to even mention her name – she makes me sick), her 4 daughters, her 3 daughters’ boyfriends and every other person under the sun. The oldest daughter (my MOH) moved out with her boyfriend.

D was cheating on every girlfriend he ever had with someone else. He cheated on mum several times. So I don’t actually know if he fathered any other kids, and tbh I don’t care. Mum’s whole side of the family hates him with a passion for a million things he did before AND after mum died, and half of the family on D’s side don’t care for him either.

Did I also mention C dealt and did drugs, and is an alcoholic? Yeah I busted her in my bathroom smoking a joint (I had an ensuite) and then she tried to put the blame on me when D came storming into my room and tearing it apart. She’d hidden a whole bunch of pot in and around my bedroom. I told D one afternoon that if he stayed with C, I would never forgive him and I’d leave him to continue this path to self-destruction with her. They are both physically and emotionally abusive to each other, and if someone calls them out on it, they might as well wish they were dead.

He clearly chose her over me, and I’m happier knowing that. I don’t know how they’re still married. They live apart to claim benefits, but they’re still married.

In amongst all of this, all four of my step-sisters have kids. In 4 years, between the 4 of them, there are 6 kids, but rumours of a 7th keep coming up.

 

I don’t even want to get into FH’s side, I still don’t get it and I’m not sure I want to get it :/ Welcome to my family.

Post # 13
Member
1952 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@JoCoJenn:  I like to think of it as a learning curve. I should start a book: “Things Not to Do When I Have Kids” and write the story of my childhood, haha. My FH managed to get me out there before the physical abuse came back. I’m eternally grateful to him for that. Thank you for your kind words 🙂

Post # 14
Member
3077 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Mine also isn’t really confusing but it’s pretty big…not huge but a good size I think. When I counted up my side of the guest list at it’s max is about 80 people. SO has a TINY family. Over here it’s just her & her mom & sister. Overseas (where she grew up) she has extended family but only talks to one aunt & uncle.

Post # 16
Member
3806 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m an only child.

After next Saturday, I inherit 20 brothers and sisters, 5 mothers including one I can visit anytime in the Cayman Islands. lol

No they are not polygamists. It’s complicated.

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