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Dear ladies - this should probably be in the RINGS section but I feel it's an emotional issue as well because it makes me emotional!
FI and I have been together for 7years. We met in college. My big church wedding is 3 weeks away. We have been engaged for 7 years and actually even eloped and had a civil ceremony way back when we were both in law school and struggling.
Flashforward to now, we have both saved for a beautiful church wedding that's coming up. We have pretty much paid for everthing because our hard work has paid and we are financially stable. The rings we used 7 years ago were small and cheap - a hundred dollars each at least. They are old and tarnished. They might have been pretty then, but obviously not now. Especially since we are having a big church wedding.
I have hinted to FI that we need new rings. Whenever we are browsing the internet or at a store, I will drag him to the jewelery section and look at necklaces ... and rings. He just doesn't get it. He keeps saying ".. baby, we are fine, we have rings already ...". I feel like bashing his head, because we REALLY don't have rings - just old tarnished metal! I guess stuff like that don't mean a lot to men. We have spent a fortune to plan the wedding, but the rings are not in the budget.
HOW CAN I GET MY NEW RING without hurting his feelings? Don't get me wrong, I love FI very much, we have weathered a lot of storms together and have come a long way. He is the best thing that ever happened to me .. I just don't want to hurt his feelings because he is the very sensitive type. I have been thinking of buying myself a ring ... heck, I can afford it!
Help me out ladies! Thanks for reading.
Like you said, buy it for yourself! Or maybe you could phrase it as an anniversary/wedding present from him to you.
Ummm....not quite sure how I would broach the subject.
I see that you've been hinting but you may want to wait it out for a few weeks until after wedding. He may have caught onto your hints and plans on giving you something new as a surprise.
If after the wedding he hasn't given you anything new, I would sit him down and ask him for a new one as opposed to just hinting.
Are you certain he's not planning to surprise you with a new ring at your wedding? DH has trouble surprising me and I always work myself up over things that I really should just let play out. Just a thought!
I agree! Just take the lead on this one. You can even buy him one too :). There's nothing wrong with buying something when you can comfortably afford it.
I would say be up front about it. My FI and I have already talked about upgrading and said that I could if I wanted to at a much later date of course.
Buy it yourself, or just tell him you'd love to have a new ring now that you can afford one.
The title of this posted sounded HORRIBLE but I'm glad I read on because you explained yourself so well! hehe
Big church wedding, big ceremony, new chapter in life, new ring! Makes sense to me. =)
Are you guys not getting wedding rings? Is he just going to have you wear your e-ring and leave it at that?
If so...tell him how you really want to get wedding rings...not just an e-ring. Then maybe instead of a standard band...you can get more of an "e ring" looking ring :-)
I would approach him about it! You guys have been together for quite some time now, and a new ring is deserved! haha. Go for it
@samora:hi there. my hubby and i are renweing our wedding vows in oct. to celebrate 20 years of marriage,. we really had a knock out drag out arguments about me wanting a new ring. he thought the one i wanted was to expensive (5,000). i had to remind him that he gets new cars when he wants them and not when he NEEDS them. I got my beautiful eternity band and when he saw how much it appraised for (much much more than he paid for it) he was actually excited. sometimes you just gotta be honest.
I have a feeling your FI might just have something up his sleeve and might surprise you. I guess I wouldn't want to spoil that surprise by buying something myself. You never know, would that be a thing he would pull over you as an emotional gift to you his bride on your wedding day?
Well, you said both rings are cheap, right? So how about saying, "FI, that original ring I bought for you just won't do - it was what I/we could afford at the time but now that we are more financially secure I really want to get you something that is nicer that you will really love." Insist on egtting him something nice - I bet he reciprocates.
@samora: Since both of you are finanacially stable suggest that you split the bill or like you said tell him "I want to buy us new rings" but this time let it be me that buys them
How about melting the old ones into the new ones
Buy it for yourself. I had a yellow gold ring from when we got engaged around 14 years ago, yeah that long ago. I thought it was a jinx cuz we broke up off and on and then I just broke down when he asked me the second time with the same ring.
I would also give HINTS - they don't get them and honestly they don't care about the ring. They don't understand how important it is to us. I took him into the jewelry store, told the jeweler I was looking for a new ring, picked one out with FI there, and got a charge card and bought it! Happy Birthday to me!
Men are oblivious and if you have the money it will make you so happy. I now have a white gold princess cut ring and LOVE IT!
You should just tell him you would like to upgrade your rings to celebrate your big church wedding. You said you guys eloped, so this ring could mark your vowel renewal.
Seeing some of the other posts, I had to re-read the OP because i didn't realize you were already married. That makes this trickier - I can see why your husband would want to keep the rings that you were actually married with, so that is tough.
I would wait until after the ceremony. I agree with a PP, he may be surprising you with a new ring at the upcoming wedding. After the wedding, if you didn't get a new ring, then stop dropping hints...tell him you would really like one as a gift for an anniversary/celebration of your big wedding. Dropping hints usually confuses guys, haha. If money is an issue, there are plenty of ways to get a new, blingy ring for less. Just dig around here and you'll find many options.
I don't think he's not getting it. Maybe there's a lot of sentimentality to him behind the rings you already have. That said, I would opt for a new wedding band and wear your current one around your neck or on your right hand just to show him it means a lot to you?
You are already married. Marriage is about communication. Talk to him about it - maybe even broach it as an "anniversary upgrade". I think this won't be a bad conversation unless you approach it as "I want a bigger ring". That makes it sound like you just want lots of money spent on you, when in fact all you'd really like is a higher quality ring to last you the rest of your marriage!
I would be straightforward if I were you. I love my rings - but they're sterling silver and definitely not long term rings. I haven't even been wearing my wedding band for a whole week now and it's already changing colors. I straight up told DH I would like to upgrade my set once we're financially ready to and he's totally fine with it. We might just have my set re-done by a jeweler in white gold with a more significant center stone.
I wouldn't however count on him surprising you with a present - if he isn't planning anything and you convince yourself he is, you're basically setting yourself up to be disappointed, know what I mean?
Guys dont always pick up the subtle hints we put down. If its something that is that important to you I would just tell him how you feel. Dont tip toe around it just spit it out lol. Heck he may even agree with you!
Ladies - thank you for all your comments and ideas. I took your advice and sat FI down last night and told him that we could both use better rings, and that I would be happy to pay for them. He was horrified at the suggestion, and wondered whether it's a bigger ring that I want "or a bigger husband with bigger pockets." I think he misundestood me completely. He reacted like I was now a gold digger. He said "whatever happened to that sweet, down to earth girl" that he met in college? He says the rings we have mean a lot to him and remind him of how far we have come.
Look, I know everyone was trying to help, but looks like I am not getting any rings from him, surprise ones or otherwise. I think I might have bruised his ego. And apparently the old rings have a greater sentimental value to him that I thought. Either way, I am offended. Surely, how I can walk down the aisle in 3 weeks with these old rings?
Help me, brides. This is hurtful.
Thank you again.
@samora: Can you let him know that the rings mean a lot to you too? PPs suggested wearing it on a necklace, that's always an option. What about the angle of leaving a nicer ring as a family heirloom for your kids/grandkids? One that will stand the test of time, as compared to silver rings that will be tarnished and dented over the years?
I'm sorry he reacted so terribly. Would it be possible to purchase your own with your spending or fun money? If you purchase your own he has no "gold digger" angle to be upset over.
Either buy it for yourself or ask for it for a particular wedding anniversary. Most women I know get a serious upgrade for their 10 or 25th. My Aunt didn't get the big diamond until 25yrs later but that was the last thing on her list.:)
DH and I have wedding bands that were purchased via amazon.com. Works for us but we already know that when the savings is where we want it to be, we can both upgrade if we want. Personally I want to trick out my car so he already knows the way to my Heart.:)
Sterling silver for some really isn't the ideal metal. It turns my skin green.
It sounds like the 2 of you have been through a lot together and it seems that your fiance is really a semtimental sweetheart, and that's wonderful.
Even though you can afford "a bigger and better" ring, the man behind it sounds bigger and better to me.
At this point, I would only suggest that you maybe get a real gold band that is similar to yours. Heck, if you can afford a new one then by all means why don't you have bands made in gold or platinum that are just like the ones you have now? Only in a higher grade metal. That seems to be a compromise that would work.
Maybe in the future you can get that "big rock" but for now, it is obvious that those rings mean something to him and you should respect that.
Sterling silver for some really isn't the ideal metal. It turns my skin green.
It sounds like the 2 of you have been through a lot together and it seems that your fiance is really a semtimental sweetheart, and that's wonderful.
Even though you can afford "a bigger and better" ring, the man behind it sounds bigger and better to me.
At this point, I would only suggest that you maybe get a real gold band that is similar to yours. Heck, if you can afford a new one then by all means why don't you have bands made in gold or platinum that are just like the ones you have now? Only in a higher grade metal. That seems to be a compromise that would work.
Maybe in the future you can get that "big rock" but for now, it is obvious that those rings mean something to him and you should respect that.
Sterling silver for some really isn't the ideal metal. It turns my skin green.
It sounds like the 2 of you have been through a lot together and it seems that your fiance is really a semtimental sweetheart, and that's wonderful.
Even though you can afford "a bigger and better" ring, the man behind it sounds bigger and better to me.
At this point, I would only suggest that you maybe get a real gold band that is similar to yours. Heck, if you can afford a new one then by all means why don't you have bands made in gold or platinum that are just like the ones you have now? Only in a higher grade metal. That seems to be a compromise that would work.
Maybe in the future you can get that "big rock" but for now, it is obvious that those rings mean something to him and you should respect that.
You have already told him how you feel about the ring issue. I would drop the subject now.
Why should you specifically ask for a "bigger one"? Maybe you could ask him that you want the memories forever and a silver ring may just not make it till then. Maybe you could tell him that you would want to wear the old ring on special occasions and the newer one for everyday wear. Isn't the old one almost worn down? If you could get him to do that, just pick a bigger one when you are at the jewellers without fuss. Do not let the emphasis be on "bigger one". Let it be on something that would last longer. Good luck!
Stop hinting. Flat out tell him!
Also, tell him that you understand if he wants to keep his ring for sentimental reasons, but you want a new one. If he still doesn't want to buy it, then tell him you will buy it yourself. (Of course, keep the original ring in a special place so that he is not feeling that you are just tossing it aside.)
Why should you specifically ask for a "bigger one"? Maybe you could ask him that you want the memories forever and a silver ring may just not make it till then. Maybe you could tell him that you would want to wear the old ring on special occasions and the newer one for everyday wear. Isn't the old one almost worn down? If you could get him to do that, just pick a bigger one when you are at the jewellers without fuss. Do not let the emphasis be on "bigger one". Let it be on something that would last longer. Good luck!
@2ndtime: She DID flat out tell him, and he was very hurt. Sounds like a sentimental guy who wants to keep the bands and rings that were used during their wedding ceremony, which I think makes sense. OP, I'd let it go, at leats for now. Sounds like it's just going to lead to a lot of hurt feelings.
I am curious at to what your rings look like? Can you post a pic? Maybe you can convince DH to get you a new blingy wedding band
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