Post # 1
Let me start by saying that my FI is amazing and would do anything for me. I’m relatively high-maintenance in a relationship because I have anger and anxiety issues (already working on it before you all respond “get counseling”). I tend to get in pissy funky moods I can’t shake sometimes and he’ll do anything to try to help and sometimes it doesn’t work and I end up just being a bitch because I can’t help myself. Trying to get the the root cause of this with therapist but not quite there yet. Anyway, to the point of the post: I’m not a sentimental schmaltzy romantic person. I’m not. He knows that that is not the person that he fell in love with and is marrying and I laid that out for him from the beginning cause I’m nothing if not honest at least. I just need to figure out ways to show that I DO appreciate him and all he does for me without feeling cheesy. Most of the time he is patient with me but sometimes I can tell he gets frustrated. Does anyone else have this problem? How do you deal with it?
Post # 3
What about just telling him? Straight out, telling him that you appreciate what he does–whether it’s cleaning the dishes or just giving you space when you’re in a bad mood? Sometimes simple is best!
Or planning a special night–doesn’t have to be cheesy, can be as easy as cooking/ordering dinner, or going out, and then renting one of his fave movies. No need to throw rose petals and hershey kisses all over everything 🙂
I don’t necessarily think that I have the same issue as you, but I do feel that my FI is much more affectionate than I am. He literally can not go more than 5 minutes without kissing me, hugging me, touching me in some way. And I’m not like that, so sometimes I feel bad. But I try to remember that it doesn’t mean I love him less, I just love him in a differnet way, or I show it in a different way.
Post # 4
Definitely – my mom will sometimes put me in a funk, and my husband always knows when I’m like this. He always tries to bring me out of my funk, but it just doesn’t work sometimes, and I end up snapping at him and taking my frustration at my mom out on him. I just let him know that when my mom has p*ssed me off, he needs to just stay away from me for a bit. I don’t want to talk about it, or if I do, the best thing is to not say anything b/c I’m venting. He didn’t like that at first, but he’s getting better with it.
Post # 5
Try to find something relatively small that would have a big impact. Guys don’t tend to get into over-the-top, romantic gestures. They like simple stuff. Does he have a favorite beer? Surprise him with a six pack. (I did this once for my fiance and he STILL brags about it to all his friends) Is there an activity or hobbie he’s been nagging you to try? Does he have a favorite food?
Also, tell him how you feel. I know it’s cheesey, but it is impossible to say “I love you” too much.
Post # 6
I’m with you on the he’s more affectionate than I am thing, too and I feel bad but it’s just not me to say “I love you” every ten seconds. In some ways it cheapens the emotion for me when it’s overdone, if that makes sense.
He’s just so easygoing and I’m such a stress case, which definitely works as a good balance in our relationship, but because he’s so easygoing he doesn’t ever really seem to expect or want anything from me. Or at least that’s what he SAYS. He’s always saying “I just want you to be happy” and that doesn’t really help me in the “what can I do for you” department. I need it spelled out for me or else I’m sort of at a loss for what to do.
Post # 7
I agree with hilsy, do something special for him! Even better, try to work in something that’s related to your relationship in a special way. Re-create your first date or some romantic evening you had. Watch a movie that you saw together early in your relationship. Take him somewhere meaningful to both of you. Let him know that you’ve been paying attention and that it means something to you!!
Of course, if he’s my FI then he won’t put it together. On our anniversary, I wore the dress I was wearing when we first met (I was in a wedding so it was a special dress) and he had no clue! He got it later but it was a head smacker for a bit!
Post # 8
I like hilsy85’s ideas. Just do something small, like cooking his favorite meal for dinner. You could also go out to eat and pay the bill. I know that those two things mean a lot to my FI when I do them, especially when I treat when we go out (we almost always split the bill, he’ll pay and I’ll tip, or the other way around).
I used to slip litte notes that just said, “Have a great day! Love, Lindsay” into his wallet or pocket before he left for work too. It wasn’t mushy, but it let him know I was thinking about him.
You could also just go for walks around your neighborhood once a week and hold his hand. I’m not sure if that’s something that is common-place for you and your FI, but it’s a simple way to show him, and announce to anyone that sees you walking together, that you’re proud of him and love him.
The cheesy approach isn’t the right approach for me or my FI either. The things the mean the most to me are the little things anyway.