Post # 1
At my old job I made several close friends that I think I’ll have for a long time. recently I left that job, which was difficult, and started a new one.
It’s a very small office, only myself and 3 other coworkers in this particular space. I’m 25, they are all mid to late 20s.
I like them although I don’t think they’ve totally warmed to me yet (I replaced a coworker they really were close to, which is hard). I had nothing to do with her dismissal and came along weeks later but I’m afraid they may hate me because of it!
anyway I don’t mean becoming super best friends, but it would be cool to get to know them outside of work and develop a friendship since we’re working in such close quarters 5 days per week.
ive only been at this job for 3 or so weeks, so we dont really know each other but I’d like to. How can I do that without being creepy? How long did it take for you to become friends with your coworkers (if at all)?
Post # 3
@NYBeee123: I would give it some more time. Like you said, though you have nothing to do with their former coworker’s termination, it’s not a great association and is probably making them a little less open to you. But give it time, I’m sure they will come around.
When I have coworkers I’d like to hang out with, I start inviting them to group events with friends as they come up (like happy hours, trivia nights, etc.). We exchange numbers, talk by phone or text. We usually don’t do that until I know them better like their interests, who is in their family, etc. That way we have more things to talk about and i know what interests them (like if they’d be interested in going to that Autism Speaks Walk). For me, it takes off from there, but usually took about a year though I wasn’t actively trying to be friends.
That said, I’ve worked places where I’ve had close friendships with many coworkers and others where I never saw coworkers outside of work. The work culture may be different than your former job.
Post # 4
@NYBeee123: First of all, being friends with coworkers is very dangerous ground to tread on. They are never going to be like your true outside-of-work friends b/c they come with a built-in agenda: keeping their job (in some cases, no matter what it takes). This automatically makes things more complicated. Personally, I try to avoid socializing too much with coworkers especially women. I have been on the receiving end of a lot of venom and disappointment b/c I “got too close” to some co-workers from a friend standpoint. Anyway, I digress…
You seem to really want to become friends with yours, so I agree with the PP that this will need more time. However after that time has passed (use how comfortable you’ve gotten in your new workplace as your measuring rod), ask ONE of the co-workers to lunch. Pick the one that you find is more friendly and inviting and go with that one. It’s always easier to suggest something to one person than a whole group. If you two get along and lunch goes well, she should be able to give you an “in” with the other coworkers. “You know, the new girl is actually pretty cool – we should invite her out sometimes, lalala” – that whole deal.
Hope it works out for you!
Post # 5
@MrsNewDay: +1,000. Three weeks is way to early to be trying to get close to. I always like to give things several months to see how people really are. Never get close to soon.
Post # 6
@NYBeee123: I think it has to happen fairly naturally. I wouldn’t force it. Get used to their habits.. like if they all go for coffee together or if they go individually. You don’t want to rock the boat by inviting one person if they typically do everything together. Make conversation in the lunchroom or by the proverbial water cooler. Be nice to everyone. One of these days you’ll get talking about something and it’ll be like “ME TOO!”.
Just a word of caution.. from personal experience I’ve learned it’s wise to keep somewhat of a distance at work. I became good friends (or so I thought) with a girl I worked with, and then she basically stopped liking me for some reason. Work became REALLY awkward.
I still do the odd outside of work thing with another coworker that I’m friends with, but I think in future jobs I will always draw a line somewhere.
Post # 7
@NYBeee123: As a previous poster said, I would suggest going out for lunch with your co-workers. Google some restaurants in your area, and send an email to set something up. You don’t need to be best friends with them, but I personally think it’s important to be friendly with the people you work with.
Also, whenever I meet new people, I ALWAYS ask about them. There is nothing people like talking about more than themselves. You might find out some information that makes it easier to become friends with them. Good luck!
Post # 8
@MrsNewDay: ooh, I don’t agree with this. Some of my closest friends I met at work, some I still work with and those I don’t we are still great friends years later.
I also don’t think it’s a good idea to invite just one out in such a small office as it may upset the other.
My advice is just dont try too hard – people pick up on that and it turns them off. Just be your (best) self, crack jokes, be professionla but don’t suck up to the boss too much, don’t be shy at all and in time they will probably grow to like you, Particularly when they get to know the real you and no longer associate you with the colleague you replaced. It’s always hard starting a new job and fitting in, but you will get there. suggest to all of them that you go out on a Friday for lunch and buy the first round -always an ice breaker!!
Post # 9
I do not become friends with co-workers, so be prepared that this may not be a “thing” there.
Post # 10
@NYBeee123: I like to keep my work and personal life separate. But, if you want to become closer with them I would send an email or ask them all to go out to lunch. Something that can be done during the work day.
Post # 11
@MrsNewDay: +1. I have a distinct separation between my work and personal life. I would never choose to be friends with co-workers (but of course I am friendly to them!).
Post # 12
Friendships just have a way of starting unbeknowst to you. So first of all ask yourself what is your ultimate goal here for starting the friendship? Is it to be on their good side or are you trying to fill a void? Or both?
Right now at work, don’t do anything differently than what you are doing. YOU also need to guage them. 3 weeks is NOT enough time for you to make a sound judgement about their personalities, characters, etc. Within 3-6 months, you will see yourself and certain persons gravitating towards each other or keeping their distances. It is a slow but steady and fool proof process. Time is of the essense here.
I have met a cpl of my BEST friends at work. And one of them did not even work in the same dept as me. 1st one happened when I was looking to carpool after my car was in the shop and then we became friends on the way to/from work. Not really AT work. I doubt if we could have gotten to know each other the way we did had we not carpooled because I tend to keep my distance.
The second one I had to work with occassionally from another dept. This person was once surfing the net looking for some accessories when I walked by which I really liked also and we started a topic of likes/dislikes from there on. One day we both just automatically decided to go shopping together once and the rest is history. Once again, as you can see, the REAL friendship developed OUTSIDE the work environment.
Also as you can see these are just 2 ppl out of God knows 1000s. I find it unnecessary to start friendships with co-workers. You can always ask for their advice, input in anything you want while at work. (new appliances, flooring, car, etc.) and they will all be more than willing to help with that. <– Actually this is also a good way to start. This will make ppl feel their opinion is valued and that they are important and will as a result ‘like’ you for considering them worthy of their opinions.
Post # 13
-give it time
-always be friendly and nice in your interactions
-vocally be appreciative any time they give you help or you work together, let them know you appreciate the help/work/etc and you can add in not-over-the-top flattery (‘those are great ideas’ etc)
-ask about them subtley (how was your weekend? etc don’t get too personal right away)
-if you’re going to get a coffee or something small, ask if anyone else wants one
-let things happen naturally
-be open and friendly whenever they approach you
good luck, it will happen in time! 🙂
Post # 14
ps especially for other girls low key compliments on style are good ice breakers too, just something simple like ‘oh i love those shoes’