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well, my fiancee and his mother are expecting me to wear a blinding white wedding dress. I REALLY want black wedding dress. . .i never really like the whole white wedding dress look for me. . . I am fair skinned (but not casper-pale) so the offwhite family as well as the whites family of swatches would look horrible on me. Also I don't want a baring dress. . .I want long sleeves, my back and shoulders covered, NO CLEVAGE AT ALL. . .strapless/halter/spagetti straps are not an option. And not I don't not want a "duggars" wedding dress. You can have a modest wedding dress without the top looking like a t-shirt made of silk and starch.
I will be wearing a very much sexier dress at my reception so I don't need to show off in front of the priest/reverend/preacher/bishop/pastor in a church. . .i don't think i would be comforatable at all. ALSO, my bridesmaids will not have revealing dresses either. That's what i would feel like i am doing with the whole showing clevage and lots of skin at the church. Honestly, i kinda look porno-ish in a halter/tube top anything.
Anyway, my fiancee's mom thinks that these modern day dresses are fine and that i'm crazy not to get a traditional colored dress. All though I am very flattered that she offered me her dress, however i am not her size, it's the color i don't not wish to wear and its strapless, low cut back and front. . .just not appropriate for me to wear in a church. . .i would not be happy wearing a dress like that. And I know she would not be okay with me modifying or adding it because she hasn't been able to wear it either.
So my question is, what should i do about my fiancee's opinion about what color i should wear? At first he told me its our wedding and i could wear whatever i wanted, now he is thinks i am crazy that i don't want to wear white, AFTER his mother said her opinions. I didn't tell them i want to wear a black wedding dress, but i wear alot of black and that's just what i like. i think black looks great on me, its slimming (i am not a size 0), and i think its flattering for my skin tone.
Its just, eveytime i wear black, i get kind a dirty look from my fiancee's mom. She picks on me and says "too much black" even when i am not wearing hardly any black at all. She doesn't even want me to have black flowers. I was a a craft store and picked up a bouquet of black roses and a black leaf crown/posie. She was like, no you are not having that at your wedding. Um also my fiancee and I are the only one's paying for everything for the wedding and reception. no one is helping up pay for anything and nor did we ask anyone to. How can i get my fiancee and his mother to understand that the dress that i wear isn't the dress they want me to wear and that it isn't right to try an force their opinion on me.
can you post pictures of your inspiration dresses?
Maybe you could wear a white dress with a cool black lace bolero or something, w/ full sleeves.
Are you sure you want to wear black? I wouldn't want my FI thinking I was sad about getting married. haha. Plu, it might make you look even more pale. If you don't want white, is there any other color you can think of?
I agree, can you a picture that kinda looks like what you want, I don't know that I'm getting what the ceremony dress will be vs the reception vs the bridesmaids. Anything will work, but it is a bit different, so I'm not exactly sure I understand the vision.
If you are pale-skinned and white makes you look washed out, so will black. Maybe a less harsh dark color closer to your face might work for you? It'd be nice to see what dress you have in mind.
But I know that's not the question you are asking. I'd halt discussions with the FMIL if she's critical. Really, you can let her be surprised. As for your FI... that's a little tougher. Maybe you can find some pictures of brides in non-white dresses and start showing them to him to let him know that it's not really that odd?
um. i don't really like the bolero or shawls. yea i am sure i want a black wedding dress. . .i have been wanting a black dress for almost 3 years now. Black is not sad to me, black is not death to me, black is not "dark" to me. . .black is neutral to me. No can't think of any other color that would describe me. . .when i think of white, i think of plain, cold, basic, average. . .Trust me when i say whites and those off-whites look horrible on me unless i wear a pound of makeup and go tanning, which i am not going to do.
i'd feel weird wearing a black dress in a church for anything other than a funeral... sorry, that's just my opinion!
post pics woman! otherwise, w/out some frame of reference i think the only answer is just do what you feel like and be done w/ it :)
what i would like is mostly delicate, lacey dress. modest, but form fitting. . .old timey traditional. but i do want the bottom like the 3rd pic and 4th pic. . .kinda sort of. . .
dress40.jpg (49.9 KB, 68 downloads) 2 years old dress_26.jpg (22.2 KB, 57 downloads) 2 years old dress_16.jpg (51.5 KB, 58 downloads) 2 years old casper_dress.jpg (19.8 KB, 63 downloads) 2 years old dress_40.jpg (26.1 KB, 53 downloads) 2 years old 
I am going to have an unpopular opinion. I think what your FH wants is really important when it comes to "the dress". I was in the army for 7 years, so I have had lots of "guy time" which gave me insight I wouldn't normally have into the male mind.
Guess what - they do think about their future weddings, have opinions on what their future bride and the day will look like. In many cases they picture the moment they will first see their bride, even before they meet her.
I think that they should get some "say" into what that day will look like, yes even the dress. My FH personally won't see the dress before the day, but he did request no ball gown and it was a big priority for me to comply to that request.
I think you should talk to him about it, see if you can compromise ...
i love black actually (whenever i get engaged my bridesmaids will be wearing it) sjp wore a black dress and regretted it because it was the only time she would have gotten to be a bride. however if black makes you feel more of the bride then go for it!! i think a really cool satin long sleeve black cardigan type of coverup (sort of like what dina wore when she got married on the million dollar wedding or something like that)... and you could do an awesome cool brooch... Are you going with all black or would you embroider it with any other colors?
i meant to upload the LAST four. but the first picture i like the back kinda
oh i love your dress choices!! those are white dresses with black lace on them :D (logistics i know). i was thinking almost the exact same type of feel with the cardigan...
Yeah, I would also be a little wary of wearing black for a church wedding. If you were doing an alternative wedding or a Halloween wedding or something, maybe. Have you tried like champagne/light pink/light gold/etc.? I am huge fan of wearing the color black in everyday life, but I agree with others it's a bit much for a wedding.
I think the ones that you picked out are nice - especially the two under casper, the third and fourth one - they have some black and white so might be a nice compromise. Maybe they just don't quite understand what you want. But I think you also may have to walk a fine line of looking too much like a costume if you start adding layers to it to be modest. Not that there aren't ways to do it, just seems like a fine line.
@MsMini: I agree with your points as well. My FI has no idea what my dress looks like. But when I've been flipping through magazines or something, he'll see a big ball gown type dress and say something like, "I hope you're not wearing one of those Cinderella dresses. You'll be so poufy." Guys do think about what their bride will look like and I couldn't picture myself in a ballgown and I guess FI can't either ;o) It is important to take their feelings into consideration a bit.
go for the black!
there's zero reason in frozen heck for you to have to wear white. it's nonsensical that there's this pressure to be conformist all the way down to the color of the dress. go for the black if black is what you want and would feel happy in.
why do we all have to be 100 percent lock-step conformity? (white strapless A-line dress -- with the only big "uniqueness" a sweetheart neckline versus corset bodice or whatever; and then a white veil, "shoes in a color that pops," yadda yadda yadda)?
the whole white-dress thing isn't even such an old tradition.
go for the black if you dig black.
@hotchildinthecity - I had described the dress to FH somewhat, and he was like "you won't look like an upside-down cupcake will you?" ... it was cute, he is happy as long as he isn't marrying (in his words) "a cupcake or big pile of cotton candy"
@sleepylittlesailor - some of us like white strapless a-line dresses... and still have creativity and uniqueness!
i should also add that i am a believer in wearing a dress you love on your wedding day, i'm just not sure that black is appropriate if you're planning to have a church wedding...
Oooh! I love the pictures you posted! Originally, I thought you mean all black everywhere, but I love the contrast of black lace and/or tulle over white!
I totally relate to how at first the fiance said, whatever you want honey, and then all of a sudden sprout some strong opinions as you go about planning. I wanted to dye my veil a pale pink or purple color and my fiance thought it would be too "wacky" and our guests would already be feeling like this is a "wacky" wedding cause we're doing so many things they're not used/expecting at a "regular" jewish or chinese wedding (we're a mixed couple).
Honestly, I think that your inspiration photos are beautiful and classy and you should totally go for it! A matching black lace garter would be soooo sexy. Maybe you can tuck a red rose behind your ear for a splash of color...
thanks. yeah. i want black very much. i loved black roses every since i was a little girl and i always wanted a older looking dress like the casper one or the beige one. . .but i love black and it just seems modest but sexy and CLEAN to me more than whites and off whites.
I think you should wear exactly the dress that will make you feel most beautiful. If that dress is black, then go for it! Any time your FMIL or anyone else questions you, just say, "black is the color I think is most flattering on me, and I know I will feel more beautiful in this dress than any other dress I could have had, in any other color." I would also show your FI and FMIL your inspiration pictures. Based on what you described in your first post, I was picturing sort of a Morticia Addams-type gown, not the chic lacy vintage look from your pictures. The pictures might help them visualize what you want, and see that it's actually very romantic and pretty. If they're still critical, just stop talking to them about it and repeating the bit about how beautiful you'll feel in your choice of dress if they push you on it :-)
I get what Ms Mini is saying about your FI having a vision of the day as well, but all weddings involve compromise, and I think that on this issue, you should get final say because you're the one wearing the dress. I hate to think of anyone stuffed into a gown she hates and was bullied into wearing, that's a lousy way to start out a wedding day. So I think you should stick to your guns on this one!
also, my reception dress will be sexy but not slutty. . .so i can dance in it and be held closer by my new husband. . .the reception dress is MORE for him. . .what he likes me to wear and the wedding dress is more for me
I really like this one too - not sure if that's what you're going for though
http://s5.tinypic.com/rv9aih.jpg
@MsMini: FI said something very similar to me! It's just not my/our style, so I was not surprised he was not picturing me in something like that. My dress is the complete opposite -- lace-y, beaded, and fitted -- with sleeves :o)
@MrsMix: Also, try some google image searches for the type of dress you're looking for. I just quickly searched "long sleeved lace wedding gown" and came up with a ton of beautiful dresses.
Also, I've noticed while flipping through wedding magazines that the "Mary's" (brand or store, not sure) has lots of long sleeved dresses in numerous colors.
I don't really see anything wrong with any of those dresses. Most of them still look totally bridal, which is probably what they are afraid you are avoiding when you say you want a black dress.
The sad truth is, you will never be able to convince some people, so if you reduce the importance you place on your FMIL accepting your dress choice, you'll probably feel much better about it. I would still try to come to an understanding with your FI, though. I know how upset I would be if FI told me he wanted to get married in a green tux, for example, because it doesn't fit the vision I have, and maybe your FI has a vision, too. But you know him best--how do you usually go about getting what you want? ;)
Rock the black! While others maybe uncomfortable with your decision, the fact the you remain true to yourself (the person your FH fell in love with!) is most important.
That being said, it sounds like there is plenty of room for compromise in your situation. Perhaps you could wear a more traditional dress for the ceremony and change for the reception (which it sounds like you are doing anyway). While this doesn't mean you have to white for the ceremony- maybe you could wear something black and white- similar to a lot of your inspiration posts.
Offbeat Bride has a great collection of black wedding dresses:
http://offbeatbride.com/tag/black-wedding-dress
In response to your actual question :) I think that you should don the dress you feel most fabulous in- you'll glow from the inside out and your future in-laws will only be able to say how beautiful you are. Stay strong in what you want but realize that of course others will have opinions- especially because it's an out of the box concern. Explain to them, as you have explained to us, why you chose black, and also be willing to compromise.
I know there are more than a few fantastic chicks on her who have rocked the black frock- and I'm sure a few of them have been in your situation- perhaps PM them for advice.
OttawaBride2011: I'm sorry! Actually, my own dress is white, and lace, and strapless. So I totally wasn't trying to take a slap at that style.... it was just a "why do we ALL have to wear that style?" thought. sorry if my post made it sound like a criticism of anyone's choice.
I just think people should be able to wear blue, or purple, or a ballerina tutu, or a sailor suit, or whatever the heck they'll feel best in ... and the level of condemnation of anything too, cough, "different" -- hardly different at all, reall -- by friends and family surprises me a lot.
As for what God or the church might think about someone being "different" enough to wear a different-colored wedding dress: In my church, it would be A-okay with God.... and no one would judge me on my fabric choice.... (At least not out loud, or proudly LOL.)
bviq. . .i like it but more less, less skin showing on top. . .i just don't need that much skin showing at the wedding ceremony. . .i really think that my dress will be a breath of fresh air simply because i won't be showing skin. . .i just really don't think the color i wear should matter so much to my fmil or my fiancee. . .they should be happy that I DO NOT want to show off my arms/shoulders/back/breasts at all and want to be more traditional STYLE but have the color that i love so much. . .also again, i am not casper pale at all
Your wedding isn't until 2012 - plenty of time for everyone to warm up to the idea.
Obviously you have a very non traditional idea of what you want to wear. As long as you and FI are okay with it, then go with it.
I'm sure FMIL has had a vision of her son's wedding for years, and it obviously didn't include a black dress or black roses. Because of this, its going to take her a while to accept you want to wear something totally different.
texasmeredith, her older son's girlfriend is the type that will wear whatever's in style, the strapless white dress with the push up bra. . .also she has a daughter that can wear her dress and i really don't think it's MY place to take that from her only daughter anyway.
My dress is traditional in style only, just not the color :)
they make some really nice lace boleros now that would come in black and all you maybe more flexibility with the dress you pick out so then you can get something a little more revealing and finish with the bolero to cover up.
There just might be some misunderstanding of what you consider modest - someone said to me about whether I was going to cover my shoulders in church since I first planned not to go strapless, and it made me laugh out loud, i really didn't mean to be mean it was just I had never considered bare shoulders to be in anyway offensive, so it set off a track in my mind about naughty sexy shoulders and made me laugh. So they might not completely understand what you mean that you want to be modest, they probably just don't think strapless is equal to immodest.
well, i am dedicating my wedding to my late grandmother who raised me at if i was her own child, and she considered wearing PANTS at chruch, piercings/tattoos, cutting/dying hair as not appropriate. . .so that's part of the reason i consider no clevage/shoulders/arms/back showing. . .to honor the STYLE she would consider traditional as well as i do. Her oldest child wore a tradtional STYLE wedding dress and yes it was white. . .but i whites/offwhites are NOT me at all and i would be VERY miserable in those colors.
I say if you are dead-set on black dress and black roses, then go for it. Just know that you're simply not going to be able to convince the naysayers that it's normal. People can be very set in their ways when it comes to what they think is "appropriate" or "traditional" and you're just not going to change their minds. But should you be unhappy because of that? No.
That makes sense - maybe you just need to clear up with them why you want what you want, it makes a lot more sense now - and show some pictures - it's a bit different so I think the pictures really helped to clear it up.
I'd talk with your FI first, get him on board first, and then tackle the FMIL, while you should get the say in what you wear, it's always a good idea to keep everyone on a good page and they'll probably come around, especially since it seems that you're not doing it on a whim or just to be different but have really thought it out.
yeah. what's really going to be hard is my fmil thinks the colors navy or brown are too dark for ANYTHING too. . .at least my fiancee isn't afraid to wear dark colors ;)
also THAT'S the thing, i didn't TELL them i wanted a BLACK dress yet. I just told them that i didn't WANT to wear blinding white
um. i am not sure about black roses, i might have red too, my grandmother loved red roses and carnations and white baby's breath too. i haven't set on the flowers as of yet.
Sounds like you really know what you want and that's great! Also, love that you see the ceremony dress as a part of you and the reception dress as more for your husband- what a great compromise. Love that you said "so i can dance in it and be held closer by my new husband."
Just promise to post pictures when you do find what you're looking for, I can't wait to see!
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