Post # 1
I posted a discussion a couple of days ago about having several bridesmaids who are virtually against men. Got some helpful feedback.
But here’s a question. I love them, what can I do to help them? I understand the reasons: they’ve been hurt, their experiences with men have been negative. Maybe I can’t change their attitudes and maybe there’s only so much I can do, but I do feel badly that they are in pain about this.
Post # 3
Have any of these women been in counseling? I know, for me, counseling has been one of the best ways I’ve moved past things in life.
A lot of times it just takes time though too. The more they are exposed to and around men who aren’t jerks, it should help too.
Post # 4
I’ve suggested counseling to at least one of them. Two I’m not really close enough with. Two of them are in helping professions themselves, they know full well about counseling so I don’t think they need the suggestion, I don’t think they think they need it.
As far as time goes, it’s been years that they’ve felt this way. Almost as long as I’ve known them and that’s been twenty years, so I don’t think it’s a thing where it’s time heals old wounds. It’s just that some years have been worse than others. They never expose themselves to men who aren’t jerks…
Post # 5
Hi Bridepower, I have a Bridesmaid or Best Man exactly like this. I feel as though she sets herself up for disaster with men as she won’t even talk to the type of guy who won’t run away with her feelings. Every time I talk to her i feel like I’m a counselor as she asks me over and over for advice (and doesn’t listen), cries and gets very emotional/down in the dumps. It’s hard for me as a bride because I’m planning the most wonderful/romantic day in my life, but I feel bad talking to her about it and she has a tendency to drag me down.
I personally feel as though this Bridesmaid or Best Man is asking for trouble with the way she goes about dating. And even though I always give her great advice, she never listens. I am considering talking to her and setting up rules about when she can complain to me. For example, if I told her not to call a guy right away after the 1st date and she doesn’t listen and calls/texts/emails him (she does all 3!) then she is not allowed to complain to me. My sister actually suggested giving her general dating rules and if she breaks any of them, complaining and self pity are off limits. I think I’ll wait until after the wedding to do this as I don’t want to deal with the emotional stress of being her counselor right now.
Post # 6
sounds good. you know I tried confronting these girls on their attitudes, as far as saying them in front of me right now…I said they can talk about their own experiences but not to bash men in general since it’s not the time for me while I’m planning a wedding and two of them viciously attacked me. One said it hurt to know she can’t say whatever she wants to me and another called me “fragile” for setting up “rules” for what my friends can and can’t say to me (as well as other below the belt insults). This latter one is actually not a friend though, she’s just someone we know who was there that night we all hung out when the man/marriage-bashing happened.
i had to apologize just to make things better. i don’t see them much to begin with. i’ll have them in the wedding party b/c of our history and i do love them but i plan on separating myself from them after it’s over. at least that’s how i feel at this point.