How can I honor my late huisband during my wedding?

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
812 posts
Busy bee

How does your future husband feel about this?

Post # 4
1099 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

wifetobee63:  You’re getting married on my birthday! How cool! And congrats! <br />It’s sweet to want to do that but I have to ask (and I may get put on blast for even asking this but…) is your wedding the time to do that? It just seems odd to me? Maybe I’m just not understanding it? Is your FI on board with it? I’m 100% genuinely asking and not trying to put down your ideas at all. I’ve just never heard of doing something like that for a previous husband. I’ve also never been in your position and lost my husband and I can imagine how hard that must have been so maybe I’m just ignorant to the whole thing?

But anyway! My mom put an anchor charm in honor of her dad around her bouquet and it turned out really pretty! Also, a friend of mine passed away before she was able to stand up in our best friends wedding so we left a space for her in the line and put a chair there with her dress over it. Maybe you could leave an empty seat with a memorial sign on it? HTH!


Post # 6
5769 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

perhaps ask guests to make a donation to one of the many fine charities that support families of fallen firefighters, or to their local volunteer fire department, in lieu of gifts they’d otherwise make to you. Don’t do it in lieu of favors— honestly it doesn’t matter if you have favors or not, but if you have the “donation in lieu of giving you a favor” thing, that may be a bit presumptuous and not everyone will find it a gracious move.  Whatever you do, make sure your fiancé is 100% on board with it because no one wants to feel like they are the consolation prize.

Post # 7
3331 posts
Sugar bee

Thats awful, and I’m so sorry for your & your children’s loss.

I understand how important he was to you, especially as the father of your children, but this is your new marriage, about you and your fiance. I’m not sure if it would be entirely appropriate? I don’t know,  I see both sides and I completely understand why you want to do this, I’m just not sure if you should. To me it would be like 3 people are entering the marriage, and while I know you don’t want to forget him and your years together, this is a time for you to take a new step forward and start your life with your fiancé. How does he feel about this?

Maybe somehow your children could honour him? Incorporate it in your daughter’s bouquet? This is a tough one.

ETA: I really like Horseradish’s idea about the chartitable donations. That might be a good middle ground.

Post # 9
42101 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If your FI is on board, go right ahead. I would keep it subtle, like incorporating his badge in your bouquet.

I would not ask your guests to donate to a firefighter cause, unless it is in lieu of gifts. Even that is difficult to pull off, as there should be no mention of gifts in an invitation.

I do not think it is appropriate to have anything at the reception soliciting donations.

Post # 10
39 posts

I think including your late husband is truly a representation on the kind of person you and your fiancé are! I think including him in a small way, such as with the bouquet, will be wonderful. I believe that our spouses would want us to be happy if they were to pass, and I would want the same for my fiancé. The fact that your fiancé is on board and suggested it is beautiful! 

Post # 11
4760 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I like that Idea! I would do something small and personal, maybe just show your kids. 

Post # 12
4653 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I’m so glad your FI is on board and honors your late husband. I’ve lost both of my parents and FI has lost his mom. His stepmom honors his mom every chance she gets, even though they never met. It really says a lot about her, just like it does your FI. I know this is a little different and you’re not 20, but my friend lost her dad and right before her stepdad (he married them) asked who gave her away, he said “In honor of *her father’s name* who gives her away”…

Post # 13
262 posts
Helper bee

I’m not really commenting to offer advice (I really can’t suggest anything appropriate) I just wanted to say that your children being there are a wonderful tribute to him and I think your fiancé must be a wonderful man for recognising how important your late husband was without letting it chip away at his own ego. Top guy, I hope you have a very happy future together 🙂 x

Post # 14
5769 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

julies1949:  it would go in place of registry information, such as on invitation inserts or wedding website. The OP sounds fairly well established in life and a traditional registry might not be a smooth fit, so directing potential gifts to a charity would have many benefits.

Post # 15
287 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2016


wifetobee63:  I have to say reading that It was your fiancés idea and the way he looks at it made me tear up. You have a great man there, you both sound like nice people. I don’t think it is inappropriate at all for you to do something in memory of your late husband. I’ve been seeing a lot lately the couple doing a donation to a charity in their guests names in lieu of favours or in addition to favours. I also really like the badge in your or your daughter’s  bouqet. 

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