(Closed) How can I kindly ask that people don’t wear white to our wedding?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee

@mpestana15: There is no polite way to dictate your guests attire.  I think if you get wind of someone planning on wearing white you can address that person privately and ask they not wear white.  But ultimately, they can say no to your request.

Post # 4
Member
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’ll agree with @andielovesj: in that there is no polite way to dictate your guests attire.  I’ll also say that you probably won’t even notice what anyone is wearing that day anyway.  I had to look at the pictures afterwards to see what people were wearing!  lol  Even people that I specifically took pictures with.  😛  I’m usually pretty observant, just that day wasn’t about that, ya know?

Post # 5
Member
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Why do you care what people wear to that extent? No one is going to come to someone else’s wedding wearing a full white ballgown! People know better than that. You don’t need to try and control them. Are you trying to tell them they can’t even wear a white shirt with a colored skirt or something? That would be a bit over the top for you to try and dictate. I would think that you have bigger things to be concerned with on your wedding day.

Post # 6
Member
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I want all my guests to wear black so that my scarlet dress can stand out. My FI and I were joking around about how we are going to request this in the invite. We agreed that people don’t tend to take the attire serious enough to come exactly as requested so we said we just going to be blunt about it cos how else will they know that we actually being very serious about it. We decided to say something along the lines of “If attire is not as required, you will be barred from entering”. It would seem unbelievable when read, but at the same time it will get them thinking.

Post # 7
Member
9825 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

You can’t really tell adults what they’re allowed to wear.

Post # 8
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

The only way you can tell guests what to wear is if you are having a black tie affair or if your venue has a dress code. (Mine does) You have to hope that your guests have common sense and know not to wear white.

OR you can create a page on your wedding website and make it funny. (a bee did this and her guests loved it. I can’t remember her name though)

Basically she created a page on her website. it was like a F.A.Q. page and one of the questions:

What should I wear?

And she had a photo of all kinds of people in nice clothes. She then had photos of not so nice clothes. I think one of the options was not to wear leather chaps or riding gear because it was an outdoor summer wedding. Then she had a photo of ripped up jeans. Then there was a photo of a bride and groom and under it said, “This is what we will be wearing so no big poofy white dresses please!”

It was cute. It was suttle way of saying, “DON’T YOU EFFING DARE WEAR WHITE!” lol

Post # 9
Member
46137 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Your concerns are legitimate and should not be brushed off by others. Clearly there are many people who either do not know or choose not to abide by good etiquette. We see examples every day here on WeddingBee, including those committed by brides themselves.

Unfortunately, there is no polite way to address this concern directly.

You will have to rely on word of mouth and have family and close friends run interference for you if you hear of anyone’s plans to wear white.

 

Post # 10
Member
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@AngelJCV:are you serious? you’re going to prevent your loved ones from attending your wedding if they don’t wear BLACK? You’re going to dictate to adults what they MUST wear just so that you are the center of attention? (um. you’re getting married. you’re already the center of attention…) That sounds to me a bit, um, self-centered? or…control-freakish?

Post # 12
Member
9825 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@AngelJCV: Don’t expect that to go over well. It’s a wedding, not a nightclub.

Post # 13
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

You really cant ask people not to wear white. You just have to trust that no one else is going to show up in a wedding gown or anything like a wedding gown. I had several guests wear white to my wedding and it did not matter one bit. You probably wont even notice!

Post # 14
Member
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@mpestana15:wow. that is incredibly weird.

but…you can’t dictate to people every single possible thing they might do.

you can’t say, “Please wear a shirt to the wedding. Please do not bring balloons into the ceremony. Please do not stand up and start screaming in the middle of the wedding. Please do not pour beer on the DJ. Please do not steal the wedding gifts. Please do not sit at the table reserved for the wedding party.” ETC.

I am sure that all of those things have been done at weddings before. And you can’t try and prevent every single thing that might go wrong

I have a bit of advice for you–most likely, something WILL go wrong at your wedding. Don’t lose any sleep over it.

Post # 15
Member
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@red_rose: Lol, I get what you saying. We not really going to bar them from coming in, of course. Afterall, we have a set gueslist and number of guests that will be attending. The wording above is not set in stone. We still going to play around with the words. But as I said, we were joking around and my FI even suggested getting a bouncer at the door, lol. It’s just that we very set on our theme and colours. We’ve had functions before where we clearly say in the invite what the dress code is and people still chose to ignore it. This is kind of a bummer when you have a very specific theme and you envision your function a certain way during the planning. Unfortunately everyone just doesn’t respect you enough to actually think of all the planning you put into an event and the one thing you ask from them. 

Post # 16
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Generally people dont wear white to weddings and even if they do, I really dont think it will steal your thunder, you will still be the focus of attention.

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