- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2013
Hello! I’ve been a longtime “lurker” and am hoping you all can help me.
We’re planning a wedding of around 125 people, although our mimimum from the venue is only 100 people. We were originally inviting around 140-150 people, with extra lists of people we’d like to invite but that didn’t make the “cut.” FI is originally from out-of-state, about 4-5 hours away (where most of his family is still located), whereas I grew up 15 minutes down the road. He is also an only child.
42 of the guests we’re inviting are family – both mine and his; neither of us have particularly large families. We had been under the impression from FMIL that most of his family were probably attending – especially since a favorite Aunt is flying in from 3000 miles away (the family gets to see this Aunt every 5-10 years or so). We had been under the impression that it would be like a big family reunion for them, which I was actually thrilled about. Last week FMIL had emailed my mom about how excited Uncle Bob (who lives near her) and all the kids were to be coming up for the wedding and to see this special Aunt. FYI, Uncle Bob’s “kids” are mostly in their 30’s and only one has “kids” – but FMIL calls me and FI kids all the time (we are in our mid to late 30’s).
Fast forward to today. The hotel contract is due this week, and my parents found out we will be responsible for 80% of the rooms booked. She had asked FMIL to get a rough count on how many rooms they would need from FI’s side of the family so we don’t book too many rooms in the block. We were going to book 20, assuming that around 8 or so would be needed for his side of the family alone. (we also have a bunch of out-of-town friends coming in, and some of my family)
Invites haven’t gone out yet – we’re not even at the 3 month mark yet.
When FMIL called today, we found out that it’ll just be FI’s parents, the Aunt & Uncle flying in from across the country, and possibly Uncle Bob & Aunt Mary attending the wedding, out of the 23 invited from FI’s family. Quite a shocker, I have to say.
So one of my concerns is the room block! If these family members decide to come after they get their invites, I don’t want them booking the rooms we blocked for other people, then our block is full. Thoughts?
More importantly, though, now FI feels like there’s going to be practically no one from his family at his own wedding. Also, we were told today that FI’s Grandpa will not be coming. This is the biggest blow, because Grandpa helped raise FI (Grandpa tells him he’s like another son to him – FMIL had major medical issues when FI was a child so FI was at Grandpa’s a LOT). He’s in his 90’s and has had health issues in the past, so it seems like a bad idea for him to travel is what my Mom said she was told. But last week when FI talked to him, Grandpa was still saying that he was hoping to make it to the wedding.
I know how much it will mean to my FI to have Grandpa at the wedding. I know that would even make up for most of the rest of his family not coming. I wonder if it’s just “easier” if Grandpa stays where he is, so that’s turning into “better.”
Also – it’s very strange to me that his family bailed. My mom did mention to FMIL after the email last week that we are not having children at the wedding and she hopes that’s OK (this shouldn’t have been news) – she got nervous at seeing my FMIL talk about “all the kids.” Could that have caused all his adult cousins to decide not to come (only one has actual kids)?
Keep in mind that FMIL is also very sweet. She is a little naive as far as the world goes, but always means well.
And of course, everyone from my family will be there. All 19 people (7 being from out-of-town).
Any advice? He was so sad for the rest of the day – I feel like the wind was taken out of his sails – and we’re heading into a whirlwind week of planning for the wedding since we’re a little behind and this is the ONLY time we have to get things done. My biggest concern is how to make my dear, sweet, loving FI feel better about the whole thing, and feel like he’s loved and supported on his wedding day by the people that matter most to him! Sorry so long!