- 7 years ago
- Wedding: September 2011
I’m laughing at myself for having a secret identity…from my secret identity. But yes, I am back as LightedBridge with another installment of: “I’m freaking out about something and don’t want it to be attached to my usual ID…just in case.”
I am on the brink of moving in with my FI and his sons. I love them all very much. We all have a wonderful time together and I know they love me, too. We have respect for each other, there is great kindness and we have so much fun, really connecting as a family.
The issue is that I’ve been living on my own for a few years now in the most adorable little cottage and I’m having a very hard time coming to terms with moving out of it. I know it is a necessary step and the right step, but it is a step I wish I was more prepared to take but then again, I’m not sure I’d ever be truly prepared. Should I just do it fast like ripping off a bandaid?
I’d been working hard for months on two very time consuming projects and thought I would shoot for June 1st as a target date to move. However, I was so overwhelmed with completing these projects that I hadn’t the chance to really wrap my mind around moving or prepare emotionally/logistically beyond packing a few boxes here and there — and now the date is almost here. Thankfully, there isn’t much to move (the place was furnished, and is small) and my current landlady is a great friend who understands my predicament, doesn’t plan to rent my place after I move, and said I could move out gradually as I see fit. But I did tell FI “June” and so I am trying my best to stay as close to that deadline as possible for our sake; I don’t want to go back on my word or delay further as that would be unfair. He’s been so very patient already.
The cottage is where I came to heal from a previous relationship, it is where I learned to stand on my own again, and it is just a fountain of great energy. It is very feminine and cozy. There’s a beautiful garden outside, a hot tub under the stars, and deer that stroll through the yard every so often. So very peaceful and serene.
By contrast, my FI’s house…is not very peaceful and serene and in need of a lot of TLC. I’m not blaming FI for the condition of the place as he’s had plenty of other more important matters to tend to. It just is the state of things and helps illustrates the contrast. Also, I’ll soon be living with 3 other people, all boys, and even though I am at his home often and have already been a part of daily life, as it were, it will still take a lot to get used to the traffic and noise…and I don’t do well with noise. 🙁
Yes, I am looking at the bright side, getting excited and saying, “Oooh, project! We can fix his/soon-to-be our place together!” and he is helping to make me feel more welcome there. He is asking my opinion on furniture and decor, making room in the closet, bookshelves and the like. He is really such a thoughtful person and sweetheart making me feel at home and finding ways to make it more my groove, too. It’s still just very, very hard saying goodbye to this sweet home and this part of my life.
Any words of advice? I greatly appreciate it. Thanks.