Post # 1
This is probably the most frustrating part of planning my wedding so far! I have searched the boards and found many, many threads about Adults-only receptions. However, I would like our guests to be 12+ years old, which doesn’t necessarily make it an adults-only affair. Currently, I am unable to figure out a way to correctly phrase that particular request.
Since directly stating who isn’t allowed at the reception can be rather controversial (there was a backlash against FI’s cousin who put “Adults Only” on his invitations last year), I will probably refrain from doing it. My invitations will be addressed to exactly who is invited and I’m also going to add the “We have reserved ___ seat(s) in your honor” line on the RSVP. I’m afraid that won’t be enough of a hint for some people and would like to put something on the wedding website about the fact that teenagers and older are invited.
Does anyone have any idea of how I can politely let people know their older children are invited, without upsetting anyone with younger children? I’m beginning to think this is an impossible dream!
Post # 3
It’s all in the way you address the envelopes
Mr. and Mrs. John Doe implies that they are the only ones invited
The Doe Family implies that the entire family is invited, including children.
Post # 4
@tricia07: I would stick to your original plan, and address the envelopes/RSVPs as you’ve mentioned. If they try to RSVP with additional people, you can address the problem then.
Post # 5
@tricia07: How many families are affected? Can you call them or include a handwritten note in their invitations politely explaining what you are doing?
Post # 6
@Miss Orchard: Not necessairly. I sent invitations to just a single person i e Mr John Smith or Ms Jane Doe and they RSVP’s with a guest.
This is a difficult question to answer 🙁
Post # 7
@les105: That is worse. I had people RSVP with guests and how can you tell them their extras are uninvited. I say go with the note….
Post # 8
@Ms. Gertie: I don’t think that’s worse, personally. If someone is rude enough to RSVP with someone who isn’t invited, then it’s not rude of me to correct them. On the other hand, if I make the assumption that my guests are rude before they’ve even done anything wrong, then I’m the rude one. At least that’s how I see it.
The other option is doing an online RSVP system, like weddingwire, that lets you enter specific names of those invited so that people can’t RSVP with extras 🙂
Post # 9
Thank you for the responses. All of the families it would impact are on FI’s side and I don’t know them. I would ask FMIL to make those calls for me, but I’d rather prevent that from even needing to happen because she was SO against not allowing children in the first place. FMIL is definitely not a fan of some of the wedding plans we are making.
Post # 10
@les105: My wedding is in 8 days, its a little to late for that now 🙁 lol
Post # 11
We only invited kids 12 and up. We just made sure to include the correct, specific names on the invites. And then we let people know via word of mouth.
Post # 12
Unfortuantely I had to include this on the invitation because I have heard of horror stories where people addressed the invitation to the adults and yet they still brought their kids. My invitation simply states “Adult only reception to follow” but, you could tweak it to your specific age requirements. Something like “Reception to follow for guests 13 and older” or something like that. I know it really takes away from the beauty of the invitation but, if you have guests that you think will bring their kids even if not officially invited on the invitation you really have no other choice.
Post # 13
@Ms. Gertie: lol, I meant for the OP 🙂 That is rough about your extra RSVPs, though!! How stressful.
Post # 14
So we’re having a strict adults-only wedding and put right on the invitation that ‘we hope you will take advantage of a fun evening out and kindly request that this event be adults only’ (and we dont really care what people think, sorry!) and have made it very clearly who is and isn’t invited. Now this doesn’t mean that people won’t cross out what we wrote, but that’d take some balls that I just dont think anyone possesses. If they do, we’ll address it then. But in the mean time, I present to you our invitations:
The whole suite was addressed specifically to people (Jane and Joe Black, or Tom, Dick, Jane and Joe Black if there were kids living at home). I then had the “We have reserved ___ seats in your honor” AND “___ of ____ will be attending” where I fill in both the reserved seat number AND the second blank of the will be attending.
Post # 15
I think your invitations would lead them in the right direction, with you stating the names & then re-stating the number of people.
BUT, just in case, do you have a wedding website? If so, specifically write it out on there. We wrote something to the tune of: “We respectully request that all attendees of the ceremony & reception be over the age of 5.” Because we didn’t want any small children at the wedding.
Post # 16
Address the invitations ONLY to those in the household you want to attend. Do not mention any no kids or 12+ rule on the invites as it is rude to point out who is not invited. If they respond with extra names, call them and say you cannot accommodate any extras (don’t say its because of age, or money, or space, just say you can’t accommodate them).
IMO it is also inappropriate to state who is not invited on a web site, but web etiquette is still up in the air. Paper invitation etiquette is pretty clear, though.