We did not write any information on our reception invites regarding gifts. Nor did we register anywhere as we have lived together for 4 years and neither want nor have the space for anything else. When I handed the invites out on Monday to the 5 colleagues i'm inviting, the first asked me if we'd registered. I said no and explained we didn't need anything for our house. She said she would like to bring a gift and I didn't want to say 'well the only thing we could really use is cash' so I just repeated that we didn't need things for our house...so an hour later she finds me and tells me she was going to pay for 2 goats to be given to a farmer in Africa on our behalf (there's a website where you can register for such gifts).
Now, I know i'm not going to come off awfully well here....I thought that actually this is a lovely idea. I was not going to say to her that we would prefer cash, so I said thank you very much, gave her a hug and went off. 2 hours later colleagues no. 2 and no.3 come to tell me that colleague no.1 has advised them that FI and love the idea of charitable gifts and so they are planning to purchase more goats....and a water well! I honestly think this is a lovely idea. However, (I feel embarrassed writing this bit) I would actually prefer a monetary gift. I'm a little peeved at colleague no.1 for spreading the goat idea. So...if colleagues no.4 and no.5 come to speak to me...can I politely tell them 'no more goats please, or should I just keep schtum?
I don't think you can really dictate what, if any, gifts people get you at this point as you haven't voiced another preference.
@KatyElle: I agree
I'm giggling a little about this. I never would have thought to do this if someone requested no gifts....
I laughed when I read this... I'm a terrible person. I didn't think "no more goats" would be so literal.
The upside is that this appears to be a coworker trend. I have never thought of a goat as a gift, so to the best of my knowledge- it isn't an enormous trend. I'm sure other guests will ultimately give you monetary gifts though. :)
I'm assuming you have many other guests who don't know your colleagues and will not be getting you goats. I think you should just thank them, and feel good that you are helping other people less fortunate. You will likely get all kinds od things, including cash, from other guests.
I understand where you are coming from but I think you have to keep quiet about it and accept graciously at this point.
It is both poopy & funny though...I will admit I had a giggle at your expense especially as I thought for sure the the thread title was a typo until I read through...
Hopefully colleague #1 doesn't no any other guests outside of the work circle!!
when i saw the title oi thought u spelled guests wrong... haha goats as gifts... hopefully just your colleagues do this and the rest of your guests give cash... do you have wedding website? make sure there is no mention of goats for less fortunate on it..
I agree that you can't really tell someone what to give or not give as a gift (and FWIW my mom has given my fiancé and I goats, mules, donkeys and a beehive over the years instead of Christmas gifts).
On our wedding webpage, I included a link to a very small registry. It's like 9 items and I only put it there because, like the OP, we're an established household and there's just not a lot of "stuff" that we want or need, but I understand that many people would be mortified to think of turning up to a wedding without having given a gift (my mom would slap me if I did this). I also included a link to buy gift cards from our favorite airline and hotel chain.
And I picked a charity (the animal rescue where I adopted our awesome dog), requesting that, in lieu of gifts, a donation could be made in our name.
OP perhaps you could do something similar: select a charity that you feel more closely aligned with your wishes, and give some non-cash alternatives as well. This way, you're giving people options, as some find it very uncomfortable to give a cash gift.
@asianyoushi: I thought that too, then after reading a line I thought she misspelled gifts. And then I realized that this is actually a ridiculus situation and the OP knows how to spell. I don't have any advice though.
Lol.
I'm not trying to dictate what people give me...I keep hearing on here how rude it is to request cash gifts so to avoid offending anyone, we didn't mention a thing! I couldn't state any other preference, as I don't have one. I do think the gifts are a great idea...I just, albeit entirely selfishly, don't want to inadvertently spread the word that all I want is charitable gifts :/ Work colleagues know alot of my other freinds as we're all involved in similar work.
EDIT: I do understand I can't really tell people not to get any more goats!
Haha oh that certainly is interesting.
You can't tell people what to get you, or what not to get you, only give suggestions. If someone asks you what you want you could say something like "we really don't need anything else for the home, and really your presence at our wedding is all we ask, but if you would really like to give us some kind of gift, we're looking at re-doing our kitchen/*insert random thing here* and so any assistance would be greatly appreciated". I'm sure you could word it better, but I'd just offer it as an idea, rather than say "instead of goats we'd like cash" :)
Yeah, I guess this is what i'm after...suggestions on how to give a suggestion to someone who's directly asking what to give us....It makes me feel really uncomfortable implying we want a monetary gift. At least these are good gifts to people who need something. It would be worse if she'd spread the news I absolutely love plastic fruit bowls or something!
Oh wow. How generous, but a little odd. Like PPs I did have a little giggle but I agree you kind of have to accept it at this point. That sucks.
I know some people buy a gift from the registry and "pay for their plate" maybe this will be the case? But I don't think the practise is common here (in the UK)
On another funny note I know someone who told every guest at a friends wedding that all the couple wanted was a toaster. So they ALL bought toasters. But they did also bring "real" gifts too.
Bwahaha I nominate this for the best thread in Weddingbee history. I know it's probably cold comfort right now, but these goats are the gift that keeps on giving. Truly. 25 years from now you will still be telling this story, and it'll be sooo much better than an extra $100. I suggest starting a tradition of toasting the goats and their descendants at every anniversary.
Lol...you'd probably make a good return on ebay selling toasters in bulk!
I actually like the gift idea....and she seemed really excited about it too..I just wish I had a better way of directing people as to the kind of gift we'd prefer when they ask!
Some guy somewhere in Africa is gonna have a great time the day of our wedding lol
Maybe it's worth doing a small (say 20-item) registry. I've been "keeping house" for 18 years, and you can always find items to upgrade/replace. If people check the registry, don't see anything they like (or if everything's fulfilled), I would think you'd end up with cash. Or travel gift cards, like fishbone suggested.
This post cracks me up- I was thinking at first it was some sort of dowry- "No, Uncle John, we're good, they only wanted 20 goats."
@mrssrm: "I suggest starting a tradition of toasting the goats and their descendants at every anniversary." Bahaha
@KatyElle: I agree.
I give goats, waterbuffalo and bees all the time as gifts, especially when someone doesn't dictate a preference or a need (except for wedding gifts on the day of, those are cold hard cash). I do it through Heifer Int'l and it really is the gift that keeps on giving. I think my next gift is going to be the camel though--I think those are new. :-)
I did not think you meant it literally when I read the title. I laughed like crazy when I read the post though.
You can't really dictate what gifts people give you, but I am kind of surprised the other coworkers were on board with buying more goats so quickly. If someone told me they bought a goat for someone as a wedding gift, I'd raise an eyebrow and think to myself "I'll be writing them a check".
i'm sorry but this is probably the only thread on here that i've laughed out loud to...i guess i am a terrible person too...
sorry OP ^^;;
i have this problem where i laugh when bad things happen though, i can't help it. i don't know why.
ANYHOW..well, do you have any friends that you can have spread rumors for you? someone who you trust/love who during some gossipy session can say "ticatica and her FI have been really trying to fix up their house but it is costing more than they thought..i bet they would really appreciate some cash!" (hypothetical situation..i don't know what you really need..but something like that)
a small registry isn't a bad idea. there is something out there called a "honeyfund" which you can post on your website so people can give you cash gifts online. i've seen a bunch of people use it. i dunno how i feel about it but it works!
Thanks for all the replies. The whole thing has made me laugh too :) I think the problem si that in the UK, there are just far, far fewer registry options. A travel card would have been a fantastic idea for us but I've literally only heard of it because it was mentioned by a PP...
Ah well. You're rude if you do, you're screwed if you don't!
Just fyi, I am pleased for the African farmer...I may even mention him in my toast :)
@origamilove
£25k of student debt, £5k of personal debt since you're asking. However wedding money would not clear this! I have a roof over my head and a FI who loves me so yeah, I'm better off than most. I know where you're coming from. I actually could have done without the whole wedding shabang but FI and his family are traditional and insisted. We're paying for 90% of it so yeah, if we get anything back as gifts, I'd be most grateful if it were cash.
You could ask that they make a Kiva.org micro-loan in your name. Kiva basically connects small-dollar lenders (some as low as $25 or $50) with people/communities in very poor areas. The recipient has a set repayment timeline (usually a year or so, but you can find shorter ones) and needs to show their plan for the money---- buy grain to start a mill, buy seedlings to start a farm, buy hens to start an egg farm, and so forth.
The Kiva default rate is very low--- over 98% of loans are repaid--- and the money does some amazing good works for people who very much need it.
While I've never had someone make a loan in my name, I'd imagine Kiva has something set up. This way, you can offer a non-cash gift idea, redirect the goat-buyers to something equally charitable, and when the loan is repaid, you get the money.
That sounds amazing....i'm going to have a look at that. I've never heard of it!
A friend who had the same registry stance as you got married last summer and a lot of us donated in their name or did Kivu donations. She and her husband have a combined income doubling most of our households, ($300k+) so it seemed silly for us to give them cash when so many other people can use the funds. They were grateful for the way we chose to gift.
Just think of more goats as an investment in a great story to tell the kids or over drinks with friends in the future. :)
@ticatica: You HAVE to mention the farmer in your toast!!!
We had a simliar problem. We didn't register anywhere and our families/friends asked me what to get and i said, we both owned homes so we don't need anything for the house ... and left it that but everyone knew that we both owned homes, I just quit my job and moved to be with DH, and paying for the wedding ourselves... so they just gave money.
Out of 40 couples we got one set of wine glasses, and one GC to dinner out, the rest was money.
I think your goat problem will just be a co-worker thing ...
@Frog E.: second this.
It was very presumptious of your co.1 to assume that was the only alternative to a household gift....at least it's going to a great cause and she's not just giving you a goat? I really don't think you can tell people you want cash unless you're very close to them... you got stuck between a rock and a hard place. Or between a well and a goat? I'm not sure.
Just read all the latest replies....thank you guys :) I really appreciate the input and the non-judgement!
@HisIrishPrincess: Good to know this! We've tried to do the right thing with the invites.
@murmur: This. I did get stuck btw a goat and a well!
Wow! I must admit that I did giggle while reading the op but I certainly understand where you are coming from. Maybe, just maybe, you could start casually chatting with your coworkers about something you really would like to receive as a wedding gift but don't flat out say you want to receive it as a wedding gift. Maybe they will decide to get you that instead of goats if you seems really gung ho about it. I suggest you casually talk up a restaurant you want to try or maybe some home improvement projects you and your FI want to work on. Maybe you'll get gift cards instead of goats.
Oh no!! What a lovely / horrendous / ethicical / NIGHTMARE for you!! Jeee!! What a mess. I would keep quiet on the coworker front and learn a sharp lesson that when people ask in future say. We are really trying to save up for a holiday / a baby / a house extension / new car / whatever, whatever, whatever and would really appreciate that if you would like to give a gift that you were to give us money. That way no one is obligated to give you a gift, but they understand that if they do want to part with their money that they should be giving it to you. :)
Well you have an awfully global circle of colleagues! If I had told mine "well the only thing we could really use is cash" they would have been like "....k, here's a check."
No advice really that hasn't already been said. Just a giggle :)
I just had to pop in and say this is an awesome thread. Sorry OP, I don't have any advice. My guess is she's just oblivious-some people have this idea that you have to get someone a gift for a wedding (I know a lot of people in my family would never think to give anyone money...maybe it's a Southern thing).
Just fyi, I am pleased for the African farmer...I may even mention him in my toast :)
LOL
Can I just tell you how completely hilarious I found your title and your OP!? Bwahahahahahhahaahha!
That really is an awkward situation! I have no idea how you could politely say it, I really don't. I'm sorry (but lol)! Sorry, I suck! *giggles*
ETA: While I'm being totally unhelpful, I just thought you should know that I have always read your usename as "titty-caca" and I'm also sorry for that. I finally realized it says ticatica when I read your post in the "how did you pick your username" thread.
I love the title of this post!
But I really think it's a great idea and you should be thankful that people would want to purchase "goats" or "wells" to help the poor in another country to survive. They probably don't have any other means to provide for their families. Consider it an honour...
@fishbone: I think that Kiva is an absolutely wonderful way to give (and in this case, also receive right back). I was actually pointed there originally by my wedding photographer!
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