- 5 years ago
I am 41, and my sister is 32. She has been in such a panic to find someone and get married, and now she found him in October 2012. They became engaged Christmas 2012. She is so excited to finally get her dreams. Originally they talked of having a July 4, 2014 wedding or a Halloween 2013 wedding. Then they decided that they didn’t want to go through the trouble of trying to book a venue for the Holidays while lots of others will be getting married. Thye settled on August 24, 2012 because they want an outside wedding, not too near a major holiday, and leave themselves enough time to plan and pay for things. The 24th is the day they went on their first date so they decided to get married on the same date.
The problem is this: I live in Fl. she lives in Va. I have 3 small kids ages 4, 5, and 6. I have a rocky relationship (at best) with my kids father. We have so much stress we don’t need any more. August 20, 2012 is his last semester of his Senior year in the UCF Engineering program. His schedule will be EXTREMELY limited. He will not be able to miss those first 3 days of class without the chance of being kicked out of the class, and even just missing ONE class at that level can be a strain. I mentioned these things to my sister (hoping she’d moe her date up a week or two), but she has this idea that he can just adjust his schedule or start date, etc.
Another problem: I haven’t made it to Va. to see my grandaughter who was born in Oct. 2010 or to see my 24 year old son since March 2009 (when my mother died). Relationship difficulties has been the cause of this. (Kid’s dad thought we just couldn’t afford it until after he finishes school and gets a good job.) I don’t want more arguing because I feel my main priority has to be doing all I can to ensure these yound kids I have are in as peaceful of an environment as possible. It’s not that I love my youngest 3 more than my oldest son. I just feel I “owe” them a peaceful homelife to get them started out in life good. Soooo….. I can’t make a trip all the way to Va. and not take time to go see them for a couple days. To me, THAT would be wrong.
My youngest 3 kids are homeschooled. They’ve NEVER stayed with a babysitter, and we have no family or close friends nearby to keep them while he is in class those first few days while I’m at the wedding.
I love my sister. She is my BEST friend, and I don’t want to do anything to hurt her or miss her big day (no living parents or siblings besides me). In fact, if she could get married just one week earlier I couldbe there so much longer to help her get all the details wrapped up without her having to stress so much.
The problem is she tried so hard to find “mr.right” that she is very sensitive about anyone coming between her and her ‘mariage’. Her pastor and his wife are like surrogate parents to her the last 3 years. The pstor is going to marry them and his wife was going to sit in as a ‘mother of the bride” type role. She made the comment that they have a big horseshow (they’re in charge of) that same weekend, and she asked my sister if she could change the date? My sister about blew up (granted the lady was kind of “snippy” about not being able to miss the show). My sister was like “How could she even have to nervve to ask me that and disrespect me like that when she KNOWS how long I’ve waited for this and how important it is to me”?Then she was feeling so stressed she’s like “I don’t care..it’s my day..if they want to show they can, if not, Oh well!”
They have only inquired about the venue they want to hold the wedding in. They’ve put no money down. They’ve ordered no invitations.
I don’t want her to be mad at me…I don’t have many close family members. I know she will be offended if I ask her to move it up one week. I have to consider the headache I’ll have dealing with my kid’s dad if he loses a class. I love her more than him, but as my kids’ father, I have to do what I think will benefit my kids the most.
Sorry so long….Can I ask her to move up her date one week? Am I being selfish to consider my own situation first? It’s not like it just coincides with some office party or some other trivial thing. It’s not like I absolutely can’t make it, but I feel she knows enough about my situation that she shouldn’t get angry with me if I don’t come unless it’s moved to sometime when school isn’t in progress.
Oh. I’m her Maid of Honor.