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How can I respond to these comments politely?

posted 1 year ago in Etiquette
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    1.
    Member
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    Busy bee
    nurselindsey    January 8, 2011   Alabama

    As the wedding gets closer, I have found more and more acquaintences making comments such as "I'd better be getting an invitation to this wedding!" or "I'm looking forward to coming to your wedding!" While I consider these people acquaintences, my guest list is already pushing the limit. How can I politely respond to people that just assume they're invited?

     
    2.
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    723 posts
    Busy bee
    Julialimei    June 2011  

    I have trouble with this too. I usually something like, "Sadly, our venue has limited space and my family is so big that they take up most of the guest list." Then I usually add something like, "Good thing FI's family is small or we'd seriously have to elope!" in a kind of jokey tone. That way, I don't have to directly say "you're not invited" but I can convey that we have limited spots available.

     
    3.
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    Sugar bee
    Loribeth    December 1, 2010   Michigan (Married in Savannah, GA)

    I've had people make those kinds of comments too.  I tend to just smile and not respond.  Those kinds of comments are rude, and you shouldn't feel guilty or feel you have to explain your guest list to them or make excuses. 

     
    4.
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    Buzzing
    Beekeeper
    CorgiTales    February 1, 2011  

    I would say something like "we would LOVE if ALL of our friends could celebrate with us at our wedding but unfortunately our budget forced us to do a small mostly family wedding." 

     
    5.
    Member
    435 posts
    Helper bee
    tootietoo2    January 2011  

    I'm getting lots of those comments, too. Frown Ironically, these are usually people to whom I've not even mentioned the wedding so they must have heard it from someone else (I don't even wear an engagement ring). I simply smile and respond, "Oh, wow. I am so flattered that you would like to celebrate our day with us! Unlike so many couples, we both wanted an intimate wedding with only our families and very closest friends, so we're having exactly that. But wow! Thank you for even thinking of us, that is so kind of you."

     

    I make it a point not to discuss the wedding plans with people that I know will not be invited and especially on Facebook! Realistically, a wedding is a celebration and to some, just a big party and nobody wants to hear about the party and not be invited. So I just save the plans and details for my coordinator, friends and relatives and leave other folks out of it. That also means not having bridal magazines on my desk at work or asking for DJ recommendations from uninvited people, etc. I think that is the most polite thing to do.

     
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    Honey bee
    bRooklynRocks      

    You are not respoonsible for people's expectations. Just smile and make a non-commital comment. The nearer the wedding is, then you can say the guest list is out of control or something like that.

     
    7.
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    Bumble bee
    otb    December 31, 2009   Chicago, IL

    I agree with Loribeth, those comments are really rude, and I just smiled and shrugged them off.  I have an aquaintence who kept telling me how excited she was for my wedding, and I knew she wasn't going to be invited.  So I politely told her that between my DH and I we only had 50 spots of friends to fill.  Since most of our friends are in relationships, that really only meant 25, which meant that each of us had 12 people we could invite.  I didn't come right out and say she wasn't invited, but I explained the situation, hoping she would get the hint.  Well she didn't.  And to this day she still bitches to a mutual friend that she didn't get invited.  Also, she has never said one thing to me since the wedding.  I just feel if she wasn't trying to create drama (which she is known for doing), she would have said something to my face about it, but instead she just bitches behind my back.  I mean, seriously?  It's been 6 months.  Get over it.

     
    8.
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    Bee Keeper
    oracle    October 23, 2010   Los Angeles

    I say something like:  "You are so sweet!  I wish we could invite everyone we wanted to, but decided to have a very small wedding.  FI's not even inviting some of his relatives!!"

    Somehow that line about the relatives puts it into perspective for the person.

     

     
    9.
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    1,312 posts
    Bumble bee
    baldor1    May 7, 2012   Southern California

    Uggh!! I am going through this too. Luckily my date is much later than yours so when I hear it, I sorta just laugh it off. I know not good, but I am just hoping they forget about my wedding between now and then. I try to avoid all wedding talk when we get together but someone always brings it up. I am compelled to avoid all get-togethers until the wedding is over.

    By the way, these folks are mostly grad school classmates and their wives. During school I would've considered them more than just acquaintances. We had gotten very close especially during the program (lack of sleep and foreign countries can do that to students). However, it's been over a year since graduation and it will be almost 2 years by the date of the wedding. Eventhough our class gets together every 6 months I have now categorized them as acquaintances.

     
    10.
    Hostess
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    Buzzing bee
    jackie-o    October 31, 2010   Seattle, WA

    FH and I are under budget quite a bit, only we know that. Under budget does not mean increase guest list, NO WAY JOSE!!!!  We want a small intimate wedding ceremony/reception.  Small intimate to us is 100-120 ppl.  Both he and I have received comments and we say almost exactly what @oracle: has written - fewer words and yes def. add the part about the relatives. Simple sweet to the point and they can't ask questions in return!!

    "We wish we could invite everyone we want. We have decided to have a small intimate celebration.  We aren't inviting some relatives. I know you understand..."

     
    11.
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    405 posts
    Helper bee
    Scribbles    June 1, 2012   Auckland, New Zealand

    I just think it's so rude of people to make those sorts of comments. Friends of mine got married this year and originally my SO was not going to be invited (at that point, they were only inviting partners of those friends engaged or married). I won't say that I didn't feel down about it but there's absolutely no point in kicking up a stink. A change in their circumstances meant that he could come to the wedding also but if that had not been the case I would have been graceful about attending alone. Regardless of what you tell people, they should have the decency to accept the fact they are not invited.

    "Oh, that's nice. Well I look forward to seeing the pictures of your special day when you get them then!"

    Or maybe I'm a sucker. I ended up planning a bachelorette for a girl who is inviting no friends to her wedding.

     
    12.
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    665 posts
    Busy bee
    nurselindsey    January 8, 2011   Alabama

    Thank you all for the suggestions!

     

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