Post # 1
I feel like it’s never gonna happen. I have to focus on school and work without constantly upsetting myself whenever I think about it.
How can I just forget about the entire idea of getting engaged? I’m sick of thinking about it. It’s emotionally draining.
It’s also making me resent SO and causing major fights which will not make it happen any faster.
Post # 3
@Stranger516: Find a hobby you love and devote all of the energy you are pouring into waiting intoyour new hobby instead. If your not sure about what hobby to choose try as many as you can until you find one you are passionate about. Fulfilling yourself emotionally will make you feel good and hopefully stop the argument cycle. Good luck, I know it is easier said than done.
Post # 4
@Stranger516: I feel exactly the same way as you and I am sorry that you are in this position. It sucks and it is no fun and I HATE it. I am trying to do what @Snuggle: suggested and try to find a few new hobbies to take part in. I’ve started a class and I have a couple more on the horizon. I’m trying to focus on ME. I think I have forgotten about myself a bit in the last year or so…so I am trying to focus on me and what makes me happy. Granted, getting engaged would definitely make me happy, but…I’m trying to remember that there are plenty of other things that make me happy too. I know it’s hard. Good luck!
Post # 5
@Stranger516: I know it’s easier said then done. Hang in there! Finding a hobby and focusing on yourself is definitely good advice. Also – maybe focus on your relationship and finding the fun in “dating” again – remember when you first met? Trying to do little things for each other and having “date night” etc. will reconnect you. That, in turn, will make your relationship stronger and you soon will not be focusing on the waiting but instead enjoying your relationship and making it better. And that’s how you should enter engagement, not stressed and resentful for him taking so long. Hope that helps!
Post # 6
@Stranger516: I second the PPs re: finding a hobby, however one other thing that you can do is start hanging out with your friends more. Right before my DH proposed, I would make myself scarce and hung out with friends very often. Not only did I show that I had my own life and support system, but my not being around made it easier for him to plan. Good luck!
Post # 7
I read a thread like this when I was still waiting and someone suggested remembering that this is the last time that you’ll be JUST dating so have fun with it! At the time I was all “ugh I don’t wanna be just dating blahblahblah” but a couple days later I started to like the idea of us being young and in love and boyfriend/girlfriend. Not sure that’s what you want to hear?
Another idea is to start working out and getting in great shape (if you aren’t already?). Working out boosts mood and helps get rid of stress and then you’ll look great in your engagement day pictures when it DOES happen. The longer you wait the better shape you’ll be in – silver lining?
Post # 8
Do you have a timeline? Then the above suggestions are fantastic. If you’re just waiting 2 years until SO finishes school, then paint/knit/golf/work/study the time away.
But if you don’t, you could be waiting 2, 5, 10 years. You could be waiting for something that will never happen. It is extremely stressful for a woman to have so little control over her future and that makes waiting unbearable.
Post # 9
If you have a timeline or a hint of a timeline/milestone and aren’t waiting with no possible end in sight, chill!
Find a new hobby or get better at one you already do, start a new workout routine with goals/achievements in mind (e.g., couch to 5k, 100 pushups, etc). I’ve done the 100 push ups plan and you feel AWESOME when you finally get there!
Or try volunteering with an organization that serves those who are less fortunate. Nothing like spending a day or two out of your month helping folks who are trying to cope with truly devastating situations to honestly appreciate & be grateful everything you have and become more “zen” about that stuff you don’t have. I volunteer with an organization that helps individuals who are homeless/have unstable housing to access things you & I probably take for granted (food, clothes, medical/dental services, glasses, haircuts).
Post # 10
@canadajane: “But if you don’t, you could be waiting 2, 5, 10 years. You could be waiting for something that will never happen. It is extremely stressful for a woman to have so little control over her future and that makes waiting unbearable. “
This is exactly the issue- it is hard to try and focus on something else when he refuses to give a timeline because he considers timelines are just “arbitrary dates.” If I had a timeline I wouldn’t care what-so-ever. Its so frustrating no matter how many times I ask I do not get a timeline.
Post # 11
@Stranger516: I’m sorry you’re going through that i remember the waiting phase and it sucks. Trust me i know how you are feeling. I felt the same way. I think you should make a mental timeline if he doesn’t want to make one. Just figure out how much longer you are willing to wait. If you see by that time that it hasn’t happen you should definitley sit down and have a serious talk with your SO. Then go from there, I agree with the other bee’s until then pick up a hobby. I wish you the best and i know it’s hard said then done but don’t stress out to much!
Post # 12
@Stranger516: I don’t have a timeline either and it SUCKS. I feel your pain. No real other advice, but some *big hugs*
Post # 12
There’s a slight chance he’s not giving you a timeline because he wants to surprise you? Otherwise, he’s not respecting your feeling very much. All you can do though is tell him what you want (what your expectations are for how long is too long to wait. I did that and it worked for me.) I would use this waiting to evaluate the relationship and what you want. Instead of worrying about when he plans to propose, focus on if you even want to marry him, what you’re looking for in a husband, why you love him, what makes him “the one,” etc. I know first hand it’s hard to shift your thinking this way when you’re focused on getting that ring and proposal, but try to think of the big picture. Honestly, once I started doing this (using the time to really evaluate if he was “the one” and what I wanted) it’s when he took the initiative and surprised me with a romantic proposal and beautiful ring. The fact that the men are the ones who get to choose when to propose gives them a lot of power, and I think the best we women can do is focus on what we can control.
Post # 13
I was waiting for ages and had to stand by and watch all of my friends get engaged and married and I thought it was never going to happen…..then it did happen! He proposed in February and it took me by complete surprise! I had no idea he’d been looking at rings! Anyway, the only advice I can give is what got me through: enjoy the waiting! Just keep reminding yourself of how incredible it will be when it happens! It’s like waiting for a birthday or christmas! Just go with it! I was in so much shock when I got engaged that I can barely remember it! But I will never get that moment back! But you will get to experience it! Try not to get argumentative with him about it and make it more fun! Just keep focusing on how you’ll feel when it happens and get excited, not annoyed! Hope that helps! I know it’s easier said than done but it’s mind over matter!! You can do it! 🙂