How can I take a break from this wedding?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1750 posts
Buzzing bee

You could schedule times for wedding planning and times for breaks. That way you know what hours each day or week will be spent doing what, and when the time is up you put all wedding things away and do something else. For the breaks, you could plan extra relaxing activities; bubble baths, hot showers, taking walks, and time spent with fiancée eating really yummy food or cuddling are all things you could plan. 

If you schedule times for wedding planning, try to write down the specific task or tasks that you’re trying to get done. That way you know exactly what you’re doing, and you’ll know when it’s done and you don’t need to worry about it anymore.

There are a lot of things involved in weddings that really aren’t necessary. Write down all of the things you still have to do and, if you can, cross off the things that aren’t necessary. If something is really important to you or your fiancée, keep it on the list, but other non-essential things can go or they can be changed to something that takes less time and energy to make or organize.

 

I know you said you’re a people-pleaser and are rather high-strung, but for your own health and sanity you’ll have to make yourself act a different way; you’ll have to train yourself to take breaks, calm down, and prioritize. It may be difficult at first, but it will be worth it. 

Post # 4
Member
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

To @mscuppycake:  Sorry you are feeling this way…

The ANSWER to your problems lies in your first paragraph:

I’ve been engaged since July and have gotten a lot of work done on the wedding. Now it’s just the finer details and booking (it’s a destination wedding in Mexico), but frankly…it has been a less than enjoyable experience. I have been stressed, irritable, and I would even go as far as to say unhappy. I never wanted a wedding (FI pushed for it because he knew it would make his parents happy) just because I know how high strung I can be. I need everything to be “perfect”, EVERYONE must be “happy”, and I’m a total pleaser.

You need to GIVE UP control and wanting everything to be perfect.

This needs to be a SHARED Effort between yourself & your Fiancé… he wants this Wedding… then he needs to be pulling his weight in making it happen.

And I mean 50%…

Time, Energy, Money… and if he can’t give a full 50% time & energy wise… then he needs to find another way to “step up”… such as getting you help… be that a Relative… or maybe a Wedding Coordinator etc.

A whole lot of Wedding Planning consists of… Reading, Research, Shopping, DIY Projects… so there is no rule that it has to be a GIRL thing.  A guy can easily do that sort of thing as well… might need some coaching to get him on board, (work together vs seperately)… BUT it is 100% do-able.

Hope this helps,

 

Post # 5
Member
454 posts
Helper bee

@mscuppycake:  

Hey Girl!

I think I’m in the same boat. I am a perfectionist so planning our wedding will be a hassle for me that may also ruin my relationship. But I’ve decided to take a break from planning it until I actually pop the question. I’m still looking for ideas, but i’m not putting as much pressure on myself as I once was. I’m a few weeks away from proposing, so I rather focus on that and perfect that proposal rather than jump the gun. Since you’re already engaged, take a break! You say: I have been stressed, irritable, and I would even go as far as to say unhappy. I never wanted a wedding (FI pushed for it because he knew it would make his parents happy) just because I know how high strung I can be. I need everything to be “perfect”, EVERYONE must be “happy”, and I’m a total pleaser.

First, this is your wedding, it honestly doesn’t matter if everyone is happy. Just know, people are going to complain no matter what, even if you spent 1million per person, someone will find something that wasn’t exactly right-so I stopped caring about making people happy. I want a rustic outdoor wedding (possibly having a reception in the bar) I even asked a couple of friends if a barn wedding would be nice, they said “WTF, NO! We’re black”- I was like, I don’t see how race has anything to do with this, but whatever. So at that point, I stopped asking about people’s opinion about our wedding.

If you don’t like planning the wedding, Then take a break, if you have a lot of things done, maybe make a calendar of the things that you think can wait and things that need to be done immediately. since it’s a destination wedding, and you already have transportation booked, and the venue, you’re good for a while. Since your unhappy, working on the wedding is only going to perpetuate this unhappiness. Since your fiance wants the wedding, have him take over the wedding planning. If he’s the type of groom that doesn’t want to help because he see’s it as a womans work, then thats a conversation to be had since you didn’t even want to have a wedding, so if he’s not willing to help then either you stop planning the wedding until he helps, or a wedding doesn’t happen at all.

But You HAVE to trust yourself and TAKE A BREAK!I don’t want to have a wedding either, but my future bride’s family is pushing for it so I’m assuming it’s GOING TO HAVE TO HAPPEN, but my gf is a person that stresses out a lot, so she has asked me to take the lead to plan it once we’re engaged.Maybe give some of the work to the grooms family! Since they’re really interested in the wedding- just give them guidelines!

 

 

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