Post # 1
Last night I finally realized how rude my soon to be inlaws are. If you make it through the whole thing- god bless you
Last night FI texted me around 5 so say his mom might stay the night- okay cool whatever- we have the guest room. Well he was waiting to hear back from her to see what time she will be arriving- i was in work until 8, him until 11. He hears nothing from her until after 11:00. She then drops the bomb on us that its not just her crashing- its also gonna be the brother and his flavor of the week skank. It was just so rude that they assume that we have the space for 2 extra people and that it was okay with us. The reason they needed to crash at our place is bc they were gonna stay at the other brothers place but his ac was broke and it was hot. They didnt show up until after midnight- FI and I both have to be up for work before 7 AM. ITS JUST RUDE! They dont care if it inconveniences anyone else.
So laying in bed fuming over this whole thing I was looking back- THE WHOLE FAMILY is this way. We went up to meet with our florist on sunday and they wanted to do dinner. Which was okay b/c it was set for 3:00. it couldnt be real late b/c we left the dogs home and refuse to leave them for longer then 8 hrs at a time. Well while at the florist FI gets a text saying “confirming dinner at 4:00”- um no thats not what was planned. Well it got pushed back b/c FIs one brother wanted to go play golf- SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!????? Fbil threw a fit b/c FI argued that it was at 3:00. Well it ended up being pushed til 430 b/c it wasnt convenient for the brother.
OMG its always like this with his family- I dont think i can handle this… ugghhhh. I flipped out on FI last night about how rude they are and dont care about anyone else- as long as its good for them. Of course he defended them but he doesnt see how he lets everyone in his family walk all over him!
OKAY end rant- Thank you for listening!
Post # 3
I do think that it was very rude that they came so late. However, you have to pick and choose your battles and getting mad at your FI because they have no sense of time is not fair. If you had an issue with them coming so late you should have told your FI and he could have called his mom and told her that she need to be at your home by a certain time due to the you guys having to work in the morning.
My MIL has not sense of time or consideration for anyone else’s time! It use to drive me nuts but I realized that there are FAR more things that I could have to deal with then her being late to dinner.
OP I’m not saying that your overreacting…. I do think your justified in getting upset at them coming so late.. BUT don’t get mad at FI because his mom and brothers don’t have manners.
Post # 4
@MrsStrawberry24: Thanks for the input. Im just a stickler for schedules and being on time, and it just gets to me soooo much that they dont care. I know i shouldnt of taken it out on FI but I would never tell them how i feel. It just also bothers me knowing that they walk all over him. blaahhh family
Post # 5
@graygodess20: Oh, love, I know how you feel with being a stickler for being on time. I married into a family who is, “Well whenever we get there.” Early is on time, on time is late. I am ALWAYS on time.
Well, after dealing with this for over 2 years I can, like the pp said, I pick and choose battles. Is it really so bad for them to show up a little late? Is it really so bad to move my schedule around? Did I have something terribly pressing to do?
My DH doesn’t say anything to his family about it. He just keeps his mouth shut, which I am learning to do (on some things anyway cuz it’s not worth arguing). I just want to spend time with my in-laws. My FIL is really bad. He doesn’t value family–he values work, so when we want to go outt to eat he says that 5:30 is ok, but then says he’s shoeing a horse so it will be 6:30 instead. Instead of ruining my appetite and getting fussy I just shrug it off and eat then. Pick battles and learn to forget about being on time so much. It makes life a lot easier to just go with the flow sometimes.
Post # 6
I’m big on scheduling and being on time, but I dont think either instances you mentioned were huge deals. Timelines get rearranged and people have different ideas of what priorities are. I just wouldn’t get too upset over it.
I will give you that them inviting your brother and his female friend to stay the night (why call them a “skank” if you dont know the person… I hate “slut bashing”) is an issue. Why did they need to spend the night anyways?
Post # 7
Well, sadly, my family are the rude ones in our relationship! My parents, esp. mother, have NO sense of time, or how much they are inconveniencing others. They just. don’t. get it.
As a teen, my mother was horrible at picking ME up on time or dropping me off at dance practices and school events, it was so frustrating and embarrassing, because people assumed I was the one making myself late, not my mother!
I would not bother your FI too much about it, though. It will take YEARS for them to stop treating him this way, since it is what they are used to doing. And you can’t just stop seeing his family, so there is not much to do about it. Patience…. oh, you will just have to have so much of it! Good luck!
FYI: When dealing w/my parents, I usually tell them to be places earlier than I want to actually be there, so they are on time. Also, I tell them when I will be meeting them/how long I will be staying, and if that doesn’t work then they won’t get to see me! But this is after years of emotional battling with them, and finally getting completely fed up.
Post # 8
I totally empathize. My DH’s family (immediate) are the most selfish people in the entire world. MIL and FIL aren’t, but they feed into all of their kids’ bullshit. They expect me to do the same. No, thanks!
Post # 9
Eh, this isn’t so bad. Try not to see it as such a rigid thing. They probably jsut aren’t the kind of people who are really into “scheduling.” The Type A/Type B divide can really become a source of conflict between people, and in my experience, it isn’t worth battling over. They didn’t do anything super nasty…they were just inconsiderate and they inconvenienced you. I’m type A, so I totally get it- stuff like that makes me bonkers, but you sometimes just have to suck it up and move on. I lost too many friends trying to force my schedules on people.