Post # 1
I’m noticing my mother and I have different ideas of “cheap”.
Note before you start reading: I’m not trying to diss my mom, just giving examples of our differences in opinion.
- She thinks a wedding dress should cost $300-ish, I think $750-$1200 is reasonable. (And she hated David’s Bridal dresses because she said they weren’t made well.)
- She thinks a reception venue should cost a couple hundred dollars, I honestly can’t hardly find anything under $1000, anyplace nice is at least $1000.
- She thinks bridesmaids dresses should cost $50, whereas I think $100-$150 is reasonable (we aren’t even paying for these, so I don’t even know why I matters).
Pretty much everything she wants to spend less than half, sometimes less than a quarter, of what I anticipated spending. I know money doesn’t grow on trees, and I’m not just telling her “pay for my wedding”, she wants to help out, but I told her I’ll pay for the reception hall and chip in on the dress and such.
I don’t want to break the bank for two days (wedding and reception on different days), but I do want a nice wedding/reception! And I know our difference in opinion are a lot due to where we live (I live in Kansas City, she lives in a small town).
Post # 3
I would say take just her dress shopping with you and tell her to pick out a couple of dresses she wants to see on you. Then tell her how much those dresses are. Then pick out some of the dresses you like and tell her how much those run for. That might help her to understand how expensive bridal gowns really are and if the two of you can find a dress you both like then she might be more willing to spend even though it’s above what she though it should cost.
Ask her to do some research for you. Ask her to do some calling around to venue and get price quotes. Let her be the one to immerse herself in planning and get a better vision of how much this is going to cost.
With the bridesmaid dresses shes not paying for those so she doesn’t necessarily need to know how much those really cost.
Post # 4
Is this the first wedding she’s been involved in? Meaning, are you the first to get married? Maybe she just really doesn’t know how much things cost!!
Post # 5
I hear ya! I think sometimes people compare prices these days to what they paid for their own wedding 20 years ago.
Certainly if you shop around, you can find all your wedding stuff for pretty close to what your mom expects. (For example, if your reception venue is a restaurant, you usually don’t have to pay to use their banquet hall, you just pay for the food. And nice gowns can be found for $300 at trunk sales. Bridesmaid dresses can be found on the cheap too, if you’re willing to shop the department stores.)
After shopping around for a bit, your mom will probably come to the conclusion that dresses at her price point will mostly not live up to her quality standards, etc etc. She’ll get over the sticker shock eventually! 🙂
Post # 6
I took her dress shopping last weekend, and I think she’s coming around a little on that at least. The cheapest dresses we found were David’s Bridal and she hated them (I thought they were fine, I’m only going to wear the dress twice; but she thought they were “poorly constructed” and didn’t like when she could see seams or things would need tacked-up on the dresses).
Post # 7
I ditto MsBrooklynA. Ask her to go dress shopping with you and visit venues. Is she under the impression you will have the wedding in her small town?
Post # 8
maybe she just doesn’t know how much wedding things cost now a days. my grandma offered to pay for my dress…. and then freaked out about it (even)though it was pretty cheap). but she wore a simple suit for her wedding.
Post # 9
I loved also that my mom wanted to spend money but then would say that buffet isn’t good enough – we need plated dinner!! Well you can’t have both cheap & nice!
Post # 10
@Rgeddy: Ironically, a lot of the venues I checked out charge almost the same for the buffet as for the seated dinner. They said it was because people’s eyes are bigger than their stomachs and lots of food goes to waste at buffets. Who would’ve guessed??
Post # 11
I ran into this problem too. My mom and dad had a jop wedding. While the cost of things doesn’t really surprise her, it’s the timing that does. She honestly thought that we could go to a bakery and order a cake two weeks before the wedding. It wasn’t until I told her that the bakery that was cheapest was already booked for my day that she started coming around. She’s watched so many wedding shows on TLC that she doesn’t understand what it really takes to plan a wedding – she only sees an hour of it!
Post # 12
@jenbrandner: I found the same thing out when we planned ours. I guess it makes sense since the caterer doesn’t control how much of the food goes on the plates!
Post # 13
Cost of a wedding can startle anyone who hasn’t really looked into it before. I almost had heart palpitations when I realized what my modest wedding for 50 people would cost. Your mother will come around, just invlove her like people are suggesting and she’ll soon figure it all out.
Post # 14
If she is like my mom, she will bring up how it was at her wedding, in 1967. What they had and how they did it and what it cost. Then looked shocked at the price of things now. Like she has not been living in this world the last 63 years. You can do your best to keep it reasonable for her. But I bet as you show her the things at the lowest end of the price range she will probably hate them and you will get what you want.
Post # 15
My mom is constantly pestering me about the budget! Because my parents are giving me a certain amount and I’m paying the rest, while my FI is paying for the honeymoon completely on his own, and planning it! it was the only way to get him to help me. My mom has definitely come around after hearing about other weddings we went to last year and how much they cost. We’re definitely cutting costs about 1/3 of what my friend spent! Thanks to a family church wedding and using a Navy Moral Welfare Recreation facility for the reception!
Post # 16
You can have a wedding for what your mother thinks things will cost (or even less) and it can be beautiful. Getting married isn’t about the money. However, it depends what you want, and what your definition of nice is, and how hard you are willing to work and (and what you are willing to compromise) to get the deal. My dress was $99 and I think it is beautiful (and I feel good about what I spent on it, which I would not have if I had spent $1000).