Post # 1
DH and I are expecting our first child and are super excited to become first-time parents. Its really hard to imagine how much our lives are about to change and above all, I can’t help but wonder how this is all going to change the dynamics of our relationship.
For those of you who have children, how did having your first child change your relationsip with your SO? Did it deepen your bond, put a strain on things? Do you find you see your SO in a different light now?
I’m just so excited to see DH become a Daddy and likewise can’t wait for him to see me grow into my role as a mother and would love to hear some first hand experiences from you, good and bad. I’d love to leave my head in the clouds and imagine a perfect transition but at the same time think its probably a better idea to keep a level head/realistic expectations for us.
Post # 3
At first, it did deepen our bond together – DH saw what I went through, from being uncomfortable during the pregnancy, working until the end and finally giving birth. Right after giving birth DH showed so much respect for me, he was willing to do anything and everything for us. It was like he was blown away, he admired me and he felt more appreciation for me than he ever had (we have talked about this before, that’s how I know!)
After seeing how DH was so gentle, loving, proud of our little guy I was surprised to be honest. I didn’t expect him to be such a great dad, I know that sounds awful. I remember feeling so blissful and grateful for having him as the father of my child. I still feel like that.
I mean, the bonding wore off a little. We do butt heads sometimes when it comes to parenting. Like at the playground, I want to be next to my son – showing him how to play, teaching him new things and DH likes to back off and let him discover things by himself (our son is now 2 1/2). Other times, we laugh or share something our son does and no one understands but us. It’s unique feeling that I think you can only share with your SO.
Post # 4
My DH was like in awe of me for about a month after I gave birth. He thought it was the most amazing thing EVERRRRR. Yeah, but that didn’t last long.
Then during the first two, maybe even three months you are in survival mode. It really isn’t all lovey dovey let’s cuddle and be a big happy family-at least for us it wasn’t. I felt like we were just roomates. I was learning to nurse which was really hard, and the poop! omg!!! ( I complain about the poop a lot on here-I just had no idea!). We both had to figure it all out, and come up with a system that worked for us. It wasn’t so much “mommy and daddy” as “OMG WHAT THE HELL DID WE DO TO OUR LIVES!!!”We got in fights about nursing because I HATED it in the beginning, and he just didn’t understand why I was crying all the time. ugh.
The good news…Now that DD is 6 months old, it is FUN FUN FUN!!! I really feel like we have come out of the “new parent” fog and we are actually acting like a family. DH is awesome with her and very involved and it gives a whole new meaning to our relationship and we have SO MUCH in common that it has actually revived us in some ways. =) I hope this helps! Everyone is different, but it is fun to hear other peoples stories.
Post # 5
We have more sex since we’re up all night anyhow.
Post # 6
Thanks so much for the responses. I really love hearing these kind of stories. I’m trying to prep myself to expect the whole survival mode/working to get on the same page thing but its great to hear that once things settle down there’s at least potential for a new kind of bond.
@Lozza: hah! When life gives you lemons, right?
Post # 7
sex? what is this thing called sex you speak of?
Post # 8
It some ways, having a baby brought us so much closer; in other ways, everything became a lot harder. It’s a great idea to start preparing now for the transition from teo to three, and I really recommend the book And Baby Makes Three by John and Julie Gottman. It helped us a lot in those first few crazy months. I’ve also heard from a lot of couples that it gets easier after the first year, so if you get to the point where your relationship gets really difficult, keep in mind that older and more independent your baby gets, the more time you’ll have to reinvest in your marriage.
Post # 9
Thanks Ladies for sharing your experiences I love this site because everyone is willing to tell their story…haven’t had a child yet…still planning our wedding but this is good to know
Post # 10
@Lozza: I’m going to have to tell my DH you said this! Maybe it’ll make him more excited about a baby 🙂
Post # 11
@flamingred: It’s what we do when we’re too tired to muster up the energy to speak to each other.
Post # 12
We’re nowhere near TTC yet, but I’m so interested to hear everyone’s responses. The physical strain of pregnancy and labor are my largest fear when it comes to kids; a strain on my relationship with my husband is my second largest.
Post # 13
@Mrs. Spring: Thanks for the book rec. I’m going to look into that. 🙂
Post # 14
Thankfully, it hasn’t changed for the worst like I worried about.LOL We are lot closer and seeing him with our daughter mkes me fall in love with him all over again. 🙂 It’s like a new level to our relationship.
Post # 15
our son is 11 weeks old. i would say that having a baby has put a strain on our relationship more than anything. we knew it would be a rough transition because dh had never been around a newborn before but has learned a lot really quickly and is really involved in caring for the baby. i was very familiar with how to care for the baby but the emotional side of becoming a mom hit me waaay by suprise. basically we have been like two deer in headlights just trying to get our bearings straight, but it is getting better with time.
the baby was 5 weeks early so he came as a big surprise (with no complications, thank god). dh took 2 weeks off of work and that time is basically a blur now. we were both so exhausted and overwhelmed that we were definitely in survival mode. i put all of my energy into learning to breastfeed, which was really painful at first, and we were in the house all the time and surviving on no sleep. we had visitors and he ran errands and stuff, but i dont think either of us were prepared for that isolation. it was really hard. since dh returned to work and im still on maternity leave, we’re not so much in survival mode anymore, but it definitely feels like we’re more roomates than married. we had a few date nights thanks to our parents offering to babysit, but they just weren’t as fun and relaxing because we were both preoccupied thinking about getting back home to the baby. we used to go out every weekend but now a trip to target is like a huge ordeal. im up a few times each night to nurse and i often have to move around the house to calm the baby so we don’t necessarily sleep next to eachother all night. we bicker and argue more often, which really upsets me cause i don’t want my son to grow up in a house with parents who argue a lot. i’m hoping that things even out as the little one gets older and we fall into a more regular routine.
oh and sex…no. none of that. i gave birth 11 weeks ago and i have absolutely no desire to do any of that. sometimes i feel guilty that i don’t feel ready yet and get frustrated with myself because i know dh is more than ready and the tension is certainly not helping, but after a long day of nursing every 2-3 hours, getting spit up on a million times, fighting to find 15 minutes to shower and brush my teeth, and generally looking and feeling like a hot mess, the last thing i want to do is have sexy time. REALLY hoping that changes soon.
on the plus side. we are slowly growing into parents. we spend a lot of time together and it’s really nice to see eachother bond with the baby. he loves having a son, even though he’s kind of clueless of how to interact with such a little baby sometimes, he’s getting used to it. i’m getting more used to balancing my new mommy self with my old self, and it makes me feel good when dh tells me im ‘the best mom in the world’ etc.
sorry. that was long. i hope it didn’t scare you but i think with your first baby it’s hard to know what to expect. but there will probably be ups and downs.
Post # 16
I think it made FI an I so much stronger. He through my pregnancy was amazing. He helped with anything and everything I needed. After I got off work he was always there to rub my back or something. After I gave birth he was just shocked. He was so amazed to see me go through that. He respected me on a different leval. He told me after we were in our recovery room “I have never been so proud of you!! Your strength amazes me.” It really made me feel good. From there we just learned how to be parents together and how to work better together. It was and still to this day is a bonding experience!! It brought us so close. Congrats on your pregnancy!!