- 3 years ago
I didn’t even know what to title this post. My life has taken such a dramatic turn of events, that I can barely recognize it as my own. Sorry in advance for the novel. I will make this as short as possible, but there is a lot. So bear with me.
*I do not want to get flamed for this. I know I should have probably left a long time ago. But right now I really just need support and advice as to what to do.
FI and I have been together three years, living together for two, engaged for one. We’ve always been madly, deeply in love, and he has always been my best friend. He proposed completely on his own, and it was a total surprise to me. We were so happy at first, and dove into planning.
During this time, he stopped his antidepressants (which he had been taking since before we met), and suddenly became overwhelmed with all things wedding. He withdrew from friends and family, and everyone was worried.
I offered to postpone the wedding indefinitely. Offered him the ring back. He wouldn’t take it, saying we were still getting married after he “got better”. A few months went by, and with medication and therapy he was back on track.
He initiated the planning of the “next” wedding, saying that he felt like himself again and wanted to go ahead with our plans. We started planning, and he was there every step of the way. He was SO into planning the honeymoon, and was talking about buying a house. We were so happy, and he was himself again.
Then, I noticed his enthusiasm was going away. I can read him like a book, and could just tell something was wrong. With some coaxing, he admitted to feeling depressed again and that he was having cold feet for the second time. I’ve been trying to be supportive, but naturally I am upset.
I told him that I wasn’t cancelling a second wedding and staying with him. That is not negotiable. So we’re taking some time to think about things, and I’m laying off with the wedding plans. He brother is getting married shortly before us, and since I do not want to take away from their day by cancelling right before, I told him he has until after his brothers wedding to give me an answer. If the answer is “yes”, then we would go ahead with it, but if he gives me a “no” or “maybe”, then it’s off and we’re done for good.
Now here’s where it gets really bad. So with everything that’s going on, I’ve been trying to do more things with friends, and sort of find myself again. At this point, I feel as though I need to emotionally prepare myself for the end.
So last night I went out with my best girlfriend. We were at a local bar, and ran into an old male friend of mine. We’ve been friends for almost a decade, but he left for the military a few years ago and we lost touch. He had been engaged, but she called it off two days before he left for boot camp.
And it was sort of amazing. We had this energy, something we’ve never had before in all our years of friendship. We talked about god, politics, kids, dogs, careers, and just about everything you can think of. I didn’t go home until 6 in the morning. My FI didn’t notice that I hadn’t come home.
Then today, military friend invited me to go hiking with him. I did, and we had a great time. During all of this, nothing sexual happened. He’s been nothing but a gentleman; we are old friends, after all. But he knows about FI’s cold feet, and has been talking to me about what happened with him and his ex.
He’s leaving to go back to his staion tomorrow. He’s coming back in September, and told me to “keep in touch”, and “let him know about how things work out”.
He’s a really good guy, and I am attracted to him. But I don’t know if that’s because my FI is pushing me away. I know we should cancel the wedding. But there’s a part of me that’s hoping I’ll wake up one day and FI will be himself again (it happened once before) and this nightmare will be over. I want to make it work with FI. I want everything to be back the way it was.
But I just don’t know what to do anymore. We have a house, a family, joint banks, insurance, everything. It’s all coming to a head, and I know that we have to make a decision sooner rather than later.
Sorry for the novel. jeeze. I was trying to be brief.
Again, please be kind. I know I’m an idiot.