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I would just start by talk about the future together. Ask what he sees in your future together or just mention that you could do this or that in the future.
I told my SO how I was feeling. Tired of shacking, ready to move to the next level to have kids, buy a house, and most of all be his wife. We'd played "house" long enough in my opinion. I did it really cool, calm, and collected. Just laid it all out there one night. We were having pillow talk. Room was dark. Late night. No interruptions. So it wasn't intimidating. Of course there's been MANY talks since then but I think I broke the ice really well.
J was the one who first brought up the subject when we started dating. At the time, I wanted nothing to do with weddings, etc. because of things that had happened in my past. So when I was ready to start talking to him about it, it was pretty easy. The difficult part now (for me) is talking to him about WHEN things will happen. I'll be 31 in August, and J will be 34 in October, so I'm freaking out a little bit (biological clock thing...).
Gwen.
Even though I didn't wait, I was often curious as to what would be on his mind about our future. I would bring certain things up or wait for him to discuss the future. There were plenty of times where he'd slip about wanting to get married. That was a huge shock for me because one of the first things he mentioned to me while we "talked" before getting serious was that he didn't want to get married. I just sat back and let him do all the worrying about it. I was in no rush and we were engaged approximately 1.5 years into our relationship.
We started talking about the future. Soon little things like "my name with his name," or kids, what we thought about child rearing, and then he's day things like "if we got married" or "your dad would be a goofy wedding dancer..." and then eventually I said something was on my mind and we'd been dancing around it...and I just said "could you see us getting married?" Since then we've been talking about it and discussing ring styles etc. Its easy once you stop wanting to hyperventilate lol.
I don't think we were dating long enough to really get into the marriage talk, I thought I'd scare him off! I would usually wait for it to just come up in conversation, like if we went to a wedding or when I watched all my wedding shows on tv.
For us, it just sort of flowed naturally from our time together. But I really think it had to do with refridgerators, if I recall (lol)! I couldn't get my mind around the fact that we'd spend the weekends filling up mine and getting all cozy and dug in at my place and then have to let him go on Sunday evenings -- I remember starting to say stuff like -- but you're going home to an empty refrigerator! that's terrible! he'd have three pairs of green-brown eyes watching him go (me, dog's, cat's) and I could see the ache in his heart, too. Eventually, I just 'crossed the threshold' and told him by around 1.5 years that we have to do something about this -- merge refridgerators, merge our lives, our homes -- be together, be married. Two years later, we were.
I mentioned it one day and he responded with Yes- I want to marry you and have children with you. It was still around the early part of our relationship, say at 9 months.
It was around 7 months into our relationship that I mentioned that I wished I could live with him rather than my roommates (who are great, but not the same obviously). That started sort of casual talks about living together, but he said he didn't want to live together until married or possibly after getting engaged. In my head I was like "woohooo!" but played it cool because I figured he meant at some point way in the future since we were still early in the relationship. Then he started taking me around to look at rings! Now all of our talk revolves around the future and we've started looking into buying a house too!
Still waiting on that ring...but it's only been a couple of months :)
Having my munchkin, the "marriage talk" was always something that came up earlier rather than later... I never "scared" any guys off with it either.
After my first marriage ended (he was an abusive alcoholic) I realized that becoming invested in someone emotionally was not something that I was willing to do if we didn't have the same core values and marriage wasn't imenent to happen.
I just don't believe in relationships like that anymore.. wondering where it may or may not go... b/c I came to realize that heart break, or the disappointment that comes along with seeing someone you're already invested in NOT meet what you need or desire, was something that really could be avoided and having to "make the decision" to possible leave was REALLY hard after already being in love and involving your heart.
Most of these things were hashed out pretty quick.. as I think generally it only takes a few dates, real conversations to see someone's values and character. <-- atleast a general idea..
If they weren't on the same page as my values we didn't continue dating. If they were (which very few were.. or moreso only one was) We became more intimate... in converstaion, not physically... If they (really when he) became known to fit even moreso in my needs, core values, and what I saw my son needed it came up.
I do have to agree about it coming up naturally.. b/c it does. So long you're actually talking in ways to get to know each other... what growing up was like, value system, gifts & talents... these things just kinda lead to "oh wow... I think that too... I believe that as really important as well.. wow we really believe alot of the same things..." <-- and this usually gets just about ANYONE "thinking" about long-term... even guys and then it comes to that point that both of you are thinking about it and one of you will bring it up... generally with the other person already having a feeling you/he is fixing to "go there" lol
We talked about moving in together, and I said I wasn't willing to do that unless this was a step forward. He said that's what he was thinking. In about a month after that he said if all went well he planned to be engaged within 3 months of living together.
I was really really bad. Seriously, I get red thinking about it. I got really drunk one night while we were out with our friends, and while he was sober, driving my drunk ass home, I blurted out "We've been dating for 4 years, how come we've never talked about getting married?!" Then I couldn't believe I'd said that, and burst into tears. He was really sweet about it, but totally made fun of me the next day. lol.
When we first got together, we both said didn't want to get married. It just came up one day, I asked if he wanted to stay with me for a long time and he said forever and it just kind of evolved.
I don't know exactly how the whole marriage discussion first came up, but I distinctly remember talking about it more when my friend got engaged. I was one of her BMs and helped her with her planning. Going to trunk shows, looking for dresses, and browsing magazines for decor ideas was how I was spending quite a bit of my free time. SO started saying things like, "Did you see anything you'd like for our wedding?" It just evolved from there.
He will occassionally refer to me as his "future wife", especially when he's appologizing for something or trying to butter me up! Lol. :)
When we were first dating he said that he would love me forever and then I felt really comfortable bringing it up whenever. Neither of us have ever worried about how to bring it up because we were both always on the same page and always open with each other. Try just bringing up the forever thing or just talking about the future. Once you get an idea of how he's feeling you can go further about it (:
@KoalaWalla: Oh, wow, lol! Well, at least you finally got it out in the open. Did he talk freely about with you afterwards?
@amnystik: You have a great point. I think it's good to make sure you're on the same page about what you want right from the beginning.
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How did you and SO first start to talk about weddings, proposals, and timelines? How did you bring up marriage in conversation for the very first time?